DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would appreciate some suggestions as to how a guest should express to a host her desire to leave a small dinner party at which she's had a very nice time -- but it's getting late, and she'd like to go home!

We were still seated at the table at 11 p.m. after a dinner for six people that started at 7. The delicious meal and dessert were long gone, as were the coffee and tea.

One of the guests was droning on and on. I took the opportunity, when he finally took a breath, to say (very pleasantly, I thought), that this had been a wonderful party and the food was delicious, as a prelude to saying that I regretted that we really must get going.

But before I could complete the thought, the droner recovered his breath. I knew the hosts well, but had just met Mr. Droner, and that made it difficult for me to interrupt him.

Was I remiss in thinking that someone else at the table (perhaps my husband!) would catch my drift and support my efforts?

In any event, the droner went on for another half-hour before I could get another word in edgewise. At that point, I spoke very quickly (fearing his interruption) and said something to the effect that it's been lovely, but it was getting late and we really had to leave. However, from the expressions on the faces of droner and wife, I was left feeling that I was out of line.

I look forward to some leaving-the-party tips.

GENTLE READER: One would be to socialize with hosts who know that after-dinner coffee is properly served in the living room, thus getting everyone up from the table and halfway to the door, while preventing a difficult exodus from the dining table.

Another is to train your husband to stand up when you thank your hosts.

But you also need a firmer tone of voice. Miss Manners recommends that you practice saying, "Excuse me! I don't want to break up this delightful evening, but I'm afraid we really must go."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father recently passed away, and it's been a real eye-opener as to how my friends and family have dealt with the loss when communicating with me. One of my good friends sent a condolence sticky note that said "Sorry for your loss" attached to a piece of mail she forwarded to me.

I'm aware that people deal with loss in their own ways, and perhaps my father's passing was hitting too close to home and she doesn't know how to deal with it. But this really upset me.

I did not expect a card or flowers, not at all. I just did not expect my father's life and death summed up on a generic yellow sticky note. Is this actually appropriate? I don't know how to reply.

GENTLE READER: Fortunately, a sticky note does not require any response. Nor does callous behavior require the target to offer a psychological excuse.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm not wealthy, but I'm quite well off and need nothing. Rather than give me gifts, several members of my family observe milestones in my life by donating to charities of their choice in my name. I appreciate the thoughts and always thank them appropriately.

In recent years, however, one couple has begun donating to charities that are anti-gay, to say the least, and they know I am gay. Am I under any obligation to thank them? Would it be considered rude to tell them I find such a donation in my name to be very inconsiderate?

GENTLE READER: Not only inconsiderate, but also somewhat fraudulent. Miss Manners would go to greater lengths than you to stop someone from putting her name on a charity that she condemns. Rather than thanking them or not, you might attempt to stop the transaction in advance by saying, "I appreciate you thinking of me, but I would prefer not to be associated with a cause with which I disagree. I'm sure you understand." By no means should you let them engage you in a discussion of why.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother took my 18-year-old son out to lunch at a nice restaurant. She does this about once a year. After they finished their meal, a centipede dropped from the ceiling onto my son's already empty plate.

The restaurant apologized profusely and offered two free desserts, which neither diner was interested in at the time. The restaurant then offered two free future desserts, which were accepted by my mother (who was paying for the meal). She eats at this restaurant fairly often. My son does not, as it is a bit pricier than he can afford as a student on a part-time salary.

When they came home, he talked about the two of them going to the restaurant again to take advantage of their coupons. My mother said that as she had paid, both coupons were hers. He said thank you for the lunch and dropped the subject, but still feels that my mother was a little discourteous.

While I am pleased he didn't complain or demand, I would like to tell him his instincts are correct as far as being a polite host goes. Are they?

GENTLE READER: Congratulations to your son for his impeccable manners and wise decision not to speak up. Miss Manners assures you both that his instincts were absolutely correct.

If your mother is going to split hairs, as it were, and attempt to bring ownership into this equation, she might have taken note that the coupons were a result of a centipede that descended upon your son's plate, not hers. Possession is, after all, nine-tenths of the law.

So your son's polite request to share the coupons was not only warranted, it was also just. In the interest of keeping the peace, however, it would be best to keep this between ourselves -- and the centipede.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our whole family is traveling to an out-of-town wedding. The invitation requests "Cocktail attire, ties required for men and dresses for women."

My teenage granddaughter doesn't like to wear dresses, and though she has worn them in the past, said she doesn't wear dresses anymore and will wear a suit.

I would understand if she was transgender, bi or a lesbian, but I don't feel it is something I can ask about if she is not ready.

However, if she is not any of these, then I don't think this is a good time to rebel against the dress code when the attention should be on the bride and groom. I should mention that we have friends and relatives who are gay and bi. So is a suit a reasonable alternative for a middle school girl?

GENTLE READER: George Sand may have raised eyebrows when she wore men's clothing in mid-19th-century Paris, but it is Miss Manners' observation that any correlation between sexual orientation and suits for ladies is -- if it ever existed -- long gone. She allows that your granddaughter may wear a dressy suit without violating the spirit of the dress code -- or attracting unwanted speculation as to its purpose.

Fearing undue attention at a wedding is a fruitless pursuit. There will undoubtedly be other guests attracting it away from the bridal couple in the form of unusual dress, alcohol overindulgence or general adorableness, factors that seem to be ubiquitous at any social gathering.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How quickly should one respond to personal email?

I seem to remember a snail-mail rule that one was supposed to have a reply ready for the next post. Does a similar guideline exist in netiquette?

I'm asking because I have a list of several dozen far-flung friends to whom I send a group email every week or so. I do this not only to let them know what my wife and I are up to, but also to stimulate some sort of reply so I can keep up with them.

Alas, relatively few respond. In fact, the biggest response came when I was sick recently and could barely lift my head, let alone dash off a witty communique. The brief absence of email prompted several folks to write in, saying they missed my missives.

I suppose it's nice to be missed, but I'd rather receive the email responses. I should hasten to point out that I respond swiftly to personal and work-related emails.

GENTLE READER: There was a moment when Miss Manners wondered if all those people who never look up from their devices were merely trying to be polite by responding instantly to their correspondents. But the requirement to respond instantaneously to every instant message would unfortunately remove the polite from the gene pool.

As you have discovered, etiquette rules based on technological limitations (such as how long it takes the mail carrier to cross the road) have as short a shelf life as modern electronics. Miss Manners requires only that business and personal correspondence (from which definition she excludes group emails -- no matter how witty or well-intentioned) be answered reasonably promptly.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)