DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our whole family is traveling to an out-of-town wedding. The invitation requests "Cocktail attire, ties required for men and dresses for women."

My teenage granddaughter doesn't like to wear dresses, and though she has worn them in the past, said she doesn't wear dresses anymore and will wear a suit.

I would understand if she was transgender, bi or a lesbian, but I don't feel it is something I can ask about if she is not ready.

However, if she is not any of these, then I don't think this is a good time to rebel against the dress code when the attention should be on the bride and groom. I should mention that we have friends and relatives who are gay and bi. So is a suit a reasonable alternative for a middle school girl?

GENTLE READER: George Sand may have raised eyebrows when she wore men's clothing in mid-19th-century Paris, but it is Miss Manners' observation that any correlation between sexual orientation and suits for ladies is -- if it ever existed -- long gone. She allows that your granddaughter may wear a dressy suit without violating the spirit of the dress code -- or attracting unwanted speculation as to its purpose.

Fearing undue attention at a wedding is a fruitless pursuit. There will undoubtedly be other guests attracting it away from the bridal couple in the form of unusual dress, alcohol overindulgence or general adorableness, factors that seem to be ubiquitous at any social gathering.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How quickly should one respond to personal email?

I seem to remember a snail-mail rule that one was supposed to have a reply ready for the next post. Does a similar guideline exist in netiquette?

I'm asking because I have a list of several dozen far-flung friends to whom I send a group email every week or so. I do this not only to let them know what my wife and I are up to, but also to stimulate some sort of reply so I can keep up with them.

Alas, relatively few respond. In fact, the biggest response came when I was sick recently and could barely lift my head, let alone dash off a witty communique. The brief absence of email prompted several folks to write in, saying they missed my missives.

I suppose it's nice to be missed, but I'd rather receive the email responses. I should hasten to point out that I respond swiftly to personal and work-related emails.

GENTLE READER: There was a moment when Miss Manners wondered if all those people who never look up from their devices were merely trying to be polite by responding instantly to their correspondents. But the requirement to respond instantaneously to every instant message would unfortunately remove the polite from the gene pool.

As you have discovered, etiquette rules based on technological limitations (such as how long it takes the mail carrier to cross the road) have as short a shelf life as modern electronics. Miss Manners requires only that business and personal correspondence (from which definition she excludes group emails -- no matter how witty or well-intentioned) be answered reasonably promptly.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When giving gift cards, should you remove the card from the packaging?

I have removed the tab that shows the amount, but the packaging has information related to expiration, etc.

GENTLE READER: Are you seriously proposing sending someone out shopping without knowing how much money there is to spend?

Miss Manners appreciates the gentility of concealing the price of a present from the recipient. That is why she discourages paying people, rather than taking the trouble to select something that might be appreciated.

But do not harbor the illusion that you have laundered the money by putting it into a gift card. You have merely restricted its use. And please do not set someone up to get to the checkout counter, only to be told that it is not enough for the purchase, or even that it is too much, but the remaining amount must be supplemented in order to make an additional purchase.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have some old friends who have recently retired and love to travel. Once a year they travel to our state and visit with their friends who live here. They send an email a week or two before their trip informing us when they will be in our area and ask to stay with us.

We are happy to have them stay in our home, but we are not retired. When they arrive, they plop themselves down and ask what we are going to do. We then scramble to be good hosts and escort them to local restaurants and sites of interest, fitting ourselves into their schedule on relatively short notice.

We would have no problem with their using our home as a hotel and enjoying some time with them if we were home at the same time, but it is taxing to be expected to provide vacation activities when we are not on vacation!

They repeat this pattern throughout our state, and when they arrive home, they send a blanket email to all of the people with whom they have stayed, offering their blanket thanks.

We never hear from them except when they are traveling our way or involved in fundraising for a charity they have adopted, and we are feeling ill-used. Are we too sensitive?

GENTLE READER: Or not sensitive enough. Why you are happy to have inconsiderate people use your house as a hotel baffles Miss Manners. But as you are, perhaps you should avail yourselves of the protections employed by hotels.

One would be to remain closed out of season. In your case, that would refer to your non-vacation periods, when you can say, "We're so sorry, but this is not a good time for us," adding, if you wish, that you would love to see them at a specified time that would be convenient for you.

Another would be to offer sightseeing and restaurant advice, as a good hotel clerk or concierge would do, while making it clear that you do not offer escorted tours. "You might enjoy this," you could say with your recommendations. "We're off to work, but have a good time, and let us know how it goes."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have naturally red cheeks, often referred to as rosacea. I also tend to blush easily. I am at a loss for an appropriate response when friends and acquaintances ask, "Why is your face so red?"

GENTLE READER: Try looking down at the ground and saying, "You're embarrassing me."

Notice that you will not necessarily have claimed to be blushing if you are not. You could say this in response to any nosy question. But it is a particularly apt way of dealing with this particular unfortunate remark.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am left-handed and want to ask about seating arrangements. I have two problems.

First, I am a student, so perhaps you can answer this for people in college. In a seminar class, we use the small desks with tops that attach to the right side of the chair. There are usually a few "left-handed" desks like this with the writing surface on the opposite side.

However, in my last class, I realized I'd taken the only such desk because I'd arrived early. Is it proper for me to stay in that seat, or offer to alternate seats with the other left-handed students on different class days, since it's difficult to take notes when the writing surface is on the "wrong" side?

Alternately, since there are no people with disabilities in the class, would it be wrong for one of us to take the classroom's one table designated for that use until (and if) the classroom gets more left-handed desks?

Second, if I am at a meal with people, I try my best not to bump into others when eating. However, it is difficult when seated next to a right-handed person, especially when space is tight, and I am clumsy.

Is it all right for me to request, if possible, that I be seated on the left end of the table or some other seat that will not lead to bumping elbows? I have excellent manners otherwise, and these situations are embarrassing.

GENTLE READER: They shouldn't be. Intention and thoughtfulness count for a lot in etiquette, and clearly you are doing your best as a left-handed person in a world built for right-handed ones.

If you get to class first, take the desk. It would be gracious to alternate with the other left-handed students and to work out a plan. Further, Miss Manners sees nothing wrong with taking advantage of whatever unused furniture in the classroom is useful to you -- as long as you relinquish it immediately to anyone who is in greater need.

Second, if it is more comfortable for both you and your dinner companions, by all means request to sit on the left end of the dinner table. (However, if you are attending a formal seated dinner with name cards, please make this request well in advance.) As long as your attitude is not belligerent and defensive, as clearly yours is not, you should certainly feel at ease about politely asserting your rights. Or lefts, as the case may be.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)