DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have naturally red cheeks, often referred to as rosacea. I also tend to blush easily. I am at a loss for an appropriate response when friends and acquaintances ask, "Why is your face so red?"

GENTLE READER: Try looking down at the ground and saying, "You're embarrassing me."

Notice that you will not necessarily have claimed to be blushing if you are not. You could say this in response to any nosy question. But it is a particularly apt way of dealing with this particular unfortunate remark.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am left-handed and want to ask about seating arrangements. I have two problems.

First, I am a student, so perhaps you can answer this for people in college. In a seminar class, we use the small desks with tops that attach to the right side of the chair. There are usually a few "left-handed" desks like this with the writing surface on the opposite side.

However, in my last class, I realized I'd taken the only such desk because I'd arrived early. Is it proper for me to stay in that seat, or offer to alternate seats with the other left-handed students on different class days, since it's difficult to take notes when the writing surface is on the "wrong" side?

Alternately, since there are no people with disabilities in the class, would it be wrong for one of us to take the classroom's one table designated for that use until (and if) the classroom gets more left-handed desks?

Second, if I am at a meal with people, I try my best not to bump into others when eating. However, it is difficult when seated next to a right-handed person, especially when space is tight, and I am clumsy.

Is it all right for me to request, if possible, that I be seated on the left end of the table or some other seat that will not lead to bumping elbows? I have excellent manners otherwise, and these situations are embarrassing.

GENTLE READER: They shouldn't be. Intention and thoughtfulness count for a lot in etiquette, and clearly you are doing your best as a left-handed person in a world built for right-handed ones.

If you get to class first, take the desk. It would be gracious to alternate with the other left-handed students and to work out a plan. Further, Miss Manners sees nothing wrong with taking advantage of whatever unused furniture in the classroom is useful to you -- as long as you relinquish it immediately to anyone who is in greater need.

Second, if it is more comfortable for both you and your dinner companions, by all means request to sit on the left end of the dinner table. (However, if you are attending a formal seated dinner with name cards, please make this request well in advance.) As long as your attitude is not belligerent and defensive, as clearly yours is not, you should certainly feel at ease about politely asserting your rights. Or lefts, as the case may be.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For several decades, I have been a consultant, hired by government agencies, higher education institutions and nonprofits for advice and planning. During the past decade, I've found that many of my clients have lost their manners. I would like to know how to work around this.

For example, one very big client and I had a contract and exchange of emails about the final product. I provided a product that went well beyond our agreement and put in uncompensated hours, but the client decided that she wanted even more, so that she would look fabulous to her granting agency. Because I don't advertise and all my new business comes from word-of-mouth, I had to provide extra flourishes that were never part of our contract in order to make her happy and keep her from speaking ill of me.

Another client decided that he could delay my project for almost a year after the start date in the contract because he just didn't feel ready to let me start. This threw my work for him into the following year when I was working for other clients, causing me to put in months of 18-hour workdays.

There have been several other incidents where clients have completely ignored my needs. How do I get them to be more thoughtful without alienating them and causing bad publicity? I can't simply point to the contract and refuse to budge. It seems so unprofessional to remind them at the signing that I am not a machine.

GENTLE READER: Good manners do not require you to renegotiate a business deal at the whim of every unreasonable client.

The airline that refuses to hold the plane because you are running late is not treating you rudely -- at least not in regard to when they close the doors. But lectures that you should have arrived at the airport earlier would be both rude and, since they are unlikely to be appreciated, bad business.

If you are willing to undertake additional work or modify an agreed-upon schedule, then you are in an ideal position to renegotiate both sides of the deal to suit your needs. Miss Manners only asks that you recognize when driving too hard a bargain will indeed result in bad feelings and possibly also bad publicity.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often find myself in situations where someone makes a lewd joke that I am uncomfortable with. My natural reaction is one of embarrassment, and I usually look down or divert my gaze. My reaction often worsens the situation because it makes the joke teller feel guilty for making the joke.

What is the best way to let someone know that I don't feel comfortable with lewd jokes, without making the person feel embarrassed herself?

GENTLE READER: Don't laugh.

Dissenting, however politely, will only lead to accusations ranging from humorlessness to stifling free speech. But Miss Manners assure you that a silent stare at the joke teller can do wonders.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend's future daughter-in-law will not allow her to know the color theme for the wedding. My friend has asked her several times what color would she like her to wear.

All the bride says is, "Wear whatever you are comfortable in."

Well, she has invested in two dresses. The first is going to be too warm to wear to an outdoor wedding in the South. The second is an ivory/cream color, and she has been told that color is inappropriate. Is it true that that color is inappropriate?

GENTLE READER: Is it your friend's hope that she can turn this sensible and considerate young lady into a bossy, detail-obsessed bride?

Dressing her prospective mother-in-law is not the bride's responsibility. Many who attempt it discover that it is not conducive to warm family relationships.

Nor does a wedding require a "theme," other than marriage.

Your friend should not be investing in clothes that are unsuitable for the weather. She should wear something dressy that she likes. And while it is not customary for others to wear the same shade as the bridal dress, Miss Manners is confident that the bride in question will not go to pieces worrying that people will confuse the two of them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband's two daughters estranged themselves from him more than 20 years ago. Their actions were likely inspired by their deceased mother, who had severe emotional problems, but neither has chosen to explain her reasons. He has four grandchildren he has never met.

Although he has made many thoughtful efforts to heal the wounds and seek reconciliation, he has not been successful. He has an excellent relationship with his son and daughter-in-law, as do I.

My husband is now in his 80s. He has asked me how I would phrase his obituary -- in terms of survivors -- if he predeceases me.

My initial impulse is to list the daughters, their husbands and their children, along with his son and daughter-in-law. Yet it seems strange to include children he's never met and a son-in-law he met only once. The daughters have been dishonest and unkind with their father, and part of me says they don't deserve to be listed.

But if they are omitted, many casual friends who know the daughters but not the situation will surely find it strange. I want to take the high road. The question is much on my husband's mind, and I want above all to be kind and respectful to him.

GENTLE READER: It is not the purpose of an obituary to thank the people who have behaved well to the deceased. Rather, it is intended to be a tiny, instant account of that person's life.

Miss Manners understands your desire to reassure your husband, but if you have to give him an answer, you might point out that excluding the daughters would indeed create curiosity from those who know the family.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)