DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had the good fortune to both go to the U.S. and have American visitors here in Sweden many times. I love the U.S., the American hospitality and the positive attitude that most seem to have, except regarding one thing that I don't know how to address:

So many have a negative attitude about their own country, calling themselves ignorant, lacking any form of refinement or culture and, even worse, presuming that I, as a European, should share their negativity about the U.S.

I tell them that I go there because I love the country, that I think American novelists, playwrights, directors and so on may be the most influential of all, and that I am happy to learn about historical landmarks and so on.

Yet I very often get things like, "This is the oldest building in this town, but I guess it is nothing to you." (I have three 1,000-year-old churches within walking distance, but am still just as impressed by what I get to see in the U.S.)

I am happy to talk about American politics -- in general and with a positive attitude -- but often get to hear how bad it is, and how embarrassing it is that they don't know anything about our government, even though I say it is natural, since American politics affect the whole world, whereas we are a very small country in the outskirts of Europe.

Sometimes it seems that the only way to get out of it is to say, "Yes, I guess you are right, the U.S. sucks." Then they would surely change their tune, but I refuse to go there.

GENTLE READER: Wouldn't you think that there is enough lamentable anti-Americanism in the world that Americans wouldn't want to add to it?

But what you describe, and Miss Manners deplores, is a peculiarly old sense of inferiority, echoing the sneers of Europeans two centuries ago, when the United States, as a "young country," was denigrated as rough, ignorant, uncultured and ill-behaved.

Considering that America was then represented abroad by such people as Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin, it was not an observant assumption. It is even less so now that the American arts are world-class.

Jingoism is also offensive, Miss Manners hastens to add. Those who boastingly claim that everything is perfect in their country, whatever it is, are as unpleasant as they are unbelievable.

But Miss Manners asks you to consider that people who air specific complaints, political or otherwise, may not be guilty of either extreme. Feeling free to dissent -- and to grouse -- is actually a point of pride in America. It is the generalized dismissal of the country that Miss Manners finds offensive, as you do.

She hopes that when you hear such talk, you will gently counter it with your own more informed views.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I properly introduce the divorced parents of the groom?

GENTLE READER: They've already met.

Oh, you mean to other people. "This is Zachary's mother ..." "This is Zachary's father ..." along with their names.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband has the (bad) habit of "looking up" information regularly on his cellphone in the middle of conversations. (He looks up information relevant to the conversation topic.)

I've just gotten used to it when the two of us are alone, but at times he does it when we are out with others. I have told him I think this is extremely rude, especially because our companions must think he's checking his email and ignoring them, and I have suggested that at the very least he explain, "You mentioned sweetbread recipes; I'm checking the ingredients." But he won't.

How should I behave when he does this? Stern looks have no effect. Should I make light of it and offer our companions an explanation -- "Herbert is always looking up interesting facts"? Or do I just bite my tongue and let our companions feel insulted?

GENTLE READER? The former. If your husband won't offer an excuse as to why he is checking his phone, then you may do so on his behalf. If you do it enough, perhaps he will start to do it himself.

But at the very least, you will feel better and your companions will feel less slighted. You may tell Herbert from Miss Manners, however, what you and your friends already know: that disrupting the flow of conversation in the name of enhancing the conversation may actually be the death of conversation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 15-year-old son wishes to participate in an after-school activity that lets out at 4:30 p.m. My husband and I cannot always get to the school by 4:30 p.m. because of work.

A friend of his who lives down the road is participating, and I told my son he should see if he can hitch a ride home with his friend and walk home from his house.

He feels this is rude, and I cannot convince him otherwise -- you are the final word. I offered to talk to the parents, but he thinks that, too, is rude.

Is it rude to ask your friend to ride home with him? Or for me to ask the parents this?

GENTLE READER: As long as you promise to avoid words like "hitch," Miss Manners finds nothing rude in asking for a ride. Presumably it would be the parents of the other boy driving, so it is best for you to ask them directly: "On days that we aren't able to get to the school on time, would it be all right if Harrison rode home with you and walked from there?"

Do not abuse the privilege and do offer to reciprocate, driving or doing other favors, wherever you can.

But Miss Manners urges you to check with your son if there are other reasons that he might not want to infringe on his friend. If it is truly good manners, Miss Manners is happy to reassure him. But if there is another reason -- or he just prefers to be left to his own devices -- that might be a conversation worth having, before you hear about it from an alternate source.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm curious if you have an official stance on the act of soliciting donations for marathons, triathlons, etc.

Can it ever be appropriate? Does throwing a party to fund-raise for the race make it more acceptable?

It's been a lifetime dream of mine to run the Boston Marathon, but the idea of soliciting donations for something I enjoy doing seems ridiculous. Are my only options to either take another year or two (or 10) to run other races and achieve a qualifying time (non-charity runners don't need to donate), or personally save and donate the $5,000 required donation as a charity runner?

GENTLE READER: Ah, the Girl Scout Cookie Problem: love the bonfires and s'mores, not so crazy about working for free, importuning friends and relatives.

If it is any consolation, there is a long and honorable tradition of private individuals raising money for worthy causes. But there is an equally long, if less honorable, tradition of annoying one's friends with constant demands for money.

Which your friends would think you are following depends not -- as is too often assumed -- on the purity of your cause, but on the aggressiveness of your tactics. If you do choose to fund-raise, Miss Manners recommends a dignified and restrained approach.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter is turning 12 and wants us, her parents, to redecorate her room, and she also wants to have a birthday party.

I told her she could only get her room redecorated or have a birthday party. She suggested she have a "room decorating party" where she invites her friends, and instead of bringing random gifts, she asks them to bring an item for her room. She would ask them to bring something that relates to their friendship in the color of her room. Is this appropriate?

GENTLE READER: Your daughter is to be commended for quick thinking, if not, in this case, good manners.

Presents are a voluntary offering not properly dictated by the recipient. Miss Manners suggests that your daughter instead apply herself to finding a redecorating solution that does not require dunning either her parents or her friends.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm allowing children at my wedding reception. However, I have one guest whose child I do not want to come.

How can I ask this one person not to bring their child, when there are plenty of other children in attendance? My reason is that the child has a history of attacking his parents, other children and adults in large group settings. In the last two engagements, the police were called.

GENTLE READER: The police? Is that child attacking people with the wedding cake knife?

Your options are limited. You may choose not to invite children generally. You may choose not to invite the parent -- avoiding the troublesome child along the way. Or you may speak with the guest and say that while you adore the child, you suspect that this would not be an event he would enjoy.

The third option does not, Miss Manners points out, guarantee the outcome you want. But separating parents from their children against their will requires more force than etiquette provides.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)