DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a new mother, trying my best to keep up with all the new demands that motherhood brings. And I just finished reading a column in which you said that "Maybe" was never an appropriate response when you RSVP.

I admit I have been saying "Maybe" to events lately. I would really like to attend these events if possible, but if I need to stay home to nurse my son, then I wouldn't be able to attend. (I don't include all those details in the RSVP -- just mentioning them here so you understand why I haven't been committing!)

I assume that when my son is older and on a schedule, it will become easier for me to commit definitively. But what should I do in the meantime? Just decline all invitations? Say yes, and then back out at the last minute if I cannot attend?

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners is sympathetic to the pressing and unpredictable demands of new motherhood, she also cautions against relying on your child as a perpetual excuse (in non-emergency situations, of course).

You will find that it will be an endless resource and will have the unfortunate result of diminishing invitations.

While it is still early, you may want to find a way to reconcile this with a social life now. If finding an alternative food source for your son is not an option, then yes, decline invitations until you and your son can find a mutually satisfying schedule (backing out at the last minute will not be looked upon kindly more than once). Your hosts would likely be much happier knowing that your status is temporary, than thinking of you as simply an unreliable guest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I react when people say "I'm sorry," but they really are not, and I do not want to forgive them?

An example -- a friend or client is running late and it inconveniences me greatly. They show up and throw out a quick, "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late (insert excuse)."

Must I reply, "That's OK" -- even if it isn't?

Or, what about when I am out with a friend and she takes an unnecessary call or text on her phone and leaves me standing there awkwardly? She turns to me afterward and nonchalantly says, "Oh, I'm sorry ... blah, blah, blah."

The "I am sorry" in these and other situations feels insincere. It seems to just pop out of their mouths and not mean anything. What can I reply other than "That's OK" when it is not!?

GENTLE READER: People also say, "How are you?" as a nicety and rarely listen to the answer. Miss Manners acknowledges that a half-hearted apology is indeed frustrating, but saying "I'm sorry" is better than not.

However, as long as you are not outright rude in your reaction, responding "That's OK" after an annoyance is not strictly necessary. "Oh, I'm sure it must have been important" -- said without sarcasm -- should convey the necessary inconvenience while still giving the offenders the benefit of the doubt.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A guy I just started dating took me out to dinner for my birthday on our fourth date. He raised his glass and made a toast in my honor.

I chimed in during the toast to say something nice about him as well. He said that I should not have interrupted the toast. I suggested that correcting etiquette is also not proper form. Can you help us?

GENTLE READER: There were three breaches of etiquette by Miss Manners' count. You interrupted your date while he was speaking. He admonished you. And you admonished him.

Assuming that the evening did not end with a fourth, unreported breach -- for example, his drink on your dress -- and that a fifth date is therefore a possibility, Miss Manners prescribes apologies all around.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation for my niece's baby shower, where the hosts listed are her 7- and 2-year-old daughters. This means her daughters will be the ones to run any shower games and to open each gift for their mother.

Her 7-year-old (4 years old at that time) was allowed to do that at her bridal shower. It was very annoying and time-consuming. Is this the trend now for parties, allowing the kids to be the hostesses?

GENTLE READER: The practice of using a party as a stage for one's children to bore the guests is not, Miss Manners notes, new.

And there is certainly a trend toward misunderstanding the duties of a host, which include inviting and entertaining the guests, not focusing on being the recipient of gifts. Etiquette sets no minimum age, but does require that a host understand -- not to mention fulfill -- her duties. It also prohibits her from throwing a shower for herself, or even agreeing to one when it is not her first child.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of the people in our office (a second career for me, where everyone is 20 years younger) is getting married next fall. I have picked up some indications that this individual may feel obligated to invite everyone from the office.

While I would be honored and delighted to be invited, I know that in this case the guest list is limited. I would not want to displace another guest who is more deserving.

Is there any tactful way to pre-emptively handle this situation? I thought of taking the individual aside and explaining all of this, but I don't think that would be "correct," especially because it is possible I've misread the situation entirely. Is it better to politely decline the invitation with some made-up excuse, or just cheerfully attend?

GENTLE READER: There is no correct way to decline an invitation that has not been issued, even if you feel that accepting would place undo hardship on your host. Should you be invited, Miss Manners suggests that you not explain your reason for declining, as the assertion that an invitation was not made wholeheartedly is not a flattering one. She also expects that you will not feel offended if the invitation does not materialize. If it does, you may treat it as sincere and accept if you wish.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I have the good fortune to be co-owners of a house near the beach. When we can't use it, we often offer it to friends for the weekend or the week. This is a community where many of the houses are rented during the summer at rather high rates.

I am surprised that while our friends have thanked us (usually just an email), there has been no offer of any reciprocity beyond that, and often the thank-you seems rather perfunctory.

In particular, one close friend has stayed there five times. After her last stay, I wrote her an email suggesting that she might want to buy a small item that we could use at the house. I never received a response to that email, and I thought that perhaps the email had gone astray (it happens).

But the last time I saw her, she mentioned that it was still "at the top of her mind." Now a half-year later, we had already made that purchase, and I told her so.

I know that she, her husband, children, mother, father and aunt enjoy their time at the beach, and when we can't use the house it seems silly to have it go unoccupied. But at the same time, I feel like I have been very generous without any sign of reciprocity.

Suggestions? Or should one just realize that generosity is its own reward, and if that is not enough, stop offering?

GENTLE READER: That generosity should be its own total reward, to the extent that it is defiled by the expectation even of any acknowledgment, is an argument with which Miss Manners is only too familiar.

But she generally hears it from youngsters who are indignant that their selfish grandmothers expect them to say they received presents she sent. Instead of troubling them, why not just look to see if the checks are being cashed?

This is not an argument that charms Miss Manners, even when it is bolstered by recitals of how many other demands there are on teenagers' valuable time. She does not have far to go to find greater examples of selfishness than that of hoping to hear that one's attempts to please have been successful.

In your case, you can presume that these people like the beach house, because they keep coming back. What is lacking is any sign that they actually like you for providing it. Surely if they did, they would invite you to visit them, or otherwise exhibit gratitude (in more than a five-second email) for this enormous annual favor.

Personally, Miss Manners would be thinking warmly about strangers who pay those rather high rents. Call her selfish, but she thinks of it as saving those friends from the selfishness into which they have sunk.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best response to people I know casually and to strangers that tell me to smile?

GENTLE READER: "Say something witty that I've never heard before."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)