DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper and also gracious way to introduce the mother of a future baby whose parents are not married nor plan to remain close?

The future father is our relative, and neither family nor friends know the young lady. Are terms like "sister-in-law, cousin, granddaughter," etc., misleading and out of the question?

GENTLE READER: If the mother is not planning to stick around, Miss Manners would not have thought that how to introduce her would be a problem. Certainly if the relatives plan to gather at the hospital, her connection to the goings-on should be self-evident.

But assuming that introductions will be necessary in the future, you have public (as opposed to romantic, or perhaps unromantic) facts to use. Introducing her by her name, adding, by way of any needed identification, "Noah's mother" or "Our little cousin's mother," will not draw attention to an omission that was, in any case, not yours.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I grew up with an alcoholic father and have a very clear picture of the downsides of alcohol. I drink only occasionally, and I tend to come up with excuses at social events where I don't drink: I'm the designated driver, I have an early start in the morning, I'm watching my calories, etc.

Is there a polite way to tell well-meaning but intrusive friends that comments about my drinking behaviors are not welcome?

GENTLE READER: The freedom with which casual acquaintances -- and even strangers -- press the most personal questions is a constant source of astonishment to Miss Manners.

Possibly these people are encouraged by the fact that you are not in possession of a drink to throw in their faces. So you could arm yourself early in the event with an ambiguous glass of orange juice or sparkling water with a slice of lime.

You do not actually need an excuse; you could keep repeating, "Thank you, I don't care for a drink" until the nosy become bored with probing. Or you could keep repeating the answers you have been giving. Remarkably, people who do not respect personal privacy are unlikely to question a desire to lose weight, the needs of the job or driver safety.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My signature appetizer dish for years has been my spinach dip. I am going to a game-watching party, and my "friend" who knows this is my dish says that she is bringing it.

I feel she should have asked if I was bringing it, as she knows I always do. I told her I'm bringing mine regardless, and there will be plenty of spinach dip for all!

GENTLE READER: Will the teams be negotiating their own disagreements, or will there be a referee?

Miss Manners thought so. In the absence of what used to be called a host -- who either provides the food himself or awards jurisdiction for different dishes at a potluck -- you will have to hope that everyone likes spinach. (And if you want to offer the other fans an additional contest to watch and possibly cheer, you could label your offering "Sofia's original spinach dip.")

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to react when someone says their loved one is being deployed?

Often times, people feel honored and excited to serve their country; however, most have some level of sadness and trepidation. I don't want to come off as thinking it is a death sentence, but I want to convey the proper sympathy.

GENTLE READER: If you must guess at people's unexpressed feelings -- always a highly risky endeavor -- why assume the negative? Miss Manners assures you that the relatives are well aware of the danger and do not need to you remind them.

You could just as easily say, "You must be very proud," and offer sympathy only if it seems to be requested.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister had a heart attack. We don't live in the same state (yet we speak daily). I sent her a food basket that came with a card, yet she still thinks I should have sent her a separate get-well card. What are you thoughts on this?

GENTLE READER: That your sister is not well, and this is no time to get into a squabble over an unreasonable but minor demand. Miss Manners advises pelting her with affectionate cards.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiancee and I have decided it makes more financial sense to elope on a nice beach somewhere than to spend money we don't have (nor do our parents) on a big wedding.

However, I come from a close-knit Southern town, and I know some friends and neighbors will be horribly offended that they were not invited. I know a couple who have held grudges for years over this sort of thing!

What is the kindest way to explain to them that I care about them very much, but don't have thousands of dollars to spend on a fancy wedding?

GENTLE READER: Let's first make sure that they care very much about you. Is it that an emotional attachment makes them long to be with you at this important milestone in your life -- and not that weddings are the way they enjoy luxurious entertainment at little expense? That bit about grudges is a bad sign.

However, if the affection is mutual, and finances are your only problem, Miss Manners can help. Eloping is a way of escaping the participation of others. But you express regret not being able to afford including them.

All you have to do is to detach the concept of "wedding" from "lavish," "expensive" and "fancy."

An informal wedding can be charming -- even a relief from the overblown, pretentious extravaganzas so common today. You can send first-person, handwritten notes to those people you care about, inviting them to your beach wedding. If it is not scheduled at a usual mealtime, you can serve them punch, or beer, or lemonade, and a homemade cake.

Your true well-wishers will have the pleasure of witnessing and celebrating your marriage. Anyone who is disappointed not to be treated to champagne, a four-course dinner and an evening of dancing (not to mention the auxiliary events that so often turn a wedding into a weekend of activities) may decline. And any grudges on that account need not bother you, because they will not be held by friends.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I moved into my home, I moved in with my then-partner of two years. Now, three years later, my partner has left me, and I am a young woman living alone.

I am not bothered by that, but I have not yet had time to grieve my five-year relationship, and things are still turbulent with my ex.

How do I politely tell my next-door neighbor that I am not interested in his offers of a date or companionship now or in the future?

He is very nice to me and, before, was very nice to my ex. I really don't want to burn the bridge of friendship, but so far, my excuses of being very busy or not sure of my plans have not discouraged him. What can I do or say to get my interests across?

GENTLE READER: Or lack thereof. "I'm so sorry, but I'm afraid that I'm just not interested in changing the nature of our very nice friendship."

Miss Manners notes that wisely, you have not told him you are "not ready" for romance, as when you eventually are, it will be very clear -- as he lives next door -- that you were just not ready for him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every year, we host a kid-friendly holiday party for family, friends and co-workers in our home. I try to invite all the previous year's invitees, as well as any new acquaintances or friends that I've made.

The trouble has been with my daughter's classmates. There are only two second-grade classes in her school, with a total of 30 children. She has close friends in both classes, and I know many parents (and have been inviting many of those parents to our parties) in both classes.

In the interest of not having 100-plus in our home, and only inviting people I have actually met, I'd prefer not to invite everyone in her class or the other class. However, there are only four kids in my daughter's class of 15 whose family I have never met.

Under these circumstances, is it rude to extend a holiday party invitation to 11 of the 15 families? Must I invite all 15?

Then what about the other class? I know, and am friends with, about half of that class, but don't really want to invite them all. Is there a non-rude way to invite some, but not all, the kids and their families? Whittling it down by category, I could invite only families of girls, but we've been friends with some of the boys' families for years, and I'd rather not cut them out.

GENTLE READER: There is a big difference between a "kid-friendly" party and a party for kids. If this gathering is primarily for your friends -- and by association, some of your daughter's -- then the guest list is entirely up to you.

It should be made up only of people whom you know and want there -- and, Miss Manners notes, who would likewise know you and want to be there. It is only children's parties -- primarily on birthdays -- where school policies and fairness issues get involved, that it might become necessary to invite an entire class.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)