DEAR MISS MANNERS: My very dear aunt has a hobby of making homemade greeting cards that she sends to some of her friends and family. The cards are usually very nice, but she doesn't really make enough of them to make selling them online very worthwhile. She sends a bunch to Operation Write Home, but she still ends up with more cards than she knows what to do with.

I suggested that she could send them to random people in the phone book and make their day (who doesn't want to get something nice in the mail that's not a bill?), but she thinks it would be creepy. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That if you want to prescribe (or practice) what are known as random acts of kindness, you show a bit more consideration for the targeted recipients.

If you received a greeting card from a stranger, or an unsigned one, would you really go all glowy with the thought that there is a greater supply out there of human kindness, and that you are fortunate to have been touched by it?

That may describe the reaction of those who find that their toll or drinks have been paid anonymously. But Miss Manners can think of far more likely reactions to a randomly sent card:

(1) That it is an advertisement, not worth the attention to try to discover for what.

(2) That it was misdirected, and the intended recipient will have been cheated of whatever pleasure it might have brought.

(3) "Why can't I remember who this person is? How am I supposed to reciprocate when I can't figure out who this is? Someone's trying to be nice to me, and I'm going to come off as rude."

Therefore, Miss Manners would consider it a randomly distributed favor for you to spare these people, and to suggest to your aunt that she find additional charities that would be grateful to receive cards for their clients to use.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If someone at the table asks for the butter, do you hand them the butter and the butter knife? Like how salt and pepper get handed together?

GENTLE READER: Even more so. The custom of passing the salt and pepper together (besides the fact that they are a close couple) presumes that both may be wanted, even if only one was requested.

But Miss Manners asks you to picture the plight of the diner who has the butter but no butter knife. The only person looking more foolish would be the one who is holding the orphaned butter knife.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am about to send out housewarming invitations, and I'm having an issue as to whether I should include registry information.

I know that normally this is tacky, but my engagement party never happened thanks to Superstorm Sandy. I planned my wedding in two weeks to make sure my dad could walk me down the aisle before starting his second round of chemo. I never had a shower.

GENTLE READER: If anything is tackier than instructing your guests to do your shopping at their expense, it is tallying up your missed opportunities to do so. Miss Manners is sorry for your past misfortunes, but please do not ask others to compensate you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm so tired of the question, "How are you?"

When shopping at the mall, I am accosted with that question at every store, sometimes several times at the same store.

People ask it when I'm walking by, and I don't have time to answer it. I'm so tired of choking out "Good" that I'm planning to start taking these impositions as an invitation to unload my mind.

Is "How are you?" an overused and somewhat overly familiar expression today?

GENTLE READER: Of course these people are not burning to know about your emotional and physical well-being; they were instructed to say this, presumably to draw you into their establishments.

Retaliating tediously is not likely to make them override this requirement. On the contrary, it will give them a chance to seem sympathetic, and thus delay you even more.

"How are you?" is merely a pleasantry, not overused so much as it is misused. It should follow a greeting, not substitute for one, and requires only a minimal answer. But if choking out "good" -- or really the more proper "well," Miss Manners feels compelled to point out -- is too taxing, perhaps you can manage a weak smile as you hasten on your way.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister will not commit and keep to a time when her family and our parents will visit us, but will say, "Don't plan around us; when we get there, we will get there" -- and then get there three to five hours late.

Other times, we will set a time to meet at a mid-place, and after we have already arrived, we will get a text or call where she says, "Oh, don't plan around us; when we get there, we will get there."

But what are we supposed to do when we are sitting at the appointed place, waiting? She seems to feel that by sweetly saying, "Oh, don't plan around us," that relieves her of any responsibility for our time.

We are currently trying to coordinate schedules for another family get-together. What can I say to my sister to let her know her sweet statement is really saying, "Our time is more important than your time, so wait on us until we get there"?

GENTLE READER: Why don't you just take your sister up on her offer and start without her?

You could say, "Since you always ask us not to plan around you, here is what we are planning" and cite the relevant time frames. If she doesn't show up within them, continue to your next activity or return home, as the case may be.

As she has repeatedly begged you not to take her schedule into account when planning yours, Miss Manners fails to see why you should not do so. A pleasant side effect may be that this gets her attention and makes her try harder next time not to miss the fun.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How would you express thanks when the event was uncomfortable? Not so glorious!

GENTLE READER: "Thank you so much for inviting me."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it necessary for businesses to apologize for every little mistake or lack of product?

I see signs constantly that try to appease the public, such as: "There was an error in our ad, which stated X product at X price. The correct price is Y. We apologize for any inconvenience." Also, "We are out of free gift boxes. We apologize for any inconvenience."

Hey, if they are out, they are out. Should the "I'm sorry" sign always be needed?

GENTLE READER: Are you perhaps in retail? Miss Manners has not run into many customers who are offended by a company's apologizing for running a fraudulent advertisement or being unable to provide a promised service. Apologizing for mistakes is good manners and good business.

That said, Miss Manners is willing to dispense with the phrase, "We apologize for any inconvenience." It is safe to assume that when, for example, a three-hour flight delay is announced, no one found it convenient to have extra time to hang out at the airport.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What's the best way to delay announcing a winner when no winner is available in a promotion or when nobody won?

GENTLE READER: Promptly. Certainly before word leaks out, and you have to fend off people volunteering to cash the winnings themselves.

Most announcements of the type you describe are attended by those who have an interest in the outcome, and the news that there may still be a chance for them will not, Miss Manners trusts, come as a disappointment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a call from a colleague inviting me to a 60th birthday party he is planning for his boss. I do not socialize with this colleague or his boss, although I know them both.

I wanted to turn down the invitation, but to be polite I said that I would mark it on my calendar, but wasn't sure if I could attend. Then the inviter replied, "OK, I'll be collecting $10 or $15 ahead of time for the party."

Now I'm completely turned off! Even if I could attend, I certainly don't want to fund the party. What can I do to turn down the invitation, and to point out to the inviter that he should fund the party that he wants to throw for his boss?

GENTLE READER: The anti-hospitality inherent in charging a guest is unfortunately common. In your case, however, Miss Manners notices that things might not have gotten to this stage had you yourself not misstepped.

Good manners do not require you to accept every invitation, but they do prohibit the conditional acceptance you gave -- and in the mistaken belief that it was more polite. Your host no doubt now feels fully justified in charging you in advance, having heard that you expect him to prepare for your arrival, but feel yourself under no obligation actually to attend.

Consult your calendar and give the answer you should have given initially, namely that you are flattered to have been invited, but that you find you are unfortunately unable to attend.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)