DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 39-year-old wife, turning 40 in 2015. I am very happily married, moderately successful and childless.

Since my wedding 16 years ago, I have not had an occasion to "be celebrated," and I think it's about high time! No baby showers, no children who will graduate or get married. No grandchildren.

Frankly, a girl needs a reason to get dolled up, buy a gown and get some attention, and I, for one, don't think there is anything wrong with that.

Can my husband and I throw a classy, formal "black and white" party for friends and family that celebrates, well, me? Gifts would be gratefully declined and donations made to a worthy cause instead, for those who feel moved to do so.

My parents are, thankfully, still here, and my sisters' kids are now adults but not yet married and moved on. Now seems like a great time to celebrate life!

Or am I just a total crazy person who is so self-centered she can't see past her very own nose to realize that this is a really bad idea?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but there is an awful lot of that going around. Miss Manners has the impression that if you asked people whom they most admired and would like to honor, they would freely admit it was themselves.

The selfie party, for whatever excuse, has become commonplace. Grown-ups throw themselves annual birthday parties, brides and expectant parents demand showers, and those who, like you, missed a possible milestone that could have been such an occasion are asking for compensation.

At least you are not proposing this as an excuse to extract material tributes. And the desire to dress up and have a festive time, in this era of relentless casualness, is understandable. So if you are willing to make some minor adjustments, Miss Manners would be happy to help.

Give your formal party, buy yourself that dress, celebrate life, just don't advertise that it is all about you. Don't call it a birthday party -- just a party, whose object is to give your guests a good time. Occasion parties have so crowded out purely-for-fun parties that your friends are bound to be delighted and grateful.

And that way, you will be celebrated for what you have done for others, instead of what you have demanded for yourself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband has always refused to wear a tuxedo at the few formal events we have attended since retirement, but I am now hoping to get him into a dinner jacket for formal nights on a cruise.

Are these two styles interchangeable? What kind of occasions call for which mode?

GENTLE READER: Good news for your husband: He can wear a dinner jacket, with Miss Manners' approval. That is because "dinner jacket" is a fastidious term for what is commonly called a tuxedo.

Some time after 1886, when tailless (and thus relatively informal) evening clothes for men first appeared, the name this suit picked up from being introduced at the Tuxedo Club in Tuxedo Park, New York, came to be considered too commercial for gentlemanly use. On invitations, the correct term is "black tie" (as opposed to "white tie," the now-rare full evening dress), and in conversation, it is a dinner jacket, with the pants simply assumed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter was 7.5 months pregnant when the ultrasound relayed that her baby had passed away. Her baby shower was around the corner, and we have many gifts here.

I am wondering, what is the protocol? My husband and I would like to keep the gifts as an encouragement to our daughter for the future. Some have already told me to keep the gift. Do I ask each person, or does my daughter just send thank-you notes?

GENTLE READER? The former. Your daughter doesn't (and shouldn't) have to express thanks for presents she has not received. Please spare her the pain of explaining the situation to each person.

Since you will need to cancel the shower anyway, tell each guest that you will make arrangements to return the presents. If they decline the offer (which they likely will do, but you cannot suggest it), then you may keep them tucked away for future use.

But Miss Manners begs you not to tell your daughter of your plan. It is unlikely that the prospect of receiving presents will be an effective -- or tactful -- way to encourage her to try again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm planning to visit a town where I lived and worked for a number of years. A dear friend who is still there wants to gather all our old colleagues for a picnic or series of luncheons.

I recognize this as a very kind gesture on her part. However, these former colleagues and I have not stayed in touch, and, although we spent time together in groups on a regular basis, we never hung out together individually.

I don't really consider them old friends. A couple of them are good friends with my good friend, but they were never people whose company I enjoyed, frankly. Nonetheless, she considers them my good friends as well -- sort of by osmosis.

I really don't want to spend precious time with any of these people, "catching up" when we never bothered to before. I honestly don't dislike them, but there are several good friends outside this group that I do plan to visit with during my limited time in town.

Is there any gracious way to ask my good friend not to plan my social calendar, or do I just try to grin and bear it? I couldn't not tell her of my impending visit so she wouldn't have time to plan anything.

GENTLE READER: Tell her thank you for the offer, but that your time on this visit is limited, and the two of you have so much to catch up on that you really would prefer to keep it just the two of you. Further add that there are a few other friends about whom you feel the same way. If your friend continues to push her plans, Miss Manners suggests you assure her that there will be other visits where you are not so pressed for time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Nowadays when I call someone, the voice mail message often instructs me to "hang up and text me." This is said in a surprised, aggravated tone, as if I were violating an established rule known to everyone else.

Is this really the etiquette now? People would rather read badly typed, semi-coherent message fragments than have an actual conversation?

I think texting is fine for quick little messages and reminders, but I cannot imagine conducting the equivalent of a normal phone conversation by text. I know people are busy and don't always have time to chat on the phone, but I cannot help thinking that this new directive is rude.

GENTLE READER: It is true that one need not make oneself available to all forms of communication. Miss Manners choses not to get her feet wet at the beach retrieving discarded bottles on the off-chance that they may contain correspondence.

But once you have activated a voice mailbox, it is only polite to check it. Recognizing that one does not always have a choice in such matters, Miss Manners will allow for a gracious message to the effect that this box is not checked frequently, so that if your matter is urgent, you may prefer to use an alternate form of communication.

Meanwhile, send an email -- not a text, because you needn't follow rude instructions -- saying you would like to talk to that person sometime.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At family Christmas gatherings at my brother's house, his wife has an annoying habit of announcing what will be served to the guests, much like a waitress reciting the daily specials at a restaurant. She claims this is "dinner party" etiquette.

GENTLE READER: Not exactly, but it is not improper to do something that will strike you as even more restaurant-like: provide a menu.

Not, Miss Manners hastens to add, a list to be passed out with choices. The proper way to do this is to put little handwritten cards at intervals along the table so that the diners know what is to be served and can pace themselves. These days, fearing the worst, she had better specify that they should not contain prices.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When does the desire and pleasure found in continuing the traditions of the past become an annoying affectation?

I am not speaking of you. Nor am I referring to those rituals most necessary to the comfort of the bereaved or to the celebration of loved ones' accomplishments or milestones. I speak merely of those of us belonging to a generation who enjoy such relatively small courtesies as sending thank-you notes for dinner parties.

When does sending such a note, perhaps on embossed card stock, become an intolerable affectation that rather offends or aggravates than gratifies the majority? Of course, one would otherwise send a more informal thank-you message by way of email or text.

GENTLE READER: We have not reached that point yet -- not because there is nothing left for Miss Manners to do, but rather because the dinner party is sadly disappearing at the same rate as the accompanying letters of thanks. Miss Manners is ordering more card stock, and suggests that you do the same.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)