DEAR MISS MANNERS: From the perspective of a retired business executive, I do not find complaints about delays in hiring decisions unusual.

As things go, a job is offered to the winning candidate, and the employer waits for that candidate to accept before posting the job as filled. Should that candidate not accept or fail the drug testing, etc., the employer then has candidates two, three and so forth to fall back on.

I firmly believe that many of today's young men and women are so impatient that they expect immediate gratification on so many fronts. Society has taught these folks these bad habits and that behavior is, unfortunately, rampant.

Just look around the dining room during your next meal out and witness all of the patrons who are preoccupied with their texting, emailing, etc., during a meal. Disgusting!

Has the advent of instant messaging changed the time allowed to respond to business or personal correspondence?

GENTLE READER: Certainly. An American gentleman writing to his tailor in London in the 19th century had to be content to wait the months it could take a letter to reach its destination. Technology today makes it possible to respond almost instantaneously, and this has indeed shortened what is considered to be an acceptable wait.

But that is not the only factor. As you note, some delays are dictated by considerations other than the speed of the delivery service. A lady may wish to consider before accepting a proposal of marriage. If she requires an unusually long period for reflection, Miss Manners suggests she send an intermediate communication naming the time at which an answer may be expected.

The same rule may be applied to business correspondence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have invited a few friends over for Thanksgiving dinner. I was asked by some guests how many turkeys would I be preparing, and also was told how they prepared their stuffing and how much they like it that way!

After I said I might make a ham (for another friend who does not like turkey), I was told I should make a roast beef instead! I was flabbergasted on their comments from preparation to what I should make!

In the past when I have invited this couple, not once have they ever offered to bring a dish to pass nor any other way to help, nor a hostess gift or thank-you card.

Am I in the right to be upset? I feel very frustrated to have someone tell me what and how to do something with my own Thanksgiving dinner. My husband and I are thinking about doing a family dinner only now, as I am too afraid I'll get argumentative if these guests comment on something!

GENTLE READER: Perhaps you can explain to Miss Manners why you have continued to invite thankless people to Thanksgiving dinner. It seems singularly inappropriate.

In any case, the time to argue -- quietly and politely -- is at the first instance of interference. You should say: "I'll try to plan a menu that pleases everyone, but I'm not taking individual orders. I hope you will join us anyway."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the past 10 years, my family has been celebrating Thanksgiving at my sister and brother-in-law's home. Now we have received an email from our brother-in-law about how to dress when coming to Thanksgiving dinner.

My sister explains his lengthy treatise by saying that "he just feels very strongly about the way women dress these days."

By the tone of the three-page treatise, we can see that he is very upset about the current state of "undress" of the female of the species, i.e., low-cut tops showing cleavage and breasts.

None of the females who attend the dinner each year has ever dressed in the manner he describes, but we are tempted to do so, now that he has warned us not to!

Actually, we might have even agreed with some of his points if discussed at dinner, but we have never before received an email from him and do not wish to argue with him via the Internet. We are wavering between covering ourselves from head to toe or wearing the lowest-cut tops we own.

Which would you recommend, and what do you think about the inappropriateness of his warning?

GENTLE READER: The total cover-up has Miss Manners' vote as a response to this email, which is not just inappropriate but extra-insulting, as it was unprovoked by you recipients.

You should aim for satire, not rebellion, which would only provoke a matching speech, setting a new record for soporific holiday dinners.

You have forwarded the entire long text of your brother-in-law's rant, and Miss Manners was struck by his annoyance that the local newspaper did not print his views of the decline of civilization as expressed in female fashion, and his accusations that he finds this not only tasteless and somehow "aggressive," but also "sexually provocative." So he has self-published, as it were, an unprovoked attack on a captive audience.

He seems sadly in need of a ranting blog, where he might find like-minded people to encourage him.

Then there is his suggestion that his wife be asked to testify that "I am anything but puritanical in our private life." Talk about tasteless!

Oh, well. Miss Manners hopes that you are able to salvage some merriment out of the occasion. What is Thanksgiving without a nutty relative?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I love hosting family dinners on holidays. But I have family members who think that if they don't show up, they are still entitled to some of the food.

And if they do show up, they think they're entitled to take some of the food home with them, even if they never bought the food and more guests are still on their way.

Should there be a limit on food quantity, too? How do you define moderation when it comes to drinking sodas and eating burgers?

GENTLE READER: May Miss Manners skip that last question if she addresses the rest of your query? She considers it rude to monitor how much people eat -- or, in the case of Thanksgiving, pick on people for not eating enough.

Your relatives have evidently mistaken your home for a soup kitchen. You have no obligation to run one for them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm not sure how to handle it when my sister-in-law keeps bringing up how her 7-month-old baby boy looks like my 4-year-old son. She has gone so far as to take a picture of a picture of my son with her cellphone and walk around a party showing everyone and asking if her son looks like mine.

Honestly, her son looks nothing like my son, and I find it aggravating and borderline creepy that she keeps bringing it up. I'm not sure what to do. We do not have a good relationship at all, so I'm not sure why she insists on doing this at every social event we attend, or what she is trying to prove.

GENTLE READER: And what exactly is it that are you trying to prove? That your son and his cousin are not from the same family? Or that acts of indiscretion might have been involved in conceiving them?

Miss Manners is also at a loss about why you would consider a family resemblance creepy. If anything, it is a compliment to your son that she fancies that her son resembles him.

However, Miss Manners is beginning to understand why you and your sister-in-law are not close.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I manage an age-restricted apartment community, and I enjoy hosting activities for my residents. This is just an extra I do on my own. I love seeing them have fun. This month I tried something new and had a catered dinner. The cost was $12 per person, paid in advance.

One couple out of the 40 people who signed up did not attend the event. I thought about calling them, but then I got busy hosting the party for the other 38 who did attend. I am afraid that once things got rolling, I never gave the couple who did not show up another thought.

This couple was very upset the next day when they discovered that they missed the party and came in asking why I hadn't called them. They also asked for their meals, which I had not saved. I traditionally give any leftovers from events to my maintenance staff.

Do I have an obligation to remind people of a social event that I host and/or save their meals?

GENTLE READER? Under normal circumstances, no. A host does not -- and should not -- have an obligation to remind guests of an invitation.

But Miss Manners assumes that "age-restricted" means it is a retirement home or assisted-living facility. In that case, it seems that your assistance may be needed. If you know that it's a possibility that your guests might forget, send out a reminder the day of the event and save their meals when practical, or make arrangements to provide comparable ones at a later date -- one that you might also have to remind them to attend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are your thoughts on being invited to a Thanksgiving meal, only to be asked to pay per person (family)? Not everyone invited is asked to pay, and those that are asked to pay, pay more than a fair share.

GENTLE READER: A thought: Isn't Thanksgiving all about sharing? And charging relatives for their meals does not meet Miss Manners' definition of that.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)