DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I returned a phone call from a cousin, he asked why it had taken nearly two weeks for me to do so. I told him I wanted to be sure he'd receive my undivided attention when returning his call, and that was the reason for the delay.

Actually, it was not. He (and an increasing number of other people) only call me back when they are "stuck" with nothing better to do. I get calls from friends and family as they sit in traffic, wait in line, have a few minutes before they go in to see the dentist, etc. And worse yet, they tell me this!

To be informed that "Cousin Billy" only has a couple of minutes to talk because there are just two cars ahead of him at the drive-through does not make me feel special.

We are constantly interrupted during such chats by their children, traffic noises, other customers in line, and any number of things that distract them from the minimal amount of attention I'm already receiving. I'm constantly asked to "hold on a sec" while they place beverage orders, ask a question of the meat counter attendant, etc.

These half conversations make it almost seem like calling me back is a chore to be done in conjunction with other errands to lessen the pain. It's doubly annoying because when I initiate a call or receive one from them, off goes the TV and any other distractions; they receive my undivided attention.

I mentioned this to a co-worker who thought I was just being too sensitive, but I don't see it that way. I'm sure no malice or insult is intended, but in my opinion, it's absolutely thoughtless and rude.

What are your thoughts, Miss Manners? Oh, hang on a sec; the microwave's timer is beeping.

GENTLE READER: Indeed. Miss Manners is in total agreement with your handling of the situation.

That you don't want to reciprocate thoughtless behavior is hardly oversensitive or blameworthy. You should continue to call when it is convenient for you, and not to pick up when it isn't. If you are further reprimanded by your callers, recommend that they text-message you any essential information instead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a small-framed female in my mid-30s, working as a professor at a university. Both staff and students sometimes make comments suggesting that I look more like a student than a professor.

I dress professionally, but I still have a "young face." My usual response is along the lines of "Thank you! But I just pulled out many gray hairs this morning." Is there a more dignified response?

GENTLE READER: A weak smile alone would be sufficient. No jokes or excuses are necessary unless you yourself find it amusing.

In this youth-obsessed culture, you must assume that these comments are intended as compliments. In the meantime, Miss Manners assures you that the fact that you hold academic power should be proof enough that you are old enough to do so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do you think it's tacky to have magazines in the guest bathroom? These would be decorator magazines.

GENTLE READER: The subject of the magazine is hardly the point -- although that is not to suggest that context does not make some print offerings more alarming than others. Miss Manners is thinking of a friend who included her pre-med anatomy text on her shelf of cookbooks to see if anyone was paying attention.

Beyond that, she has no objection to bathroom reading material, even though she is too polite to inquire about anything that goes on behind the bathroom door. If pressed, she will admit only to a lack of sufficient space to shelve all her reading material in the library.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I volunteer for, and contribute to, a local charity. At an appreciation luncheon for 20 volunteers at a local restaurant, five volunteers sat at each table, along with a representative of the charity.

As soon as the representative for my table sat down, one of the other women announced that the charity shouldn't spend money buying her lunch and handed the representative $20. The woman next to me, whom I don't know well, immediately reached into her purse and pulled out $20. She turned expectantly to me.

I told her, truthfully, that I had only $3. She laughed, pulled out a $10, and gave the rep $30. I said thank you.

Of course I'll pay her back, but was this correct behavior? No one else from our table gave the rep any money, and a friend of mine at another table said no one at her table gave anything. Were we obligated to offer to pay? Should the rep have accepted the money?

GENTLE READER: As it is the business of charities to collect donations, Miss Manners understands why the representative failed to decline the contribution. And as it is virtuous to contribute to charity, she understands that the volunteer felt she was being generous.

But between them, they managed to undermine the purpose of the occasion and to cause embarrassment to innocent people.

When the appreciation luncheon was proposed, the lady could have spoken out, as a participant in the charity, suggesting that while the gesture was appreciated, perhaps all volunteers would like to pay their own way. Or she could have declined the invitation for herself. Or she could have quietly increased her donation.

What she did instead was to make a show of denying the hosts their generosity and bullying others into doing the same. That is not what Miss Manners would consider a charitable attitude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 58-year-old woman. How do I respond when I am addressed as "sweetie"? I'm sure the speaker is intending to be pleasant, but it sets my teeth on edge. Is there a proper response?

GENTLE READER: "Really? Were we sweethearts? Isn't it funny that I don't remember?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I think it is lovely that people can go on vacations to wonderful and exotic places, but is it appropriate for them to share photos on social media of their luxurious trips?

One or two is fine, but when I see photo after photo of a vacation, I start to get uncomfortable. I was taught that it is not polite to share vacation photos in this way, in the same way that it is improper to talk about an expensive gift.

While the photo-posters may have the best intentions, I cannot help but feel that they are bragging about their ability to take such trips and should consider the feelings of those less fortunate.

GENTLE READER: Well, of course they are bragging. What do you think is the purpose of social media?

However, that need not be the only motivation for posting vacation pictures. People have always thought that others would be as interested in their travels as they are. They are wrong, of course.

Miss Manners considers the new method to be vastly superior to the previous one, in which the travelers would issue an apparently innocent social invitation and then bring out their home movies. The saving grace of social media is that one is not trapped with the perpetrators of boredom, but may safely skip exposure.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A "friend" of 25 years informed me over lunch in a restaurant that my husband of 39 years has been having a long-term affair with his assistant. When I politely told her that this was laughable, she really persisted, smirked, shook her head and called me naive.

There is absolutely no truth to what she said.

Do friends say things like this to friends? She says she was only trying to protect me. Do you believe this, and should I believe it?

Her husband of 30 years asked for a divorce four years ago, and since then she has been very bitter. She's lucky to have some friends who took her under their wings and made excuses for her irrational behavior, but she doesn't seem to be moving on, and the friends are starting to worry about her.

GENTLE READER: If you are asking whether it is an act of friendship to attempt poisoning a friend's marriage, the answer is no. Not even if the would-be poisoner is miserable and wants company.

But Miss Manners gathers that you are not giving up on the friendship, tedious as it has apparently been for the last four years. You only want to squelch the accusation.

In that case, you should not be arguing. As you have already discovered, that sets you up for the trap of being "in denial." Either way, you lose.

It is therefore time to be high-handed instead. "I'm sorry," you must say coldly, "but I cannot allow you to insult my husband."

Repeat as often as necessary.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)