DEAR MISS MANNERS: While my husband, young son and I were dinner guests at a couple's home, the man in the couple -- in front of my husband and his wife -- complimented what I was wearing, saying that it "accentuates the right places."

To be clear, the outfit was not low-cut or revealing. I simply said, "Um ... thanks" and looked uncomfortable because I really didn't find the remark appropriate.

A general "I like that outfit" or "You look nice" would be one thing, but to add that said outfit "accentuates the right places" was another, especially from a married man (and old enough to be my father at that) to another man's wife.

My husband told me later that he thought the compliment was questionable, but at the time, he just let it pass.

The man's wife was obviously not happy with her husband's remark. But instead of saying anything to him about it, she was snippy with me for the rest of the evening and lectured me on my child-rearing.

Should such a situation arise again, what would be the best way to deal with a host who says something mildly inappropriate -- while I would still be a good guest?

GENTLE READER: Considering that the husband was lewd and the wife snippy, Miss Manners doubts that the situation will arise again with this particular couple, whom you can cross off your visiting list.

Should you encounter such a remark again, you could exclaim, "I didn't know that you used to be a tailor!" As soon as he denies this -- and before he has a chance to say that he was referring to your figure -- you should add, "That's too bad. A good tailor is hard to find. Does anyone know one?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do you send an anniversary card to a couple who are separated?

GENTLE READER: What would it say? "Happy anniversary, each in your own way"? "Hope you make it to the next one"?

Miss Manners would consider it more tactful to ignore the occasion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always been under the impression that showers should never be given by immediate relatives of the honoree, lest the family be seen as "grubbing" for gifts. Instead, showers should be given by dear and generous friends.

I know that this notion is often ignored these days, but is it still nonetheless true, or am I just too old-fashioned?

GENTLE READER: Only if you think that dignity is a fashion.

Etiquette rules that have an arbitrary connection to the underlying principle of manners sometimes change. For example, a lady who allows her ankles to be visible is no longer considered lewd.

However, the rule you mention has a direct relationship to the moral imperative against soliciting on behalf of one's family. It will not change, no matter how many people disobey it.

When legitimate changes do occur, you may be sure that Miss Manners will inform you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been friends with a couple for almost 20 years now, and I count them among my closest of peers. They have a 2-year-old child who is an absolute doll, hilarious and cute all the time.

Time has become somewhat of a rarity for us over the past years, and we attempt to have a semi-monthly get-together for a few hours, where we eat, chat and hang out. But now they have begun potty training their son, and while I am over, they will allow him to run around the house wearing only a shirt, and encourage him to bring his potty into the living room with us, and pee or poo when necessary.

I brought up my discomfort with this with them once, but I was firmly rebuked and told that was how it was going to be until his potty training concluded.

While I agree it is their house and their "rules," I confess I am not particularly interested in going over again next week, knowing the situation I will be in. How should I inform them that I won't be coming over, in a way that is both honest but the least offensive possible? Also, am I wrong for feeling uncomfortable in this situation?

GENTLE READER: No, but it is not for you to express this discomfort. Miss Manners need hardly point out that when you shared it the first time, it was not received well and didn't solve the problem.

There are disadvantages to being treated as an intimate member of the family. But the good news is that surely this is a temporary situation. If you feel that you simply can't stand it, wait for a few weeks to see these friends again. And hope that they -- or you -- don't have a child again soon.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper number of times to wipe your mouth while eating a sandwich?

GENTLE READER? As many times as it takes to get the mayonnaise off your nose.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner of 20 years and I have been together so long that getting married, now that it is legal in our state, almost feels like a renewal of vows. As such, we have opted for a small celebration and are avoiding many of the traditional elements that feel either age-inappropriate or wrong at this stage of our life: There will be no church ceremony and elaborate reception with multiple wedding attendants in formal attire.

Because when we met, being gay and getting married was inconceivable, we find ourselves unsure about etiquette. Some of our issues are probably similar to any more established (older) couple being married.

One thing I am unsure about is, must we have a wedding registry? We need nothing, and our wants are specific and expensive. For us, the privilege of being legally married in front of friends and family is truly enough.

GENTLE READER: Congratulations -- not only on your coming marriage, but on your wish to apply taste and sense to that spectacle of self-aggrandizement and extortion that has become the typical American wedding. Miss Manners finds it sad that wedding greed has become so institutionalized that you question whether it is proper not to tell people to buy you things. Be assured that you have no responsibility for ordering presents from your guests.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been an active practicing RN for 37 years, from hospitals to home health. It never fails that at some point, my employer wants me to act like someone I am not.

Granted that I have toned it down substantially over the years, but I have never been a sweet, demure, public relations-type person. I am more of a down-to-earth, tell-it-like-it-is, realistic, logical-type person. I am not going to promise something that I personally cannot deliver, and I am not going to lie to a person just to appease them.

I am not brutal, but I do tend to be blunt if that is the only way to get the message across after softer attempts do not seem to be getting through. I say that people cannot claim they did not understand what I was trying to tell or teach them (whether they accept it or not is not the issue).

How do I get my employer to understand that I think it is unrealistic to expect me to appeal to all the people, all the time?

GENTLE READER: It does not appear to Miss Manners that your problem is making your employer understand your position, but rather convincing him that it is acceptable. This will be easier to do if you are being blunt about insisting that patients take their medication rather than about telling them that you are too busy to bring it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While helping a friend move from one apartment to another, I accidentally dropped a box marked "fragile." It turns out that I broke a decanter that cost more than $500 (most of her belongings are not nearly this expensive).

My friend has asked me to reimburse her for half the price. I appreciate that she's trying to "meet me halfway" by covering half the cost herself, and I feel terrible, but I can't afford to spend $250 right now. I also think that she should have had such an expensive item insured.

I was just trying to help her (at her own request), and now I'm afraid that I'm going to ruin the friendship. Does etiquette dictate that I must pay for all or part of such an expensive item?

GENTLE READER: It is always gracious for guests to offer to replace any property that they damaged -- and for hosts to demur, knowing that a reasonable amount of damage is part of the cost of entertaining.

In this case, you were acting, in effect, as an employee, rather than a guest, even though your reason for doing so was for the sake of friendship, not pay. And breakage is also part of the cost of doing business. That is why employers carry insurance. Had you injured yourself as a result of the work you were asked to do, Miss Manners hopes that your friend would have stepped in to defray any reasonable associated medical costs.

How this will affect your friendship, Miss Manners cannot say. That your friend calculated the cost of her property without allowing for the donation of your labor is not a good sign.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)