DEAR MISS MANNERS: A family member recently arranged to have two DNA swab kits sent directly to my husband and me from a well-known scientific organization. The organization apparently is in the process of conducting a worldwide hereditary study.

We have no association with this organization and have never mentioned any interest in this study to the family member. From online research I did, the kits are quite pricey and also help provide revenue to the organization.

We have no intention of sending our DNA to this organization. These kits came out of the blue, as we haven't exchanged gifts with this person in over 20 years and really have very little contact -- maybe a note or call every few years.

How do we respond to the gift? Do we simply send a note saying we received the packages and thank you for thinking of us and then throw them away?

I would never re-gift this item, nor donate it to a charity for resale, such as one might do with a sweater or fruit bowl. Do we return the gift to the sender with a thank-you note, but point out that we will not use the kits and perhaps someone else she knows would value them? Do we return them to the scientific organization so the charged account can be credited?

GENTLE READER: Just don't leave any fingerprints or stray hairs on that kit when you donate it back to the organization.

And ask for its discretion in not refunding the giver's account. Send your family member a note thanking her and leave it at that.

Miss Manners has to admit that she would relish knowing what this person hoped to find out, but respectfully defers to your lack of interest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to recline in a recliner while entertaining guests in one's home?

My husband leans back in his recliner or sprawls on an easy chair with an ottoman. I find it very rude and unattractive and think a person should sit upright (although I don't object to feet on an ottoman) when conversing with others in a formal or semi-formal setting. I can't help but think that a person would not sit this way in a job interview, although entertaining at home is quite different.

GENTLE READER: Yes it is. In a job interview setting, there is a distinct and necessary gap in status. But there is also a degree of formality, and an interviewer would not properly recline in deference to that. If one did, the interviewee would still not respond in kind because it would show disrespect.

When entertaining, however, a polite host wants to make his guests equally comfortable and shouldn't partake in anything that he can't reasonably offer them (unless it is by medical necessity). If there are not enough recliners for everyone, your husband should not indulge. However, do not blame Miss Manners if your husband comes home with an slouchy couch under the guise of being a better host.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is a kind and yet firm comment that I can say to the person in line after me at the cash register, who invariably comes and stands next to my elbow while I'm using my credit/debit card?

I wish to say, "Back off, lady," or "Would you please get your nose out of my business?" But I simply can't confront people like that, and I know that it would be rude.

GENTLE READER: Take back your card and ask the cashier, "Is there any way we can cancel my transaction so this lady can go ahead of me? She appears to be in a hurry, and perhaps it's important."

Whether your interloper reacts with annoyance or proper embarrassment, Miss Manners assures you she will have taken a step back, during which time you may cancel your request and re-tender your payment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter gets so upset when strangers call her baby girl a boy because she has very little hair. She is dressed in pink girly clothes.

What would be a good response to these people who are oblivious to what she is wearing?

GENTLE READER: Here's one that your daughter will still be able to use (in a pleasant tone, Miss Manners hopes) in future years, when her daughter is wearing jeans and a boyfriend's sweatshirt: "She's a girl."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was hoping for some clarity on how to handle returning phone calls in this age of caller ID. My feeling is when I receive a missed call from an unknown caller, I am under no obligation to return the call if they do not leave a message.

My husband claims that due to the prevalence of caller ID, the missed call and residual phone number are message enough. Of course, if a known family member or friend calls, I will return their call without hesitation. This is really only in regards to unknown phone numbers.

GENTLE READER: Not every missed call is important, particularly in these days of relatively inexpensive long-distance rates and cellular telephones that make accidental calls seemingly on their own.

It is Miss Manners' conclusion that if a caller (even a known caller) does not leave a message, it is reasonable to assume it is because he or she had nothing -- or at least nothing pressing -- to say. Such non-calls may be returned or not at the receiver's pleasure.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a political appointee. At a dinner party recently where I was a guest, one of the other guests asked about a controversial policy issue relevant to my agency.

I attempted to answer factually, but this seemed to inflame the guest further (she had had quite a lot to drink already), and ended with her insisting that I was fabricating information and delivering propaganda. After the event, the other guests told me that they were appalled by her behavior.

What should one do in that circumstance, when the dinner party conversation is overtaken by a belligerent boor who accuses another guest of lying? Should the recipient of the insult have any particular response?

GENTLE READER: You didn't get much help there, did you? Apparently the hosts said nothing, and the guests only sympathized from a safe distance when it was over.

Miss Manners guesses that everyone was afraid to invoke the etiquette rule against discussing politics, religion or sex at social functions (except among people who are known to be in agreement or unfailingly polite). They know that someone is bound to ask witheringly, "Well, what are we supposed to talk about? The weather?"

No. Too controversial. Climate change is only too likely to provoke an emotional argument.

As the host did not say, "This is neither the time nor the place for this discussion," and the other guests did not quickly begin another topic, you should have done so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a college class this past semester, two or three of my classmates complained directly to the instructor about my smelly socks (because in class, I often remove my shoes to feel more relaxed).

While they had every right to file that complaint, should they not have politely asked me first to either sit far away from them or put my shoes on? (I eventually dropped the class for various reasons.) I honestly doubt that I look like a mean or scary guy, and if I react angrily to their polite and reasonable request, they have every right to either call campus police or tell the instructor.

A few years ago, a young woman sitting near me (in a different class) discreetly asked me to wear my shoes; I immediately complied, and sat far away from the rest of that class from that day on -- and heard no more complaints about my socks.

Besides, I haven't heard any similar complaints in my other college classes, and I have completed dozens and dozens of them (most of them were in real, not virtual, classrooms).

GENTLE READER: And what were the lessons to be learned from all this? Miss Manners is afraid that you were not paying attention.

The first lesson is that people find public shoelessness offensive. Not everyone, perhaps, but enough for you to realize that it is not safe to assume that no one will.

The second lesson is that polite people are understandably reluctant to offer criticism. They therefore prefer to complain through those who have the authority to correct the problem.

For extra credit, you might try finding comfortable shoes and washing your socks.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)