DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems that the chefs of the nicer restaurants these days are attempting to outdo themselves (and us) when it comes to the presentation of our food.

While beautiful to admire, it is often impossible to eat. Salads in particular pose a great challenge. I was served a salad wherein entire leaves of bibb lettuce were arranged on a plate to form a bowl of sorts. In the center, three or four cherry tomatoes were diced, along with perhaps one slice of bacon, and then drizzled with blue cheese dressing.

Should I just eat the tomatoes? Cut the lettuce leaves individually in order to eat them also? Take my knife and cut everything into bite-size pieces all at once after an appropriate moment of admiration?

Other foods artfully arranged -- both entrees and side vegetables -- provide similar conundrums. I don't go to restaurants to merely gaze at the food; I would like to eat it and to do so properly.

GENTLE READER: No one -- particularly not a chef -- could fault you for eating the food that is served to you. A moment of admiration is polite, but then Miss Manners permits you to get to work putting the edible artwork into your mouth where it rightfully belongs.

If no salad knife has been provided -- and alas, one never is -- you must use the tools at hand. Cut each piece of food as necessary before eating it and consume whatever appeals to you. Then, if you like, you may artfully arrange your utensils on the plate when you are done.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been in a good relationship with a man for nine years. He has been divorced for 12 years and has three adult children. I get along with his kids for the most part.

His youngest daughter is having a baby soon. I have not been invited to her baby shower for whatever reason, and that's OK with me. I was just wondering what the etiquette is on inviting the father's girlfriend to the daughter's baby shower?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette demands that guests at a social occasion act civilly toward one another. If your gentleman friend's daughter (or more likely ex-wife) felt that this might be unattainable with your presence, then it was probably best not to invite you.

All things being equal, it is gracious -- but not mandatory -- to include the father's longtime partner at a family gathering. However, all things might not be equal in your particular situation, and Miss Manners suspects that someone might well have been doing you a favor with the oversight.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable always to leave the tablecloth on the dining table? My sister says it is not correct and should be taken off right after we are finished eating.

GENTLE READER: Perhaps your sister is thinking of the old custom of removing the tablecloth before dessert. That was a tricky maneuver while everyone was sitting there hoping for sweets, which may account for its being abandoned.

Or perhaps she noticed some food stains that you missed.

If you were leaving your table set for a phantom meal, to display your china and silver, Miss Manners would object. But she has no trouble defining a clean cloth as a runner that overstepped its bounds.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What am I supposed to do when a boss scolds you and yells at you in front of co-workers?

GENTLE READER: If your boss scolds Miss Manners, you should defend her. If he yells at her Gentle Reader, that reader should object in private or, if this is unlikely to alter his behavior, to the human resources department.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While shopping in a small market, I saw a little girl (approximately 4 years old) take a bread roll out of a bin and put it in her mouth. Her mother took the roll away from her child and put it back in the bin.

I said to the woman: "What's wrong with you? Someone will come along and buy the roll that your child had in her mouth. That's disgusting."

The woman looked at me as though I was from outer space, then turned and walked away.

How could I have better handled this situation? I mentioned this to the cashier as I was leaving, and she said it happens all the time. Please Miss Manners, tell me what you would have done.

GENTLE READER: Started shopping somewhere else, with a more fastidious clientele -- although Miss Manners suspects that this behavior is not unique to the market in question.

A direct assault on the mother is both impolite and, as you discovered, ineffective. You could have taken the used roll and handed it to a nearby store employee. The trick is to do this overtly enough that the mother sees it, without being so obvious that she feels called upon to defend herself -- perhaps with a counter-charge of rudeness, or, worse, with the plea that her poor child was starving.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After my first child was born, I had a few weeks of high blood pressure that put me on medication and had me regularly checking my blood pressure. My mother-in-law required regular updates about my numbers, my doctor's appointments and which medications I was put on, which she kept track of in a notebook.

Now, with child No. 2 on the way, I'm concerned about this happening again. A few years older, I'm adamant this time about not sharing this type of information with her, but I do not want to be rude.

How can I let her know, if she asks, that I will not be sharing health information with her this time around? I've told my husband that this cannot happen again, but am worried that he'll have trouble passing on that message.

GENTLE READER: Well, it would be awkward for him to say, "Ma, stop being concerned about Zoe's health. It's none of your business." No matter how annoying the requests for details, it would be churlish to chastise her for worrying about you.

The script Miss Manners suggests for your husband instead is: "We really appreciate your concern. Basically she seems to be doing all right, but dwelling on any tiny ups or downs is making us both anxious. I'll be sure to tell you if there is anything significant, one way or the other."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 62-year-old sister has the habit of pulling a book from her purse in any social outing involving friends, relatives, etc., and reading.

She has done so in the lobby of a theater while our group (which she organized) awaits a dramatic performance. She did so as my husband and I, along with several other family members, were en route to my mother-in-law's funeral via a professionally driven limousine.

I consider her behavior the height of rudeness, ignoring everyone in her presence in favor of a book. And I'm a 66-year-old retired librarian! May I have your opinion on her conduct?

GENTLE READER: Why doesn't she use a telephone to be rude, like everyone else?

Does she believe that books are presumably more elevating, and thus exempt from the rule against ignoring actual people to attend to something you obviously find more interesting? Miss Manners can assure her that no such exception is made.

Or does the lady claim that she has to keep checking the book in case there is an emergency in the plot (as there so often is)?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Growing up, I was blessed to have the good fortune of attending many live performances of different kinds of theater and music. My parents taught me about appropriate behavior for these events, like waiting until the end of a piece to applaud, or bringing cough drops with wrappers that don't crinkle.

They also taught me that standing ovations are reserved for truly exceptional performances (which I have happily participated in on several occasions). For most concerts, I remain in my seat, giving hearty applause in gratitude for the performers' efforts.

What should I do, then, in instances that I don't think warrant standing ovations? I recently went to a business training in which the keynote speaker was given a standing ovation. She was a gifted speaker, but not extraordinary. Everyone in the room leaped to their feet in applause. I noticed I was one of the few people in the room still sitting. I felt like remaining seated was calling attention to myself and was attracting glares from others -- as if my sitting was somehow declaring her training subpar. Thus, I stood too.

I realize that "exceptional" is in the eye of the beholder. I have seen/heard better performances than most people, so perhaps I simply have higher standards. So should I stand with the crowd, regardless of how I feel about a performance, or should I reserve my acclaim for what I find truly noteworthy? And where do children's recitals fall into this?

GENTLE READER: To answer your last question first: They don't. Contrary to human experience, children's recitals and other amateur performances are considered social events because no one attends unless a personal relationship exists with someone involved. Unbridled enthusiasm is therefore expected.

Professional entertainment is in an entirely different category. Unless you are there as a guest (in which case, "Darling, you were marvelous!" is mandatory), you are a paying customer, entitled to an opinion.

Miss Manners would consider that applauding lightly while remaining seated would express the positive, but not thrilled, reaction that you described.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)