DEAR MISS MANNERS: What am I supposed to do when a boss scolds you and yells at you in front of co-workers?

GENTLE READER: If your boss scolds Miss Manners, you should defend her. If he yells at her Gentle Reader, that reader should object in private or, if this is unlikely to alter his behavior, to the human resources department.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While shopping in a small market, I saw a little girl (approximately 4 years old) take a bread roll out of a bin and put it in her mouth. Her mother took the roll away from her child and put it back in the bin.

I said to the woman: "What's wrong with you? Someone will come along and buy the roll that your child had in her mouth. That's disgusting."

The woman looked at me as though I was from outer space, then turned and walked away.

How could I have better handled this situation? I mentioned this to the cashier as I was leaving, and she said it happens all the time. Please Miss Manners, tell me what you would have done.

GENTLE READER: Started shopping somewhere else, with a more fastidious clientele -- although Miss Manners suspects that this behavior is not unique to the market in question.

A direct assault on the mother is both impolite and, as you discovered, ineffective. You could have taken the used roll and handed it to a nearby store employee. The trick is to do this overtly enough that the mother sees it, without being so obvious that she feels called upon to defend herself -- perhaps with a counter-charge of rudeness, or, worse, with the plea that her poor child was starving.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After my first child was born, I had a few weeks of high blood pressure that put me on medication and had me regularly checking my blood pressure. My mother-in-law required regular updates about my numbers, my doctor's appointments and which medications I was put on, which she kept track of in a notebook.

Now, with child No. 2 on the way, I'm concerned about this happening again. A few years older, I'm adamant this time about not sharing this type of information with her, but I do not want to be rude.

How can I let her know, if she asks, that I will not be sharing health information with her this time around? I've told my husband that this cannot happen again, but am worried that he'll have trouble passing on that message.

GENTLE READER: Well, it would be awkward for him to say, "Ma, stop being concerned about Zoe's health. It's none of your business." No matter how annoying the requests for details, it would be churlish to chastise her for worrying about you.

The script Miss Manners suggests for your husband instead is: "We really appreciate your concern. Basically she seems to be doing all right, but dwelling on any tiny ups or downs is making us both anxious. I'll be sure to tell you if there is anything significant, one way or the other."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 62-year-old sister has the habit of pulling a book from her purse in any social outing involving friends, relatives, etc., and reading.

She has done so in the lobby of a theater while our group (which she organized) awaits a dramatic performance. She did so as my husband and I, along with several other family members, were en route to my mother-in-law's funeral via a professionally driven limousine.

I consider her behavior the height of rudeness, ignoring everyone in her presence in favor of a book. And I'm a 66-year-old retired librarian! May I have your opinion on her conduct?

GENTLE READER: Why doesn't she use a telephone to be rude, like everyone else?

Does she believe that books are presumably more elevating, and thus exempt from the rule against ignoring actual people to attend to something you obviously find more interesting? Miss Manners can assure her that no such exception is made.

Or does the lady claim that she has to keep checking the book in case there is an emergency in the plot (as there so often is)?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Growing up, I was blessed to have the good fortune of attending many live performances of different kinds of theater and music. My parents taught me about appropriate behavior for these events, like waiting until the end of a piece to applaud, or bringing cough drops with wrappers that don't crinkle.

They also taught me that standing ovations are reserved for truly exceptional performances (which I have happily participated in on several occasions). For most concerts, I remain in my seat, giving hearty applause in gratitude for the performers' efforts.

What should I do, then, in instances that I don't think warrant standing ovations? I recently went to a business training in which the keynote speaker was given a standing ovation. She was a gifted speaker, but not extraordinary. Everyone in the room leaped to their feet in applause. I noticed I was one of the few people in the room still sitting. I felt like remaining seated was calling attention to myself and was attracting glares from others -- as if my sitting was somehow declaring her training subpar. Thus, I stood too.

I realize that "exceptional" is in the eye of the beholder. I have seen/heard better performances than most people, so perhaps I simply have higher standards. So should I stand with the crowd, regardless of how I feel about a performance, or should I reserve my acclaim for what I find truly noteworthy? And where do children's recitals fall into this?

GENTLE READER: To answer your last question first: They don't. Contrary to human experience, children's recitals and other amateur performances are considered social events because no one attends unless a personal relationship exists with someone involved. Unbridled enthusiasm is therefore expected.

Professional entertainment is in an entirely different category. Unless you are there as a guest (in which case, "Darling, you were marvelous!" is mandatory), you are a paying customer, entitled to an opinion.

Miss Manners would consider that applauding lightly while remaining seated would express the positive, but not thrilled, reaction that you described.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother and I have been debating the difference between a duvet, a duvet cover and a comforter. Our research has shown conflicting definitions. Would you be so kind as to enlighten us and settle this argument once and for all?

GENTLE READER: A duvet is a feather-stuffed quilt without a cover, a duvet cover is a slipcover for the duvet, and a comforter is a duvet with the cover already sewn on.

Got that? This has nothing whatsoever to do with manners, but Miss Manners is nonetheless delighted with herself that she actually knows the answer -- and has someone with whom to share it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the godmother of a lovely girl who will be turning 2. Her mother and I have decided that we want to throw her a nice casual party at a fall festival that includes hay rides, party favors, live music, a decorated gazebo, etc., for a reasonable price that I am happy to cover.

The cost of the party reservation does not include the cost of the entrance fee into the festival, which is $15 per person. Is it the responsibility of the hosts (my friend and me) to front the ticket cost for our guests? Or is it reasonable to ask the guests to take on this payment? I am a single 20-something young woman with limited income and my friend is a single parent. We are just not sure how to go about this with fairness and grace.

GENTLE READER: If the party reservation does not include the entrance fee to any of the festival's enticements, Miss Manners is not surprised that the price is so reasonable. Unfortunately, fairness and grace will not be forefront on your guests' minds if they are invited to a party for which they have to pay (and pay not insignificantly, since presumably no 2-year-old is traveling without parents).

As compromised as you and your friend's financial situations may be, you are making the assumption that your guests' are expendable.

No party invitation should come with an entrance fee (a lesson lost on most adults celebrating birthdays at restaurants by "inviting" guests to pay for their own meals). Miss Manners is afraid that you must find an alternate venue -- perhaps someone's backyard where you could create a similarly festive atmosphere? At 2 years old, the birthday girl and her friends will have just as good of a time -- and their parents will have an even better one for not being charged for the fun.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The mother of a childhood friend is dying of cancer. I no longer live near this friend and have not been in contact with her since high school, but I always get news of the family from my mom, who still lives in the small town where we grew up. I am very sad to hear this news and have very fond memories of this woman.

Is it kind or selfish of me to write a short note to this woman to let her know she matters to me and that my thoughts are with her?

GENTLE READER: How it could be construed as selfish to let someone who is dying know that she is important to you, Miss Manners cannot imagine.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)