DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last week I joined a popular online dating site and went on a first date. He picked me up at my house and took me out to dinner. Unfortunately, from the moment he opened his mouth, I knew we would not be compatible.

I spent the entire evening with a pleasant expression, feigning interest, and counting down until I could go home. He had a good time, and upon following up was shocked to hear that I did not share his feelings.

In retrospect, I felt trapped and helpless on the date and wound up pretending everything was OK.

Is this the appropriate approach, or is it better to be upfront with my feelings and save us both time and the emotional runaround?

GENTLE READER: An activity that used to have the charming and perhaps fanciful name of courtship has become so businesslike that there is a frightening logic to your suggestion.

Yes, announcing, "Sorry; you won't do" at that moment when the gentleman first opened his mouth would have allowed you both to move on to the next candidates. But at what horrifying sacrifice of the decencies of social behavior?

Miss Manners is no advocate of dating services, but even she can recognize that you violated its implicit cautions. You accepted a dinner date with a stranger after -- at most -- a week of the usual preliminaries, such as exchanging emails and eventually arranging a short meeting on neutral territory.

Having made that commitment, however, you were obliged to see it through. At what point do you think you could have bolted? On your doorstep, when he introduced himself? During the soup course? Or the dessert?

The proper dismissal would have been at the end of dinner, when you express regret that you have a full schedule in the foreseeable future.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is proposing tonight. I want to send her flowers tomorrow. What should the card say?

GENTLE READER: "I knew about this before you did, and preapproved you"?

Not a good idea. Miss Manners certainly favors welcoming a bride into the family, but recommends allowing the couple to break the news to you together first.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please tell me the proper way to open a cracker package in a restaurant. I know using your teeth is probably not right, but I don't know the proper alternative.

GENTLE READER: Why is traditional etiquette constantly charged with setting mealtime traps, when all it does is to provide sturdy utensils for consuming food?

And meanwhile, establishments that expect diners to cope with paper and cardboard have people like you assuming that propriety is legitimately involved.

There is no proper way of dealing with trash on a properly set table because it shouldn't be there. Miss Manners realizes that restaurants are required by health laws to present some items in their commercial wrappings, but that prevents them from being models for correct service.

However, she does agree that using your teeth is not an attractive solution. If the designated "tear" part of the packaging doesn't yield, as is so often the case, she recommends attacking it with knife edge or fork prong.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How would one interpret an invitation that states, "This is an adult-oriented event. Chaperoned children are welcome"?

GENTLE READER: "We really don't want children at the party, but if you bring them anyway, they'd better not be loud or break anything."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I take the train to New York City to work and the ride is approximately an hour. Yesterday a man sitting next to me played with a bunch of coins the entire time -- moving them from one hand to the other, making an annoying noise.

Because the train ride is relatively short and I don't feel it's my place to ask others to stop, I said nothing. But if the train ride were, say, two hours, I would have lost my mind if I hadn't asked him to stop. Does the duration of the infraction affect how impolite it would be for me to ask the man to stop?

GENTLE READER: No, only if your mounting irritation might make your reaction uncivil. If you find the noise unbearable, try gently warning the gentleman that especially in New York it's never a good idea to draw attention to one's money. If he's a true New Yorker, he will be so wounded by the insinuation that he is not a native that Miss Manners trusts he will be silenced into submission by the shock.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My younger brother is half-African American. His fair wife is Anglo-Irish. They have three small sons, all blond and blue-eyed.

My brother takes them out on Saturday mornings so his wife can sleep in, and as no good deed goes unpunished, on these outings he is often accosted by strangers demanding to know the parentage of the children and denying they could possibly be his. He is usually quite patient and good-natured, but occasionally the queries become vehemently accusatory, as if he is suspected of abducting the wee laddies and nefariously nannying them in the coffeehouse, grocery store or park.

One never wishes to be rude, and so one turns to Miss Manners, to seek an effective rebuff.

GENTLE READER: If these inquiries are becoming attacks, your brother would be more than justified to say, "I'm sorry, but you are upsetting my children" as he changes seats or hurries the little ones off in another direction. This should make it obvious that it is the accusers, and not he, who is the real threat to his children's well-being.

As a side note, Miss Manners can't help but caution you against the mindset that refers to a fatherly outing as a "good deed." A parent does not baby-sit his own children, but one who thinks he does could well lead others to suspicions of his being a stranger to them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I feel intimidated and insulted (perhaps assaulted) by everyone and their cameras.

Everywhere I go lately, everybody is taking pictures with their cameras and phones. It's a constant barrage, and then, "Look! Look! How do you like this one? HAHAHA! Let's do it again. Oh, now it's my turn." On and on and on.

I am not crazy about having my picture taken to begin with. And now there is the concern about what they are going to do with it. I don't want to end up on someone's social media page.

How can I tell people politely that I feel like they are compromising my privacy and ruining a good time? I feel totally all right with the old practice of a picture or photo from time to time. It is just this barrage of "candid" shots that makes me want to hide out!

GENTLE READER: Reasonable as your point is, it is unlikely to be taken well. Either you will yourself be accused of ruining a good time, or the image of you scowling disapprovingly as you lecture the photographer will turn out to be just the candid snapshot the offender was hoping for.

Better to render the photograph itself uninteresting. Miss Manners recommends a bored smile accompanied by turning away to notice something off in the distance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do the parents do when their daughter gets engaged?

GENTLE READER: Some dance in the streets; others try to lock her in her room.

Miss Manners advises a short rest period following either activity before entering into discussions comparing the couple's idea of a perfect wedding with the parents'.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was saddened to read a newspaper article in which a pregnant lady attempted to get a seat in the subway and failed a number of times, despite seats being reserved for this purpose (and for seniors, people with disabilities, etc.)

This is certainly unfortunate, but I can't help but think that there may be an additional explanation besides just lack of courtesy. After all, there's a competing social norm that prohibits one from inferring a stranger's pregnancy. Imagine the embarrassment of attempting to give up one of the reserved seats to a lady, only to have her tell you she's not pregnant!

Could there be another solution? Perhaps if the pregnant ladies made some obvious gesture such as putting one hand maternally on their belly while trying to catch someone's eye? I think that would make it much easier for the polite among us to give up our seats without fear. However, I don't want to add to, as it were, the burden.

GENTLE READER: As the lady in question may need both hands to hold on in a moving subway car, let us not add to her burden with unnecessary gesturing.

Stand and ask her if she would like your seat. If she does not want or need it, Miss Manners hopes she will politely decline. If she responds rudely ("What makes you think I need it?") you need only re-seat yourself and continue your journey.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)