DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate for one of my friends to text my fiance exclusively with casual conversation? They were not friends prior to our relationship. I'm not asking if it's wrong considering I do not know the situation, but rather I'd like to know if there are any guidelines that deem it appropriate.

GENTLE READER: Are you asking if it is appropriate for your friend to be friends with your fiance? Or are you asking Miss Manners to tell them to stop it?

If your fiance is texting your friend while you are trying to hold a conversation with him, then guidelines would deem this to be rude. Otherwise, you would do well to be happy that everyone is getting along.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a flight attendant for a major airline. As you can imagine, I deal with hundreds of customers each day I am at work. I try to present a polished look, and I feel that after 25 years in the industry, I still have maintained an excellent attitude.

What is really getting me down is when passengers comment on how I look. Nearly every day someone will say to me, "You look tired."

I do not know how to respond -- especially when I am not tired. I do not comment on their looks, so why is it OK for them to comment on mine?

GENTLE READER: Well, it is not, but they mean it to be sympathetic. They are thinking how tired they would be if they had to do your job, and offer this as a way of being sorry they are causing you more work.

But folks, telling people they look tired is really tiresome. Miss Manners begs everyone to cut it out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should I refrain from asking my sisters-in-law, none of whom I'm really close to, not to come to the hospital waiting room to wait with me while my husband, their brother, has a relatively routine surgery? One of them is just nosy.

I'm sure they love their brother, but we never associate with them, and I just don't want the stress of having to make small talk with them. It's awkward, and I don't want to be hurtful -- I just want to be alone to wait.

GENTLE READER: Yes, you should refrain.

As inconvenienced as you might feel, this is their brother, and nosy or not, they have as much claim as you to wait for him at the hospital. Moreover, they've known him longer.

The stress of making small talk with in-laws is called being part of a family. But Miss Manners will allow you this: If the sisters ask if there's anything they can do for you, you may send them out for coffee -- if you do so graciously.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to cut, clean or clip your nails at a table at home or in a restaurant?

GENTLE READER: Only if you are eating alone, with the shades down, at a table no one else will have to use.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I were invited to a friend's dinner party, I replied that I did not think we could arrive in time for dinner, due to a work commitment with a specific end-time, but that we could arrive after dinner if that would be OK.

The host then let me know she was frustrated that I seemed unwilling to accommodate her invitation by hurrying to get ready and getting on the road in order to arrive on time. (The travel time alone would be about 45 minutes, depending on traffic.)

Was I incorrect in replying that way? What would have been the most polite way to reply?

GENTLE READER: An invitation is not an opening bid in a negotiation. You were invited to dinner, and the correct reply was that you are very sorry, but you are unable to attend due to a prior professional engagement.

Only then would you have Miss Manners' permission to add that the conflicting engagement would prevent you from arriving before dessert. This gives your host the opportunity to amend her invitation to an after-dinner arrival, but without requiring her to do so. It would also avoid an unseemly discussion about whether your driving shows sufficient determination.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have been invited to a wedding and do not know the couple. We are unable to attend. Should we still send a gift or money? It is an awkward situation.

GENTLE READER: It is only awkward if you believe that strangers will be devastated to think that you don't care enough about them. Even if you did know them, Miss Manners assures you that good wishes are all you are required to send with your prompt and polite response declining the invitation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: New neighbors, who have yet to move into their new home, have been to the house twice, feeling free to invite themselves into our yard where my children and their friends are playing.

While I am not opposed to allowing their children in our yard, we do enjoy our family time with either just my family and/or our immediate family or close friends. As a corner lot, our home is a gathering point for children, but we feel we are being taken advantage of.

I was offended when I came out of my home after dinner to find several children whom I do not know in my driveway. I feel this has got to get under control before it becomes a habit. While I do not want to offend others, we are obviously closer to some of our neighbors than others. I'm looking for the right words.

GENTLE READER: Return the offending children to their prospective home, and greet the parents with a worried look. "Oh, thank goodness we found you," you should declare breathlessly. "We weren't sure you knew that your children had wandered off."

Repeat as necessary until the parents do what they should have done in the first place, namely, ask. You can then say how much you look forward to your families' getting to know one another in due course.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed that, in professional correspondence, it is common to sign a letter or email with "Yours truly" or "Sincerely yours." These sign-offs have always struck me as oddly intimate, even romantic, so I use "Best regards."

Since those closings are used so commonly, I assume that I am probably misunderstanding the meaning of the phrases. What is the origin of these phrases, and are they to be considered intimate or formal?

GENTLE READER: How odd -- Miss Manners has been noticing the opposite. Even in business correspondence, she is now seeing breezy substitutions for the conventional salutation ("Hi!") and closing ("Best," sometimes with "wishes" or "regards" but more often alone).

In part, this comes from the Faux Friendliness phenomenon: the notion that the only polite attitude is that of friendship, even in situations where friendship does not exist or, in the case of strangers, could not exist.

But it also arises, as in your case, from unfamiliarity with conventional phrases, and the resulting habit of guessing at their meaning.

It is not unreasonable to suppose that declaring oneself "yours" indicates an emotional attachment, but it happens that the opposite is true. "Yours truly" is the most businesslike sign-off, even when "very" is thrown in, and "Sincerely yours" is the formal closing for social correspondence when the writer is not inspired to offer something in the range from "Affectionately yours" to "Love and kisses." Similarly, "Dear" is the conventional salutation, by no means indicating that the correspondent holds that person dear.

These phrases, with variations, go back at least as far as the Renaissance, and seem to have been intended both as reassurance that the writer is who he claims to be and is making honest statements, and as flattery, that timeless way of getting someone's attention.

Miss Manners understands that conventions change over time. It would be startling, nowadays, to receive a letter signed by "Your most humble and obedient servant," although in its time, that suggested neither humility nor obedience nor servitude.

But she regrets seeing the use of widely understood phrases disappearing in favor of individual interpretations. They save so much time, worry, misunderstanding and tedium.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work at a state hospital where we receive lots of prisoners from the state Department of Corrections facilities. For this reason I, as well as other employees and visitors, frequently run into prisoners as they are being escorted to their varying destinations.

It has become a big debate in my office on what is the appropriate way to handle this situation. Do you ignore them as if they were not there, or do you acknowledge their presence with a polite "Hi"? My office is split down the middle and needs your official opinion.

GENTLE READER: It is Miss Manners' understanding that hospitals are dedicated to helping all people, without prioritizing them according to their moral worth. She hopes that you will apply this principle to the way you treat them as human beings. If you customarily greet patients and visitors in the hallways, you should do so to them all.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)