DEAR MISS MANNERS: I felt compelled to apologize to a friend for a careless remark I made at a dinner party because, although it was of a general nature, on reflection I think it might have caused offense. I composed a sincere apology and sent it by email. She replied by saying she didn't recall anything that was offensive and jokingly asked what had I said.

Should I have politely said, "Let's just leave it in the past," and left her wondering? Or am I now worse off for having offered up my stupid statement again, but with fewer words? Our conversation ended amicably, but I am not sure I handled it well.

GENTLE READER: Your friend certainly handled it well, reassuring you to the extent of claiming that she didn't even remember your saying anything that could have been construed as offensive. Even her little joke offered you the opportunity to edit your remark, or to add, "... but what I meant was" and then declare the opposite of what you said.

You missed doing that, but Miss Manners would not have advised you to leave your friend guessing. You wouldn't want to challenge her to find something that can be interpreted as rude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter is in kindergarten and was invited to a friendship party hosted by a classmate at a martial arts school. Should she bring a gift?

GENTLE READER: Yes. The gift of friendship.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 4-year-old is beginning to observe other people when we are out in public and, on occasion, she will ask me about someone who is of a different race, or has their hair dyed pink, a nose ring, a turban, is disabled, very tall, etc.

She's not referring to these people in a derogatory way by any means, but is curious about their differences.

I tell her that people come in all different shapes, shades and sizes, and that's what makes the world so interesting. Or I say, "Yes, she does have pink hair -- isn't that pretty!" and then change the subject.

But sometimes she asks me about someone within hearing distance of that person. Do I need to say anything to these people? Apologizing for my daughter's inquiries doesn't seem exactly right, since my daughter is not doing anything wrong, but is merely doing what curious 4-year-olds do. (I do, however, reprimand her if she points at people.)

What should I do while we trudge through this "Why? Why? Why?" stage?

GENTLE READER: Ah, childhood -- when we begin to master the finer points of tact, acceptance and discretion. And so do our children.

If the child is not directly addressing the person in question, there is no need for you to do so. Simple, respectful explanations -- as you have been giving -- are all that is required, perhaps at a slightly raised volume so that there is no question as to content. Miss Manners assures you that people with "differences" have heard it all, but they -- as well as those around them -- will likely be as interested as your child to hear a sensitive explanation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are expecting our first child, a fact he has shared with his employees at the grocery he manages.

He received a present from an employee moments before he had to let him go (my husband had known for two weeks that he had to terminate his employment but was waiting for him to come back from vacation). My husband accepted the present but feels horrible about it.

Was it OK that he accepted the present? Should we send him a thank-you card as we have sent to everyone else we have received presents from? How should that thank-you card be worded?

GENTLE READER: Your husband feels horrible because he fired someone who was at that moment acting as a friend. His error, however, occurred earlier: It was in allowing, if not encouraging, the fiction that employment relationships and personal friendships are the same.

It is, Miss Manners believes, time for a new office policy barring supervisors from accepting gifts from employees. This will protect employees from feeling pressured to give such gifts, and it will give supervisors -- including your husband -- a graceful way to avoid both the implied obligation and the impossibility of rejecting an act of kindness.

In the meantime, the present on your kitchen counter demands a letter of thanks. As personal and professional relationships are properly kept separate, no reference should be made to the termination.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am invited to a Super Bowl party. The host is providing all the food and drinks, and says, "Just show up." He is from the South and says it's an insult for guests to bring food. Could I bring a gift for him?

GENTLE READER: Could you comply with his wish? You can show your appreciation by showing up, socializing with his other guests (although not to the extent of distracting them from the game) and reciprocating the invitation.

Miss Manners agrees that it is insulting to assume that the host will not properly provide for the guests, who must therefore bring supplies. At a genuine potluck party, there is an organizer, rather than a host, because the host duties are shared by all. This is not such a party.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are holding off on a memorial service for my mother, with a notice of the delay in her obituary, until my two sisters can come home. I have not received any condolences from my place of work yet. I don't really expect much, but an acknowledgment of her passing would have been nice.

Am I reading too much into this, or is it normal not to do anything until the memorial takes place?

GENTLE READER: It is sadly normal for no notice whatever to be taken by employers and professional colleagues of the death of a member of an employee's immediate family -- but this does not make it right.

It would have been right and kind for not only your close colleagues at work, but also your boss, to offer condolences when aware of the death, as well as attending the memorial service. Such duties are exceptions to Miss Manners' rule about separating personal and professional life.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While staying at my boyfriend's family's cabin for a long holiday weekend, we encountered a bit of a generation gap in diet styles. His parents, in their efforts to "treat" us, prepared three meat-and-potatoes-type meals each day, like bacon, pancakes and potatoes for breakfast, and dessert at each meal.

In addition, they asked us again and again to "finish up the last serving," in many cases stuffing us to the point of indigestion. We arrived with some of our own groceries, primarily vegetables, yogurt and fruit, in an attempt to pre-empt some of this, to no avail.

How can we convey our healthier eating preferences without hurting their feelings? My boyfriend and I are both fit and active. His parents, on the other hand, have heart conditions and high cholesterol.

GENTLE READER: That makes it easier. Not on them, of course, but on you.

You should not be dealing with your appetites, but with theirs. Their son must start with an expression of serious concern about their health, and a plea that they at least try to eat more sensibly.

You must stay out of this, only jumping in enthusiastically when he asks that they let the two of you cook for them for a weekend, promising that you will both do your best to make the food enticing.

Miss Manners cautions you not to speak of this as a diet, and not to notice if they are sneaking food on the side. At the very least, you will have had a weekend to your taste, and perhaps even have benefited them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a artist and participate in many art shows. Generally these shows and festivals are on the weekends, open to the public. Often they are set up in tents on city streets and in parks.

Many times at these shows, people will ask if my work is selling. These questions are almost always from people who are not my customers. It usually is, "Are you selling anything? Making any money?" Sometimes it is worse -- people think nothing of asking if I am actually making a living. (I am, thank you.)

I do not ask perfect strangers how much money they make. I want to be polite, but I also want to try to make them understand this is not an appropriate question. We artists are there to exhibit our work, so ask questions about the work, not my private business.

How should I respond to these questions? I have started to say things like, "It's been a nice day."

GENTLE READER: Try, "Yes, I went into it for the money. What I really dreamed of doing, ever since I was a small child, was to become a stockbroker."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it inappropriate to wear a red dress to a wedding? (I'm a guest, not the bride.) Somewhere I heard that it was a statement to say that you opposed the marriage.

GENTLE READER: Really? You heard that etiquette thoughtfully provides a sabotage-the-wedding dress code for disgruntled guests?

Actually, there has been a ban on wedding guests wearing red, but for a reason you will find even more astonishing: It was considered too racy for a wedding. Now that brides want to look racy, Miss Manners considers that a lost cause.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)