DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are expecting our first child, a fact he has shared with his employees at the grocery he manages.

He received a present from an employee moments before he had to let him go (my husband had known for two weeks that he had to terminate his employment but was waiting for him to come back from vacation). My husband accepted the present but feels horrible about it.

Was it OK that he accepted the present? Should we send him a thank-you card as we have sent to everyone else we have received presents from? How should that thank-you card be worded?

GENTLE READER: Your husband feels horrible because he fired someone who was at that moment acting as a friend. His error, however, occurred earlier: It was in allowing, if not encouraging, the fiction that employment relationships and personal friendships are the same.

It is, Miss Manners believes, time for a new office policy barring supervisors from accepting gifts from employees. This will protect employees from feeling pressured to give such gifts, and it will give supervisors -- including your husband -- a graceful way to avoid both the implied obligation and the impossibility of rejecting an act of kindness.

In the meantime, the present on your kitchen counter demands a letter of thanks. As personal and professional relationships are properly kept separate, no reference should be made to the termination.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am invited to a Super Bowl party. The host is providing all the food and drinks, and says, "Just show up." He is from the South and says it's an insult for guests to bring food. Could I bring a gift for him?

GENTLE READER: Could you comply with his wish? You can show your appreciation by showing up, socializing with his other guests (although not to the extent of distracting them from the game) and reciprocating the invitation.

Miss Manners agrees that it is insulting to assume that the host will not properly provide for the guests, who must therefore bring supplies. At a genuine potluck party, there is an organizer, rather than a host, because the host duties are shared by all. This is not such a party.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are holding off on a memorial service for my mother, with a notice of the delay in her obituary, until my two sisters can come home. I have not received any condolences from my place of work yet. I don't really expect much, but an acknowledgment of her passing would have been nice.

Am I reading too much into this, or is it normal not to do anything until the memorial takes place?

GENTLE READER: It is sadly normal for no notice whatever to be taken by employers and professional colleagues of the death of a member of an employee's immediate family -- but this does not make it right.

It would have been right and kind for not only your close colleagues at work, but also your boss, to offer condolences when aware of the death, as well as attending the memorial service. Such duties are exceptions to Miss Manners' rule about separating personal and professional life.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While staying at my boyfriend's family's cabin for a long holiday weekend, we encountered a bit of a generation gap in diet styles. His parents, in their efforts to "treat" us, prepared three meat-and-potatoes-type meals each day, like bacon, pancakes and potatoes for breakfast, and dessert at each meal.

In addition, they asked us again and again to "finish up the last serving," in many cases stuffing us to the point of indigestion. We arrived with some of our own groceries, primarily vegetables, yogurt and fruit, in an attempt to pre-empt some of this, to no avail.

How can we convey our healthier eating preferences without hurting their feelings? My boyfriend and I are both fit and active. His parents, on the other hand, have heart conditions and high cholesterol.

GENTLE READER: That makes it easier. Not on them, of course, but on you.

You should not be dealing with your appetites, but with theirs. Their son must start with an expression of serious concern about their health, and a plea that they at least try to eat more sensibly.

You must stay out of this, only jumping in enthusiastically when he asks that they let the two of you cook for them for a weekend, promising that you will both do your best to make the food enticing.

Miss Manners cautions you not to speak of this as a diet, and not to notice if they are sneaking food on the side. At the very least, you will have had a weekend to your taste, and perhaps even have benefited them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a artist and participate in many art shows. Generally these shows and festivals are on the weekends, open to the public. Often they are set up in tents on city streets and in parks.

Many times at these shows, people will ask if my work is selling. These questions are almost always from people who are not my customers. It usually is, "Are you selling anything? Making any money?" Sometimes it is worse -- people think nothing of asking if I am actually making a living. (I am, thank you.)

I do not ask perfect strangers how much money they make. I want to be polite, but I also want to try to make them understand this is not an appropriate question. We artists are there to exhibit our work, so ask questions about the work, not my private business.

How should I respond to these questions? I have started to say things like, "It's been a nice day."

GENTLE READER: Try, "Yes, I went into it for the money. What I really dreamed of doing, ever since I was a small child, was to become a stockbroker."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it inappropriate to wear a red dress to a wedding? (I'm a guest, not the bride.) Somewhere I heard that it was a statement to say that you opposed the marriage.

GENTLE READER: Really? You heard that etiquette thoughtfully provides a sabotage-the-wedding dress code for disgruntled guests?

Actually, there has been a ban on wedding guests wearing red, but for a reason you will find even more astonishing: It was considered too racy for a wedding. Now that brides want to look racy, Miss Manners considers that a lost cause.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am annoyed by the way my significant other handles my calls. Although he is tethered to his cellphone, I do not expect him to pick up every call; it is the lifeline for his business.

Annoyance one: He will answer the phone but announce, "I can't talk now; I'll call you later" and hang up, leaving me no chance to leave a message. Isn't this why we have voicemail, to handle calls we can't take?

Second annoyance: He never listens to his messages, insisting it is more polite to return the call. I think if I have taken the time to leave a message, and I try to be brief, he could take the time to listen. I don't like to repeat myself, for one, and I may not need to be called back -- the message may be all that is needed to clear a situation.

He believes his way is the most polite, but I don't believe good manners would be so annoying.

GENTLE READER: If Miss Manners recommends texting, will you understand that she by no means condones its butchering of the language? As the electronic equivalent of a Post-it note, it gets the message across without interrupting the receiver.

However, at the risk of starting a domestic dispute, Miss Manners agrees with you. With caller ID, there is no reason not to let the call go to voicemail if you know you cannot take it. Being told it's a bad time to take a call by the person who just answered it is as illogical as it is impolite.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should I loan a small amount of money to a friend?

GENTLE READER: If you are sure that you can, if necessary, spare both.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm at a loss as to how to respond to various inquiries while I'm pregnant. I'm a relatively private person, and so while I'm happy to share personal health and family matters with close friends, I'm caught off guard by acquaintances and co-workers who ask all sorts of questions.

I have resigned myself to the novelty others find in my condition and their desire to talk about it, such that I'll share my due date, that I'll be happy whether the baby is a boy or a girl, and that we're very happy about our future new family member.

The question that is asked most frequently, though, is, "How do you feel?" I usually reply with my usual, "I'm fine, how are you?" as if they had instead asked me, "How are you?"

I swear that I hear a quiet "thud" after my reply, as if they were expecting more. Am I expected to be exuberant at being reminded that I'm pregnant? Should I share how I really am feeling, with reports of itching in unspeakable places and generally feeling enormous?

GENTLE READER: Thank you, no -- although it would likely eliminate further questioning. Your response is perfect. Ignore the ensuing thud (unless of course it is accompanied by the breaking of water, in which case you should probably get yourself to a hospital).

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)