DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a good male friend who I once shared a house with (quite platonically) for six months. He is pleasant company, has provided me with good advice, is extremely considerate and and has helped me run errands on several occasions. I value his friendship and have no wish to offend him.

However, I am now living with my boyfriend, and it is only a matter of time before my good friend's previously charming habit of dropping by unannounced to say hello results in deep embarrassment on all parts.

If he continues to drop by unexpectedly of an evening (with no warning or pattern), inevitably he will one day find my boyfriend and me preoccupied, not sufficiently dressed to receive visitors, or simply in the middle of an argument.

How do I ask this good friend to call me by telephone before coming around, without causing offense or implying that I don't value his friendship? He is extremely shy and proper and would be deeply embarrassed, shocked and offended to accidentally intrude on any private moments between my boyfriend and me.

GENTLE READER: We'll get to that in a moment. First, is he using the house key he had when he lived there?

If so, change the lock without explaining. Should he ask, do not apologize, but say vaguely that it was a matter of security. Above all, do not offer to supply him with a new key.

If that is not the problem, Miss Manners would like to address your habit of opening the door while otherwise preoccupied, insufficiently dressed and in the middle of an argument.

Unless a visitor is there to warn you the building is on fire, or shows signs of being in immediate distress, do not answer the door under such circumstances. You need not be "at home" to visitors as long as you can resist the temptation to peek through the curtains.

When your friend brings it up later, say you are so sorry you missed him. If he were to give you warning next time that he is coming by, you will be sure to listen for the doorbell.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed that during New York Broadway shows, there is an increasing habit by usually wealthy, older patrons to open candy and eat/chew during the show.

These Broadway tickets are not cheap, and I am wondering what to do about this. I have tried the "stare," asking ushers, etc., and still the shows are being treated as $5 movies by the patrons. It is very irritating and greatly detracts from the ambiance. What to do as the next step?

GENTLE READER: Your reference to $5 movies intrigued Miss Manners, who is not sure whether you meant to indicate a remarkably cheap ticket or were dating yourself by remembering a time when such things were common.

In either case, you are not alone either in believing that attendees at more expensive events should have better manners, or in observing that they do not.

However, while Miss Manners sympathizes with your frustration that rudeness, once addressed, is too often repeated, she believes that courtesy should be as common in the cheap seats as in the boxes.

The next step, when complaining to the ushers about the audience doesn't work, is to complain about the ushers to the management.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems as if any time I have contact with a business, they want me to fill out a survey about my experience. This is a trend that really irritates me.

I call my bank to ask which branch I should go to for a particular service, and a week later I get a letter and a two-page survey form to fill out. I place an order with a mail-order catalog and get an email asking me to fill out a survey about my customer experience, followed up (after the order has been delivered) with another email asking how I liked the product.

I can, of course, ignore such requests (and often do), but sometimes that gets me a follow-up letter or email complaining that I haven't responded! Sometimes I get follow-up phone calls! Even Miss Manners probably cannot prevent companies from this practice, but don't they violate some tenet of business etiquette?

GENTLE READER: Yes, they are violating the first rule of business: Don't annoy the customer.

Sadly, Miss Manners realizes that they are doing this with the opposite intention. But if someone, even a friend, followed you around pleading, "Do you like me? Do you really, really like me? How can I make you like me more?" you would be tempted to slap him.

As businesses are aware, the consumer now has ways of voicing dissatisfaction to the world. Heading this off by catching problems immediately, or perhaps by allowing the customer to vent to the point of exhaustion, is good business. But then, so is knowing when to stop.

In addition to ignoring these requests, you should ask not to be contacted except in connection with your order, and you should withhold your telephone number.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Included in the invitation to a wedding my family and I will be attending was a request for everyone over 21 to "give the couple the courtesy" of paying $25 for each adult's "bar package."

As we have children, we declined purchasing a "bar package," since we will not be drinking, then driving. And frankly, money is tight, and I'd rather use the $50 for their wedding present.

I was informed we need to pay this, since the couple chose to have an open bar. Basically, they want an open bar vs. a cash bar (which is an option), but they want their guests to pay for it, drinking or not.

They are close family, so I feel stuck. I've always thought that would be rude, akin to asking guests to pay for their own meal, or charging a fee to attend! Please tell me if I'm correct in thinking this requirement is inappropriate, or if I'm overreacting.

Also, how should I lovingly respond? I'll pay the $50, but my funding can't give that and a nice wedding gift, too, although it would feel so rude to me not to give a nice gift since they are close family. Suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Well, these people are in no position to consider you rude. Yet they are probably rude enough themselves to complain if they feel shortchanged.

Miss Manners is sorry to condemn your close relatives, but of course they are charging you an admission fee.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a freelance writer who has had articles published in several magazines. I just received a mass email (a mass forwarding, I think) from an editor to whom I have sold material on three separate occasions.

This email was a lengthy and nasty criticism of a prominent political candidate, related neither to any work I had done for this editor, nor to the magazine's general publishing mission.

Although I was not entirely unsympathetic with all the political views expressed in the message, there were some I strongly disagreed with; and in any case, I was annoyed that a professional editor would use my being on her email list as an excuse to hit me with something totally irrelevant to our working relationship. (At least I hope it was irrelevant. If this is her way of ferreting out and dropping any regular writers who disagree with her political opinions, I quit!)

Besides, I am long fed up with the "badmouth your opponent" approach that dominates political campaigns.

Rather than risk saying anything that might hurt my own professional reputation, I simply deleted the message without answering it. I wonder, though, if there was any possible way I could have replied that would have tactfully discouraged anything more of this kind?

GENTLE READER: "I'm afraid I must have gotten onto the wrong email list" is a perfectly reasonable response to unwanted emails, particularly mass forwarded ones. Miss Manners notes that you wouldn't mind being dropped by this editor for political differences (which would be highly unethical on her part anyway), so you have little to lose.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I am a guest speaker at a luncheon, is it unprofessional of me to eat any of the food?

GENTLE READER: While you are speaking, yes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a single woman in my late 30s with friends who have preschool and school-age children. Many parents have instructed their children to address me by my first name. I do not feel comfortable with this, as I am friends with the parents and not their children.

May I ask the parents to instruct their children to call me something else, such as Miss Smith or "Auntie" Barbara?

GENTLE READER: More often than not, it is the parents' friends who ask to be called by their first names so as not to "appear old," a clear signal to the children that they are.

Miss Manners assures you that it is just as permissible, and a lot more dignified, to make the opposite request.

One makeshift solution is to use an honorific followed by the first name, such as "Miss Barbara" or "Aunt Barbara," but this may feel odd for those born above the Mason-Dixon line. "Oh, I've always wanted to be called Aunt Laura" would be a sweet way to solve the problem. "Oh, I've always wanted to be called Miss Smith" is a little less so, but would achieve the desired result.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)