DEAR MISS MANNERS: My children occasionally have friends to our home to play, and one of them is exceptionally rude to adults.

When our children behave rudely, we respond with, "Could you make that a polite request, please?" or "That was unacceptable. Please try again." But what do we say to the visiting child who does not belong to us?

My husband doesn't want the child in our home again. I would like to find an acceptable way to handle the situation as the adult in charge. What would you do?

GENTLE READER: If she were the adult in charge of everything, Miss Manners would give misbehaving children The Look and they would instantly shape up. But she recognizes that for anyone else, it is tricky to discipline someone else's child (and never acceptable in front of the parent).

However, your house, your rules. You could give this child's upbringing the benefit of the doubt by saying, "I'm sure that your parents wouldn't allow you to talk to them that way." But if the child assures you that indeed they would, "Well, we don't allow Jackson to, so perhaps you can help us in setting a good example."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who leaves her voicemail box full so you cannot leave messages. I mentioned this to her in a casual way, and her response was, "If it's important, I figure they'll call back."

I think what she's saying is her time is more valuable than others. I find this really annoying. What can I say without totally alienating her?

GENTLE READER: "Call me when you have a moment."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For more than 30 years, I have hosted a holiday party at my home and tried my best to make it as sophisticated and gracious as I know how. We start at the civilized hour of 8 p.m., I stand at the door in formal attire to greet my guests, and I provide a full-service bar and expansive holiday buffet dinner. My guest list includes acquaintances from across the state, as well as many political figures.

Although I have tried to provide a memorable holiday experience, I am sorry to say that only one or two of my closer neighbors have reciprocated with as much as a cup of coffee. Would I be uncouth to trim my guest list to those with whom I share a closer relationship?

GENTLE READER: The unfortunate thing about annual holiday parties is that many guests come to think of them as a sort of public entertainment. It is better than going down to see the New Year's ball drop, they figure, because it comes with free drinks.

Thus they believe that the usual guest obligations -- answering promptly, showing up and reciprocating -- do not apply. Alas, some people behave this way all the time.

Why should you keep entertaining these people? If they were really eager to see you, you would have heard from them during the year. Miss Manners advises such mistreated hosts to skip a year now and then. Or switch holidays. That is the easy way to throw people off. Should anyone be so rude as to complain about not being invited, you can say, "Oh, we're not doing our regular party this year."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I fly frequently on business and, as often as possible, book a seat in the exit row for the additional room needed to work while in flight.

On two recent flights, I boarded the aircraft to find another passenger in my seat who asked if I would "mind changing seats" so a couple or family could sit together. Even though the seats proffered in exchange had less space and inhibited my ability to use the time to its best advantage, I acquiesced on both occasions.

While I am somewhat troubled by their presumption in occupying the seat first and asking later, I am more troubled by my own inability to come up with a polite way to refuse their requests. Can you assist, please?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but you must promise Miss Manners not to amend her answer with excuses about needing to get work done. Surely you do not want to suggest that your work is more important than their family -- at least not to parents who are already frazzled by traveling with children.

The polite way to refuse is to say, "I'm so sorry, but I would prefer to keep my assigned seat." Although the flyer should not have first occupied your seat, it was not impolite to ask you to switch seats. There is also nothing impolite about refusing. It is then up to you to maintain the courage of your convictions while sitting next to a sad-eyed 5-year-old on a six-hour flight.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every December, I sit down with my address book and write holiday greetings to those near and far. I inquire about family members, comment on recent events, share news of my own life, etc. In essence, each card is a short letter.

I am always delighted to receive cards from others, but I am often disappointed with what I receive. Inside a beautiful card, addressed by hand, is often only the following: "Dear (name), Happy Holidays! (Sender name)"

Am I wrong for thinking that sending cards like this is improper? To me, it feels like sending someone a carefully wrapped box without anything inside. But it seems to be in vogue. Am I missing something? Have I misunderstood the tradition?

GENTLE READER: Which tradition? Yours is charming, but a mere greeting, with a real signature, is not improper. It is a bit like saying "Hi" in passing, rather than stopping to chat.

Miss Manners suspects that the annual one-on-one catching-up that you so graciously do will become even more rare. People who have been posting their every move and meal on social media all year don't have that much left to tell.

She urges you to keep alive the traditional concept -- not so much that of reporting on yourself, although you will include that, but of asking after others. That is what has been lost in the epidemic of "sharing."

Perhaps your correspondents will appreciate your interest enough to respond in kind. In any case, you will have shown them that greetings can go beyond "Hi" or the "Like" button.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the years, the gift-giving experience of grandparent to granddaughter has developed into a kind of predictable dance: A grandparent will call us and note that granddaughter's birthday/Christmas is approaching. They will then ask what she wants.

We will decline to answer, stating that a thoughtful gift given from the heart with a personal touch is always appreciated. They will push back, insisting we name an actual gift. We will continue to decline through repeated calls and emails until we finally give in and mention something, anything to get them to stop.

They will ask us to run out and get it, pay for it ourselves (reimbursing us by check at a later date), wrap it, and present it to their granddaughter on the appropriate day, whereupon she will excitedly declare her thanks to Grandma and Grandpa for their thoughtful gift, of which they had no part, except to write a check at some point.

It's hard enough for us to keep coming up with original and thoughtful gift ideas for our daughter, let alone having to maintain a standing library of ideas to feed the grandparents. Not to mention finding the time and budget to do their shopping for them.

As it stands, it's obvious that we have enabled this behavior, as our siblings have managed to stonewall their way into a lifetime of check-in-a-card gifts for their kids.

Have you noted this trend penetrating society? I've seen it in other gift-giving situations, anniversaries or showers, where the gift giver will demand to know the specifics, brand, color, where to buy it, etc., all to avoid having to make a personal decision or effort.

Please note, I'm not offering a complaint about the generosity of any of the grandparents. They are thoughtful and generous in their spending, and it is always appreciated and properly thanked. My parents and my wife's parents are all divorced and remarried, making for a total of four sets of grandparents. All live scattered around the country, with no contact between them, yet this trend has developed nearly simultaneously among all four sets of grandparents.

GENTLE READER: There is no grandparent conspiracy to foist off the shopping, as far as Miss Manners knows. Rather, she suspects that the grandparents are actually reacting against the prevalent debasing of the ancient custom of giving presents.

One such travesty is the gift registry or wish list, by which people select their own presents with the expectation that others will do the shopping and paying. This has gotten their would-be benefactors out of the habit of giving any thought to present-giving, even though showing thoughtfulness, rather than trading shopping lists, is the whole point.

That, in turn, quickly led many people to forgo the farce of shopping for pre-selected items. Instead, they simply pay their relatives, friends, colleagues and acquaintances to buy their own presents, making the custom even more crude and pointless.

It may seem as if this is what the grandparents are doing, using you as an intermediary. But Miss Manners is guessing that they are resisting those trends and want to surprise and please the children with real presents. Otherwise, they could easily send them checks.

The difficulty is that they may not be in a position to observe the children's current interests or to know what they already have, or what you plan to get for them. So what you could provide, instead of a shopping service, is advice:

"Vanessa loves building things. She has regular blocks, but anything unusual, such as museum stores have, would be good. Brian has shocked us all by turning preppy, so he loves sweaters and striped shirts. The twins have just discovered dinosaurs. If you have any doubts about a particular item, just call us."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)