DEAR MISS MANNERS: I fear I have committed an egregious error at a small restaurant that I order from about once or twice a month.

I waited at the counter as the waitress gathered my order, which totaled $16.80. I paid a gentleman, who turned out to be the restaurant owner, $20. I was feeling generous this day, since I noticed that the same waitress works both the tables and the counter. He returned with my change, to which I added an extra $5.

Well, the owner asked if I knew what the correct amount of my order was. I explained that I did. He then proceeded to tell me that I had given too much.

I explained that I was trying to give a tip. He then returned my $5. All this occurred in front of both staff and patrons. I hurriedly took my order and left.

When I reached my car, I found the owner coming down the street after me. Again, he explained that I had given too much and he felt bad taking my money.

I, again, explained myself, now totally embarrassed by the now two public scenes that I was involved in.

I turn to Miss Manners to help me make sense of this situation and how I can better handle it if it occurs again. By the way, I think it will be a very long time before I patronize this restaurant again.

GENTLE READER: Then give Miss Manners the address. She would love to meet a business owner who is too proud to accept a tip.

True, he might have gone about refusing it in a quieter way. And she understands that nowadays, when greed is so rampant that one is more likely to be embarrassed by loud demands for tips, you may not even know that one is not supposed to tip the owner. Many business owners have been trying to suppress this bit of etiquette information.

But it is a shame for you to have to give up a favorite restaurant over this misunderstanding. You could clear it up by returning and telling the owner that you had intended the tip for the hard-working waitress, not for him, but would respect a no-tipping policy if you knew about it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I disagree with my wife regarding not replying for a wedding invitation. She has a friend whom she has known since college, which was 20 years ago. She has told her over the phone that we will be attending her wedding. She also informed her that we already bought plane tickets so we will definitely be attending.

With all of this knowledge, is it rude not to respond to the invitation by not sending in the RSVP, since her friend already knows that we will be attending?

GENTLE READER: Do you have a daughter who might someday marry? Because at that time, when you say, "OK, tell me all the people who have said yes, and who have said no," your wife will understand.

But who knows how many people she will have driven crazy by then. Much rudeness is committed by people who are unable to put themselves in others' places.

If you are unable to convince your wife of the necessity to do her old friend this courtesy, Miss Manners asks you to write the response yourself.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I received three unusual invitations:

In the first, we were invited to a cocktail get-together (not a formal party), where I was told that since I do not drink alcohol, I should bring something for myself to drink.

The second was from a friend who insisted that he and his wife wanted to get together for dinner, but he did not want to have it at his house or at a restaurant. He went on to say he did not care if our house was not in order for a dinner party (construction is going on), but that it would be the best place for us to get together.

The third was from a man I have done outdoor activities with who invited me to lunch, told me he would stop by my house, and we could make something for lunch there.

Miss Manners, I am at a loss as to how I should deal with this or future invitations of this sort. I am not a highly formal kind of person, but it seems beyond even everyday protocol. Can you offer any advice?

GENTLE READER: Run.

Experience has taught Miss Manners not to regard any apparently new rudeness as an aberration. Even before ubiquitous use of the Internet, rude schemes were spreading around the country with amazing speed.

Many such rotten ideas -- expecting guests to supply food or, as in your first case, drink, and even charging them for dinner -- have mocked the ancient and noble practice of offering hospitality. But apparently we hadn't hit bottom until your friends decided that instead of offering minimal hospitality, they would simply help themselves to yours.

Miss Manners hopes that you declined, as you could have by replying, "I'm afraid that won't be convenient," without supplying an excuse, such as the construction work that was brushed aside. And she hopes, although not confidently, that she will not hear of such maneuvers again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Referring to groups that include females as "guys" grates upon my ears, whether the female in a group is a date or one of my many adorable nieces, for whom an attractive, confident young adult woman is a likely role model.

Have I placed the cart before the horse? Am I right to point out that there are females in our group, and that I find referring to us as "guys" objectionable?

My doing so seldom halts the behavior and annoys the nieces, who say that they have gotten the point, but I find it really, really difficult to ignore.

If I complain to management, will I likely get a meaningful response, or has this become too firmly ingrained?

GENTLE READER: Is it in the name of manners that you seek Miss Manners' blessing to embarrass your nieces and report an employee for using a current cliche? And you even know that it is unlikely to be effective.

"You guys," as a way of addressing any strangers, but particularly female ones, is indeed irritating. But making a scene, or lodging a complaint over something so trivial, is a lot worse.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have entered the dating scene again after ... 25 years. So, as you can imagine, texting, emailing, Facebook and eHarmony did not exist my first time around, and I frankly don't know what the expectations of people are today where the "I'm not interested" conversation is concerned.

I am in a situation where I have been in contact (via email, text, phone and in person) with a gentleman for two weeks now, including two real dates. I agreed to a second date to see if his nervousness was the cause of his lack of personality in the first one.

Unfortunately, it wasn't. So I made the decision after that date not to go on any more with him. But as he had left to go out of town the very next day, I was waiting to hear back from him upon his return to have this conversation.

However, (fortunately for me) he has not contacted me for another date.

So should I count my blessings that he evidently didn't want to continue on with me, and forget all of this, or should I still reach out to him to thank him for his interest and for the dates, but say that I don't see a future for us? Can I do that via email? Text?

Obviously, I'd rather not say anything if I don't have to, but having been completely abandoned after weeks of communication with other potential suitors recently, I had wished they had at least reached out to say, "Thanks, but I'm not interested." The reality that they just stopped returning emails or phone calls with no explanation has been very disheartening, and I don't want to do that to anyone else.

GENTLE READER: But you are so pleased that the unsuitable gentleman did that to you. Getting in touch with him for the purpose of saying that you no longer wish to be in touch does not strike Miss Manners as either necessary or kind.

In the non-virtual world, the failure to follow up one or two dates is, in itself, a definitive answer. So is a general statement of being busy. That way, no painful explanations need be made or endured.

But the world of online dating is not characterized by patience or subtlety. It's more like shopping, where you take leave of a salesperson by saying, "Thank you, but I believe I'll look around." The equivalent statement, when you don't want to leave dangling an obviously interested prospect, is, "I've enjoyed meeting you, but I don't think we're really a match."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am seriously disabled, move slowly with the aid of a walker and am often in considerable pain.

What do I say to people who tell me how "lucky" I am to have a handicap parking placard? Saying, "I'd be happy to trade places with you" doesn't seem to work, and "Are you crazy?" seems rude.

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners would be tempted to say, "Well, I wish you luck, too," she would not succumb. However, she might allow herself to say gently, "Well, I hope your luck in getting around is somewhat better than mine."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)