DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother's girlfriend self-diagnoses food allergies and intolerances based on things she reads on the Internet. They change frequently.

When planning a recent cookout, I kept in mind her dislike of ground beef and processed meats by buying chicken in addition to burgers and dogs. The day before the event, she told me that she has a poultry allergy, leaving no option except steak. Buying just one steak for her would be rude, so I ended up defying my budget to buy enough for everybody. When she arrived, she told me that she can't eat the steak unless it's organic because she's afraid of migraines.

Can't I just tell her ahead of time what I'm planning to serve and let her know that she's free to bring something if my menu doesn't suit her? Is there a limit to the trouble that I, as a host, should go through to accommodate my guests' food preferences?

GENTLE READER: Yes: Your brother's girlfriend is the limit. Whoops, no, she passed it long ago.

Kindly hosts now inquire in advance if their prospective guests have food problems, as so many people do, and plan around medical, religious and philosophical restrictions. That doesn't mean catering entirely to any one person, as long as they ensure that everyone can make a safe meal out of what is available and that no one is exposed to anything that might prove lethal.

Hosts are not required to take orders for someone's fuss du jour. Ordering steak in the first place, and then rejecting it, smacks of seeing how far she can go. Let us hope that this lady does not marry into your family.

Generally, Miss Manners is opposed to allowing guests to bring their own food, although she recognizes that it might be necessary for those who have genuinely severe restrictions. It undercuts your hospitality. And this particular guest could well bring something noticeably fancier than what you were serving other guests.

The solution is to take her off your dinner list, with the excuse that her extreme and variable sensitivities make you afraid of inadvertently causing damage. If you must entertain her, you should avoid doing so at mealtimes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I attended a concert with a married couple who are good friends of mine, I kept my money inside my bra, rather than inside my purse, for security reasons. As I was at the concession stand purchasing a couple of beverages, I had to pull my money in and out of my bra. When doing so, I never pulled my breast out or divulged too much breast, but tried to keep my getting money in and out as discreet and low-key as possible, trying not to draw attention to what I was doing.

I normally don't keep money in this private place, but since I was attending a crowded concert, I thought keeping it in my bra would be safest.

Is it appropriate for a woman to keep money in her bra when attending crowded events, such as concerts, football games, etc.?

GENTLE READER: Sure. But not for her to be seen digging around to get it out.

You say you are able to retrieve your money without exposing your breast. But Miss Manners reminds you that others do not know that, and may be mesmerized by seeing where your hand is going. Please do this in the restroom ahead of time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am very much a recycler -- some might say "OCD" about it. I have been known to stop my car and pick up trash by the road to recycle it, or fish cans and bottles out of co-workers' trash cans after they go home.

I have a few relatives and friends who do not recycle at all, even though it is available where they live. It causes me minor distress when I am visiting them and see cans and bottles in the kitchen trash can, and I have often secretly "rescued" these items and taken them to my car to recycle when I get home.

The problem is that sometimes I am caught, and I am embarrassed to be going through their trash. But more important, I do not want to appear high and mighty about recycling, as so many do about many "Earth-friendly" issues -- as I am not (well, not really) judging them. I am just trying to rescue the recyclable items at no inconvenience to them.

I generally simply say, "Oh, I saw these and I'll take them home to recycle," but I still worry that they think I am either an insufferable tree-hugger or just plain odd for going through their trash. How should one handle this situation?

GENTLE READER: Actually, it is not your situation.

Yes, yes, Miss Manners understands that the condition of the Earth affects everyone. She also appreciates that you are trying to be discreet.

But the fact remains that rooting through other people's trash is a violation of the trust they place in you when inviting you into their homes. You wouldn't go through their drawers or closets.

It is no use arguing that trash is no longer wanted and that you are only looking for cans and bottles. Trash reveals a lot about how people live their private lives, and it is a violation of privacy to examine it. It's also creepy.

Why do good intentions so often lead to bad behavior? Deliberately causing embarrassment, through financial pressure or public criticism, are now standard techniques for good causes. You, at least, are trying to avoid embarrassing others, although, as you parenthetically acknowledge, you have not succeeded.

So please do not justify one virtue, recycling, by violating another, namely respecting other people's privacy. You must come to terms with not being able to police others -- although you are most welcome to keep picking up the roadside trash.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What would be an appropriate response when meeting for the first time someone you know you do not really care for? Especially if they say something like, "Nice to meet you," and it really is not nice to meet them? How do you let the point come across without being rude about it?

GENTLE READER: Oddly enough, etiquette has dealt with this problem -- not to cover the churlish situation of disliking someone you have never met, but of reserving judgment about a stranger.

Miss Manners is aware that many people think that "It's nice to meet you" is the polite way of acknowledging an introduction. And in some cases, it may apply -- if, for example, it means, "I've heard so much about you that it is nice to meet you at last."

Otherwise, it is considered to be a bit much. What etiquette prescribes is "How do you do?" which may be rendered less formally as simply "Hello."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to type Rsvp on an invite: R.S.V.P. or Rsvp or RSVP?

GENTLE READER: Would you consider not typing any of them?

It is not only that Miss Manners doesn't think it gracious to type invitations. And while R.s.v.p. is her first choice because it stands for a sentence, the French polite command, "Repondez s'il vous plait," R.S.V.P. will also do.

But it is amazing how often this is disobeyed. Social scofflaws are more common and more brazen than ever. Gentle Readers report that confronting them no longer produces shame, but rather such insultingly dismissive replies as "I haven't decided yet" or "Well, I'll think about it." (The response to that should be, "Well, it must be a busy time for you, so I'm afraid we'll have to do without you" -- followed by permanent exile from your guest list.)

The widespread rudeness of treating an invitation as if it were an unwanted sales pitch is not why Miss Manners is about to propose an alternative to using R.s.v.p. The rude will be rude anyway, and she does not reward them by abolishing the rules they flout. That would be like dealing with a crime wave by deciding that there is no use having a law against robbery if people are going to commit it anyway.

Rather, she keeps hearing from those who are not clear about what it means.

They know it has something to do with replying to the invitations that carry this notation, and indeed, "R.s.v.p." is now used in English as a noun ("We sent in the R.S.V.P."), an adjective ("We ordered RSVP cards") and a verb ("We RSVP'ed").

But what, exactly?

Some Gentle Readers are guessing that it means answering only if you are accepting the invitation, and others that it means the same as that awkward phrase "Regrets only" (which casts the host as assuming that those who decline feel regret, when they may not). A few believe that it requires an answer only if the invitation is to a formal event. And an alarming number believe that it means that you may bring along as many other people as you like.

Then there are those who translate the French term for "please" literally, as "if you please," and therefore claim that they have a choice.

No, they don't. In a better world, no one would have to be urged to answer any invitation (well, perhaps not an "invitation" to buy something), no matter how significant the occasion. If a colleague asks if you want to go for a cup of coffee, do you just stare back and say nothing?

Miss Manners would like to repeat her long-standing plea that we stop using a foreign phrase and put the request in plain English. The traditional wording is "The favor of a reply is requested." As a concession to anyone who can't bear to give up the idea of foreign glamour, she would even overlook using the British spelling, "favour."

But why not use "Please respond"? Is there anyone who doesn't understand that?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Does a person ask to use the homeowner's bathroom, powder room or restroom, when visiting their home?

GENTLE READER: If so, it is a rhetorical question, as hosts would refuse at their own peril. But Miss Manners does not consider it cheeky to assume consent and merely ask where the bathroom is located.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)