DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was going down the stairs into the subway during rush hour behind a woman who was moving excruciatingly slowly. I looked to see if she had a physical problem and noticed that she was texting.

I then asked (very politely), "Would you mind finishing texting at the bottom of the stairs?" I naively expected her to apologize.

Instead, she angrily told me that I had no right to tell her when she could text. I mildly replied that she was right and that I was asking, not telling. She shouted that I was telling -- and then I just walked away.

I know that the woman was rude to me, but was I wrong in asking her to not text on the stairs? It was raining, and I and the many people lined up behind her were all getting wet.

GENTLE READER: Let's leave out your presumed selflessness in protecting others from the rain and your willingness to be patient if the delay had been due to a disability. For all you know, the obstructionist could have been texting emergency instructions to save a life, or herself suffering from a non-obvious disability.

This leaves you with the annoyance of being behind a slow person when you were in a hurry. Please, folks, can't you just state your problems without gift-wrapping them in virtues?

Miss Manners counts three rudenesses here, petty ones to be sure, but the kind that sometimes escalate into urban violence. The first was indeed yours, and Miss Manners gives you credit for apologizing. But it was rude of her to snap at you, and even ruder to shout and reject your apology.

All this could have been avoided if you had addressed your problem, instead of the other person's activity. "Excuse me, may I get by? A lot of us are caught in the rain," is unlikely to have brought on that defensive tirade.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it traditional for the bride to pick the place and time for a wedding?

GENTLE READER: It never used to be. Really.

Miss Manners supposes that you are thinking of an era when a bride's parents had the entire responsibility for giving the wedding, and the bride herself was too young, dependent and inexperienced in entertaining to announce that she would make all the decisions but would allow them to pay all the bills.

They probably took her preferences into consideration, perhaps also on the choice of the bridegroom, but they were in charge.

You may have noticed that things have changed. The bride has grown up, the power has shifted, and -- amazingly enough -- the existence of the bridegroom and his family has been noticed.

Also, the choice of venue has become complicated when the couple, no longer the girl and boy who grew up next door, may be living on their own, away from their respective parents' homes.

Therefore, although everyone does now concede that the two of them (although collectively referred to as "the bride") make the decision, the proper procedure is for them to consult the wishes of their parents and consider the convenience of their guests.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister has been dating a guy for about four months, and I just found out she is eight weeks pregnant. She is 32 years old, which should mean she is an adult and can make her own decisions, but they instantly jumped into a serious relationship.

He has a 4-year-old son who she met less than a month after they began dating, and now the boyfriend and his son stay with her almost all of the time. My parents basically support her -- they make her car payment and pay her school loans.

So I think this is not the best thing to happen. When I express my concern about anything, she becomes angry and defensive right away. So how do I talk to her about this?

GENTLE READER: Just what is the wise counsel that you are offering your sister and she is perversely rejecting?

That people who are expecting a baby have no business entering a serious relationship? That allowing the prospective father to stay at your sister's house will ruin her reputation? That instead of helping her, your parents should be locking her in her room so she doesn't get into trouble?

Naive Miss Manners would have thought that a relationship that produced a pregnancy was already a wee bit serious. But if not, it strikes her as a good time to begin. And apparently they have. Please don't try to put a damper on this.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have my grandmother's silver plate coffee and tea service. There are three pots; one has a warming stand. Besides the sugar bowl, there is another bowl someone told me was the "slop bowl." Please tell me how one makes tea with a set such as this?

GENTLE READER: Charmingly, as you are now equipped to do. (Yes, yes, Miss Manners acknowledges that you might manage to be charming when offering a mug and a tea bag, but that is not a charming way of serving tea.)

The large pot with the warming stand is for hot water, the middle-sized one is for tea leaves in a lesser amount of hot water (both to be rinsed with hot water before filling), and the small pitcher is for milk. The slops (sic) bowl is necessary because fresh tea and the soothing conviviality that it produces keep people coming back for more.

For the first cup, you use the extra-hot water to adjust the strength of the tea to the tea drinker's taste, bearing in mind that the longer the leaves steep, the stronger the teapot's contents will be.

Such are the delights of afternoon tea that tea itself is often neglected, and those who come back for seconds will present you with not-quite-empty cups, at the bottom of which will be a tiny, cold, messy puddle. It may contain a few drenched tea leaves (even though, of course, you strained the tea when you poured that first cup).

That's what goes into the slops bowl before you pour fresh hot tea into the cup: slops.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last week my family and I attended a concert at an outdoor venue -- the kind of place where you dress casually and set up your beach chairs or blankets on a grassy area in front of the stage.

Sitting near us were three young adults on a blanket. They talked through the entire concert, and I could hear their conversation over the music.

I said nothing at first, thinking they would eventually quiet down and listen to the band play. But after about 10 songs, I couldn't take it anymore. I approached the young lady who was the loudest of the group, knelt down so I was face-to-face with her, and said, "I can hear you over the music. Please keep your voice down."

She said yes, I thanked her and returned to my seat. I did not yell or use foul language, nor did I use a nasty tone, though my voice was firm.

At the end of the concert, the young lady came to me and apologized profusely for her behavior. Specifically she said, "While your style of communication could use some improvement, I am truly sorry we ruined your concert experience." This comment was followed by more apologies from her.

I managed to choke out something resembling "apology accepted, no more worries, safe ride home, blah, blah, blah," but in truth I was startled by her comment about my communication style.

Yes, this was a casual outdoor event. We weren't in a concert hall. Some talking and movement were allowed, even acceptable. But it was still a concert. People paid good money to hear a favorite band perform.

What did she expect me to do? I did not yell at her. I said "please" and "thank you." And given that I had to speak over a rock band's performance, I could hardly whisper my request to her.

GENTLE READER: Galling as it may be, requests such as these are properly made in an apologetic manner: "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that we can hear you over the music." The idea is supposed to be that you know that the rudeness was unintentional and are assuming that the offender would wish to know its effect.

Miss Manners did not quite pick up that face-saving approach from your report. She gathers that the young lady was trying to supply that herself, by returning the criticism.

This was not quite nice, but still, she did quiet down and she did apologize. Let's call that problem solved.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a child and young man, I was advised by my late mother that a gentleman should always carry a handkerchief, which I continue to do to this day, in my 60s. A good friend of mine, a distinguished young man in the community, scoffs at such a notion and says no one does that anymore.

I fear he might be right. I often see male dining companions blowing their noses on restaurant napkins and leaving them for restaurant staff to attend. Having waited on tables in my youth, I find this disgusting.

Perhaps you have some kind advice about the use or non-use of handkerchiefs in modern times.

GENTLE READER: Carry them, use them, and leave the napkins alone. Presumably, your young adviser was referring to the use of paper tissues, and not cloth napkins, in place of handkerchiefs. Still, he is less of an authority on modern etiquette than your late mother remains.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)