DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is an appropriate delay between the time one arrives at a friend's home and asking for their WiFi password?

GENTLE READER: It is considered polite to say hello first.

If you are a houseguest, you may ask during orientation -- right after you have been told where the coffee is in case you get up early, and how many times you need to jiggle the handle on the toilet to get it to work.

But if you are there for a meal or other short visit, Miss Manners wonders why you need to know. Oh -- you are expecting an emergency? Then why are you gadding about, instead of preparing for it?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am troubled as to how I can formally "inform" friends of my sister about my upcoming wedding without specifically inviting them to attend the actual ceremony -- just as an FYI, in hopes to receive a gift.

I know that the intent should not be only to receive a gift; however, my sister (who is much older than I) has friends whose children are my age, and my sister has given financially to their children for several years over the course of their lives for other events, such as graduations, school fundraisers, communions, showers, etc.

I, personally, do not have a relationship with my sister's friends, but they know of me and have met me on limited occasions. Is there a "polite" way in which to accomplish an "information only" invitation?

As an added note, the wedding is located out of state, and more than likely most of her friends may not expend the cost to attend.

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, duty requires Miss Manners to inform you that there is such a thing as a wedding announcement, which is sent immediately after the marriage takes place, its purpose being to inform people who may (or in your case may not) be pleased simply to hear of the marriage.

Happily, duty also enables Miss Manners to keep telling people that wedding announcements, and, for that matter, invitations that are declined, do not require sending presents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have to sit through quite a few recitals/concerts/performances of my children and their peers during the school year. Sometimes I will bring something to keep me busy before and, yes, sometimes during these performances (usually a crossword puzzle).

I take great pains to make sure this is done as unobtrusively as possible (no crinkling of papers, etc.). In fact, other than the people directly behind me or on my side, I am quite confident no one even knows I am doing this. Plus, I always make it a point to applaud when appropriate and pay attention to what is happening on the stage. Is this considered rude or not?

GENTLE READER: It is true that etiquette, unlike law, ignores victimless infractions of its rules. If, indeed, no one knows the lengths to which boredom drives you, Miss Manners would not call it rude.

However, she regrets to tell you that the lady sitting next to you is the aunt of the child performing, and the gentleman behind you is the grandfather. She therefore recommends passing the time woolgathering like everyone else.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an African-American woman whom some might call "elderly" but who still has a full-time career. I find, as you observed, that the "line between friendliness and impertinence is getting thinner and thinner."

For example, receptionists, bank tellers, store associates and others whom I have never met seem to believe that it is appropriate to call me by my first name. I do not know when this familiarity became acceptable. But I am old enough to remember when black women in the South -- the area where I was born and lived my formative years -- were never afforded the title Miss, Mrs. and now, I suppose, Ms.

Members of the majority population deemed the title one that conveyed gentility, class origins, purity of race and body -- statuses to which women like my mother and I could not lay claim. (Histories of black women teachers recount the campaign to be called by these titles.) It might be that I still smart from that memory; it might just be that I am old enough to recall when people asked for the privilege of this familiarity.

Often I say to the stranger who reads my name from my credit card or identification, "My name is Ms. -----." However, frequently the addresser does not understand the hint.

So have rules of etiquette changed this markedly? If they have, but I choose to remain old-fashioned, how do I make my request about the term of address known short of an aggressive correction?

GENTLE READER: This is what comes of people thinking they can change etiquette rules without Miss Manners' permission.

The practice of denying titles of respect to African-Americans (and female office workers, household employees, and whoever else was dismissed as inferior or childlike) violated the most basic requirement of manners, which is to show respect for others.

It took an unconscionably long time for people to realize this. But it happened in a period when the bizarre notion prevailed that the pretense of universal friendship would solve the world's problems. The greatest proponents actually urged hugging strangers, formerly known as assault, as a form of philanthropic therapy.

And so when it was recognized that forms of address needed to be equalized, the solution that Miss Manners would have thought obvious -- granting titles of respect to all -- was bypassed. Instead, equality was to mean that nobody would be entitled to that dignity. Under the pseudo-friendship model, people were no longer allowed to choose their own friends.

Well, that's how things changed. But, as you no doubt gather, it is not an authorized change, and you do not have to accept it. You will, of course, be polite, knowing that the offenders are ignorant of the history, but you should be insistent. If the first correction makes no impression, you should say, "Excuse me, but I said I prefer to be addressed as Ms. (surname)."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would you please tell me what is the proper etiquette for inviting someone to a bridal shower if they will not be invited to the wedding? Is that an appropriate thing to do?

GENTLE READER: The proper etiquette is: don't. Miss Manners wonders why anyone would think that someone not close enough to be welcome at the wedding would want to participate in a less important but more intimate gathering.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My longtime boyfriend (we started dating in high school) and I bought a house together in 2009, and soon after decided to become legally married, mostly for financial reasons. He had a well-paying job and I had just started grad school. I assumed we'd have a wedding within the year, and decided not to let anyone know we were legally married.

Fast-forward a few years: I'm done with grad school, starting out in my career, and I recently found out that I'm pregnant.

I don't know how to let people know that I'm legally married years after the fact and that I'm expecting. I still plan to have a wedding, which I see as more of a community gathering, and we've both agreed that we'll do that when the baby is born and a little older.

How do I announce any of this, and what do I announce? Do I wait until after the baby? Before the baby?

GENTLE READER: So the plan is to appear as a bride, either pregnant or with a baby in tow, and announce that you were married several years ago? Good luck with that.

Miss Manners rather doubts that people care enough nowadays to keep track. But if you want to let them know without inspiring chortles, you need only confide, "My husband and I are expecting a baby." And if you want to have a party, throw yourself an anniversary party.

But don't imagine that you can fool Miss Manners into believing that "a wedding" is a community gathering that need not involve anyone actually getting married. She hears often from those who have attended such events, thinking they were being invited to witness a marriage taking place, only to discover that an already-married couple was acting the parts of bride and bridegroom. Those guests have some harsh things to say about the motives for staging this.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My late and very proper Bostonian mother insisted that it is inhospitable to have candlewicks that have not been lighted. As soon as she brought candles into our home, she would light the wicks.

I have taught my daughters this custom and have no idea why a lighted wick is hospitable! Can you shed some light on this, oh wise one? Is this an outdated custom from the Dark Ages?

GENTLE READER: In the Dark Ages, wax was an expensive necessity, and no one would want to waste even the amount it would take to darken the wicks. But in the Age of Enlightenment -- well, actually the Age of Electrical Enlightenment, which came later -- candles were no longer a necessity to see beyond your nose.

They are now used for a special effect. However, to keep a utilitarian object without using it smacks of pretentious display. Miss Manners is pleased to know that she is not the only person left on Earth who goes around singeing her fresh candles.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)