DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was quite taken aback yesterday at our monthly book group meeting when one of the members suggested that I absolutely must sign up for Facebook if I wanted to keep in touch with friends.

She pointedly noted that she knew all about a mutual friend, whose impending trip I was poised to inform her about. It seems she knows all about the trip, the various nephews and nieces, the new grandbaby and so forth -- more about this person than I, who am presumably closer, knew. I felt quite deflated.

I also realized that I had not heard from the speaker herself for some time. Evidently she practices what she preaches and attends only to Facebook, not email, phone or the like.

I am able to use email, the phone, and enjoy Internet searching. Must I also add Facebook?

This book group has known each other for 20 years or more. Most of us are into our 60s and 70s. I understand many enjoy Facebook with their kids and grandkids. But I am among those without grandchildren and have felt no need for Facebook, even to look at other people's grandchildren.

Her comment makes me wonder. Is it now necessary to make oneself available through Facebook? Is it appropriate etiquette to inform someone that you will not acknowledge her if she is not on Facebook?

Frankly, I will not be joining Facebook, but I am disturbed that this seems to mean the end of any contact with this woman, and perhaps others who prefer Facebook contact. Have you any thoughts on this new wrinkle in etiquette?

GENTLE READER: Ah, how quickly a convenience turns into a command.

Apparently there are a great many people whose social circles are so vast that they cannot keep in touch with their friends individually, but must resort to mass postings to meet the demand for ongoing news of their lives. So Miss Manners can understand that it is convenient for them to reach everyone at once. They probably used to have to pack it all into those "Hi, Everybody!" Christmas letters.

She also recognizes that normal people might occasionally need to do so -- for example, issuing medical bulletins when dealing with a crisis and unable to handle the calls of concern. In fact, she is puzzled that people still send out individual paper graduation announcements. (Yes, yes, she can guess why.)

But none of this should be mistaken for being in touch with people. The lady who complained is indeed signing off on the friendship. However, the mutual friend seems to be in touch, even if she has not told you every last detail.

But why do you need to hear every last detail? Miss Manners would think that rather than feeling deflated, you would be relieved to have your friends tell you specifically about what they think will interest you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I use a small dessert spoon for ice cream and a tablespoon/larger spoon for cereal. My husband uses the reverse sizes, and it makes me crazy. Who is correct?

GENTLE READER: Actually, those big oval spoons are dessert and/or cereal spoons, the tiny distinction between them no longer being made. So if Miss Manners may confiscate those little spoons that are meant to stir tea (hint: they're called teaspoons), you would both be right.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette for an individual on the receiving end of a standing ovation?

The case in point was not a performance, but rather a time of recognition for an individual at a board meeting of about 30 people. All participants were seated, while the individual was recognized for lengthy service to the organization. At the end of the spoken recognition, the individual was given a standing ovation.

The recipient of the ovation remained seated while all others present stood and applauded, then, while still seated, thanked the group, at which point the rest of the group sat down.

Should the recipient have stood at some point to acknowledge the ovation, or was it proper to remain seated until the ovation ended and the rest of the group took their seats?

GENTLE READER: The recipient's job is to look bashfully pleased. This can be done from a sitting position, by first raising the head to show a huge smile, and then dropping it to the chin to show humility. (Note: Miss Manners does not advise declaring that one has been humbled by all that honor. Everyone does say that, but no one seems capable of doing so without a smirk.)

Standing up and spreading one's arms while murmuring "Thank you, thank you" can be charming, but it requires some drama to bring it off without looking as if one has won the Triple Crown. For the truly bashful, remaining seated may be the wiser choice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were invited to a neighbor's son's graduation party. These folks have hosted numerous wonderful and generous get-togethers this past year, so I assumed when I RSVP'd saying that we would be attending, that this might be another occasion where each neighbor contributed some food or beverage item. I inquired what I might bring.

The response took me completely off guard, and I was, and am, at a loss for how to politely respond. I was told, "Oh, you needn't bring a dessert. This is a graduation gift shower. As long as you show up with a gift, that will be sufficient."

I am torn. Had I not just said we would be coming, I'd likely have found a graceful way to decline such an offer, but had already given my word. I also think I likely would have spent a comparable amount on a food item to contribute had that been expressed as the desire of the hostess. But somehow, being left with a "gimme" has left me not wanting to give.

I assume I need to go because I already RSVP'd that I would. Is it appropriate to show up without a gift and say something like, "Oh, I assumed you were joking!" when asked for it? Or should I just bite my tongue and obediently show up with said gift but make a note to be more cautious in the future?

GENTLE READER: This is clearly a pay-to-enter occasion. Evidently, your neighbors believe that all their parties are. They apparently counted those dishes, which you thought of as neighborly contributions, as being the price of admission, which they are now waiving as long as you contribute to their son.

Miss Manners agrees that having accepted the invitation, you are stuck. But the next time you invite them and they ask what to bring, say, "No, no, we don't accept contributions; just come."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will be in a conversation with a friend, just the two of us, and she will pick up her tablet computer to search the Internet for some detail related to something one of us just said.

Then she will notice a link to something else of interest, and she never again fully rejoins the conversation. She continues to look at the computer and browse, while also continuing to approximate conversation or sometimes just narrating what she is viewing.

She is an adult, and, as Miss Manners rightly says, one must not attempt to teach manners to anyone but one's own children. Or at least, one must not appear to do so. So how do I gracefully say, "Stop that, or I am leaving"? I don't want to just leave without first giving her a chance to modify her behavior.

GENTLE READER: Ah, yes, a common hazard, unknown to Miss Manners' predecessors.

The seductive part is that disputed or forgotten facts that surface in conversation can now be checked on the spot. This is a decidedly mixed blessing.

The person who was right gets to triumph immediately, rather than resorting to the dismal choice between letting it go and reviving a dead dispute. Yet instant research has a discouraging effect on conversation and an encouraging one on pedants.

Your friend has compounded the problem by veering off into the unfortunately common rudeness of snubbing an actual person in favor of playing with her own toy. You can find something else to do, if you say, "Well, I won't disturb you. We'll talk when you have finished your research." It might even be best to leave before she says, "Oh, I can do both."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My nephew and his wife recently had a baby boy. A baby shower was given to them a few months prior to the birth of their son. Their requested gifts were, I deemed, a little bit extravagant, and about 90 percent of the guests just gave them clothes and other minor items.

Since the birth of the baby, my nephew has been posting pictures on Facebook. He recently added an application for people to give him gifts. When I click on the application, no suggestions are given for gifts for the baby; instead, the suggestions are for gifts for my nephew.

I feel my nephew is taking advantage of friends' and family's potential generosity, as he seems to take any and every opportunity to request gifts. Am I out of touch with today's social norms regarding gift-giving, or is it now completely acceptable to ask friends and family to even pay for a wedding (which he did, much to my shock!)? Please advise.

GENTLE READER: Taking advantage? Your nephew is a panhandler.

Miss Manners is sorry to have to tell you this, but the chief difference between begging on the Internet and begging on the street is that street beggars can't afford computers and actually need assistance.

Her advice is to treat these solicitations as you would any other spurious appeal and find worthier objects for your charity.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)