DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a gentleman in my 20s and work in a very large office building. I am absolutely smitten (!) by a most angelic young lady who also works in the building. We cross paths in the lobby at least weekly and exchange repeated glances and smiles.

Unfortunately, I know nothing about her except that we work for different employers (she rides a different elevator bank), so getting a proper introduction seems impossible. I know from reading your column that a gentleman wouldn't try to pick up a stranger in public, nor would a lady respond to such an overture.

However, in such a situation, isn't it permissible for a lady to "accidentally" drop her handkerchief in the gentleman's direction, he picks it up and offers it back, thus giving these two strangers a legitimate reason to engage in conversation? If so, is there a similar maneuver that a gentleman may use?

Did I mention I am absolutely smitten (!)? I know you don't dispense dating advice, but I would really appreciate your help here.

GENTLE READER: You remind Miss Manners of an Ogden Nash poem about a gentleman who devised a plan for learning the identity of a beautiful stranger, the girl of his dreams, whom he saw on the street.

He reasoned that if he chased her down with his car and ran her over, "gently ... with one wheel, say, certainly with no more than two," he would be able to read her name and address the next day in the newspaper.

And so he did. That day, her address turned out to be Mercy Hospital. And when he presented himself there, it did not go well.

From this we learn: no accidents.

As for dropping things, Miss Manners doubts whether the handkerchief trick would work today. Do any ladies besides herself actually use handkerchiefs nowadays? A crumpled tissue would not have the same effect. And even the lace-edged real thing might inspire a horror of possible disease transmitted to anyone who picked it up.

Ladies are not expected to pick up objects that gentlemen drop, but perhaps if you let your wallet fall, your dream girl might call it to your attention, and you could thank her so profusely as to start a conversation. Or she might hover over it, hoping you would not notice its absence, in which case you would at least know that she is not your dream girl.

Would it be too easy for you to ask around if anyone you know knows her?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it correct to eat off of the gourmet sauce spoon? I have seen this done in Paris but not in the States.

GENTLE READER: You are speaking of the small, flat, notched implement that is part of the individual place setting, Miss Manners trusts. Yes, it is an eating utensil. It is a 20th-century French invention, which never quite caught on among those of us who use the edge of our forks and those who have more direct methods.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is my obligation to provide a selection of beverages at a dinner party? I was brought up to think that a glass of water should be provided at each place. My husband thinks that we are supposed to provide a choice of other options such as iced tea or juice.

This came up last time his parents visited, since he says that his mother doesn't drink water. (Who doesn't drink water??)

GENTLE READER: Your mother-in-law, evidently.

Miss Manners suggests that you check back about that upbringing of yours. Was it really "Water is all they get, no matter what," or was there a small overriding clause about meeting reasonable requests to please your guests?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate response if a professor, to whom one has applied for a summer position, does not notify one promptly that he has filled the position with someone else?

I am a first-year law student; I applied for a research assistantship with a professor for this summer. I interviewed with him. At the interview, he said that he would make his decision soon and reply to me promptly by email.

About a week later, he offered the position to someone else in my class. That person accepted the offer.

I learned of this almost immediately afterward. I wasn't upset by this: I was happy for the fellow that got the job. The next day I expected an email from the professor. And the next. The professor has taught first-year classes many times before; he should know that news travels very quickly.

I received no message till a week later. The professor then sent me an email telling me that he was sorry not to choose me, but, etc. He neither acknowledged nor apologized for not responding promptly. I felt and still feel very insulted.

Am I right to feel insulted? Should I tell him that I feel insulted? In reply to his email, I sent him a note thanking him for his consideration and saying that I thought that his choice of student would be excellent in the job. In an aside, I mentioned that I learned of this the previous week.

Was this note improper? Should I talk to the law school's Office of Career Services and ask them to have a word with him? What should I do besides stew?

GENTLE READER: Look for another job. But not in the etiquette business, where we do not go around scolding people. Even Miss Manners would not dream of doing such a thing; she gives an opinion only when asked.

Granted, it would have been considerate of the professor to tell you his decision in good time so that you could begin making other plans. Unfortunately, many prospective employers do not have the courtesy to respond at all to applicants whom they have seriously considered.

But it is unwise, as well as rude, to enter the job world with the idea that you can reform the senior people in it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Which is proper? To pick up the glass off the table and refill it, or leave it on the table and pour? I have always felt it to be unsanitary for a server who is clearing plates to touch someone's glass without having washed their hands since clearing other guests' dishes.

GENTLE READER: Life is full of risks, and although pouring while the glass is on the table is correct, the server could miss, pour ice water down your neck, and you might catch pneumonia.

Miss Manners has managed to lead a reasonably healthy life without worrying about the statistically insignificant dangers of everyday life, but she is aware that less reckless folks can find health threats in the most apparently innocuous customs.

She has often been told, for example, that leaving one's napkin on one's chair when temporarily absent from a meal has dire results, because other backsides may have previously sat on that chair. How the transfer of germs takes place -- on either end -- baffles her. It would have to be by direct contact, as whatever is in the air would already be doing its dirty work.

Do the diners return and stuff their napkins in their mouths? And that's just the more decorous side of the transfer.

As for the pouring of water -- wouldn't the server have to have his fingers in the glass? If it is only a matter of having touched the glass, what about the person who handled the glass when setting the table?

No doubt there are ways to get sick when coming in contact with almost everything and everybody, but Miss Manners would just as soon not be told about them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Does the man need to lead the woman to the table when dining out?

GENTLE READER: And make her drink? Whoops, no, that was horses. Miss Manners apologizes.

A lady is properly led to a restaurant table by the gentleman accompanying her, unless a restaurant host does so, in which case the gentleman goes last.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend who is married but still uses her middle name rather than her maiden name -- i.e., Eloise Adele Trumball, rather than Eloise Deaver Trumball. She swears she has never heard of this convention and that I must be making it up; her mother also doesn't follow the practice.

I realize I have to let this go; I can't force her to follow conventions she doesn't believe in. I would like to know where the practice comes from, however.

GENTLE READER: Your friend might better ask the origin of using the birth name as a middle name, as her name and her mother's followed the older convention.

The custom was for a lady to change her name upon marriage, not to add on to it. Miss Manners understands the wish of ladies to hold on to their original names as prompting their use as middle names, and often now not changing names at all. Yet the old-fashioned way also deserves respect, and no one should be subject to outside pressure on the choice.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)