DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son's wedding reception will be themed around a politically charged topic on which I hold the opposite view from him. Should good manners preclude having issues, even heartfelt ones, involved in an unrelated celebration to which people of a variety of viewpoints are being invited?

Am I obliged to attend an event in support of my son where my silence may be taken as approval of something I disagree with? How can I tell him that this puts me, and other guests, in an awkward position?

GENTLE READER: You are quite right that the only proper "theme" of a wedding reception is a celebration of the marriage that has just taken place. Considering it an opportunity to enlist guests in a Save the Mosquitoes drive is, indeed, tasteless.

However, refusal to attend your own child's wedding festivities is such a serious public statement, with long-lasting consequences, that Miss Manners supposes you must be violently opposed to his cause.

Is it possible that you only mean to say that your son is marrying a gentleman? In that case, we call it a wedding, not a politically themed rally. Your presence would not constitute a vote for same-sex marriage, but your absence would be an extreme rejection of your son.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm hoping you can provide some guidance for professional waiters who serve disabled guests in high-end bistros.

I work as a waiter in such, and served a family of four that included a mother, father, daughter and a disabled son. All were grown adults, including the disabled son who was physically impaired and unable to talk. He needed help walking and eating.

Each time I went to the table, the disabled son smiled at me and lifted his arms in an attempt to "shake hands." I talked to the son as I would any other guest. I know he could hear me because when I offered him items such as chocolate milk and pasta, he smiled and waved his hands as if to say, "Yes, sir, I would very much like these items."

Yet in the end, his father spoke for him and placed his dinner order. At the end of the meal, the father thanked me for talking to, and not ignoring, his son.

Did I do the right thing? What is the proper etiquette in this situation?

GENTLE READER: The proper etiquette in any situation is to treat human beings with dignity, which is what you did. Sadly, many people do not, which, Miss Manners surmises, is what made the father particularly grateful.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one politely chastise an attendee at a social event who has not RSVPed as requested on the invitation?

Perhaps "chastise" is too strong a word, and I certainly don't want to interrupt my own event with scolding, but this is an increasing problem that I feel should be addressed -- in a polite way, of course.

GENTLE READER: Certainly guests should never be scolded; they should be greeted with enthusiastic hospitality. In this case, Miss Manners suggests exclaiming: "What an unexpected pleasure! When you didn't answer my invitation, I figured it could only be because you were away."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter-law washes sheets and towels every day. We do that washing once a week, primarily to save time and money.

Her rationale is that if hotels do it daily, it must be the proper thing to do. What is proper for guests as well as for your immediate family?

GENTLE READER: Ordinarily, Miss Manners would caution you against learning manners from commercial establishments. Even the best hotels and restaurants operate under different circumstances from private households. She trusts that you don't announce checkout time to your guests, although many hosts wish they could.

Only the most elaborate households, with full-time laundresses, make daily changes. Hotels do, but then, they also change the people who sleep in them more often than you probably do.

However, many hotels have now started asking their guests to let them know if they require that service. It would be unseemly for you to do it in the same fashion, leaving a printed request that your guests help you save the environment, but, if you feel it necessary, you could stick with your once-a-week (or once every new guest) routine and yet say, "There are fresh linens in the hall closet if you want them."

As your daughter-in-law is willing to do the washing, one cannot fault her for indulging her fastidiousness. However, she has no business declaring that it is the proper thing to do.

Miss Manners does not make bed checks.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This has happened twice to us (a married couple), and the last episode has me truly frustrated. We were invited to a potluck-style "celebration of friends and family" and attended, bringing a homemade offering, drink and a custom gift for the hostess.

The event was poorly planned, several hours passed before dinner was announced, and though we politely waited for the guests to attend their children first, we were unable to get into the queue because standing guests crowded around the table while eating. By the time we did find space at the serving table, there were no dishes left.

We decided it best to leave and find dinner at a local restaurant. The hostess complained because we were leaving early. How does one respond?

GENTLE READER: You people don't have sharp elbows, Miss Manners surmises. But surely you could have made your way through by saying with a smile, "Excuse me, please, I'm trying to get a plate."

And you could have gotten out the door by saying how terribly sorry you were to have to tear yourself away, without mentioning why. A pitiful look would have suggested illness, and, after all, it is true that your stomach was bothering you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it improper to drink soup right from the bowl, as opposed to using a spoon? This is a rather controversial question in our house.

GENTLE READER: Then Miss Manners hopes to make everyone happy with the answer.

Yes, it is improper to drink soup from a bowl. However, it is permitted to drink soup from a two-handled soup cup.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a popular televised British period drama, the ladies were shown at a ball accepting cups of punch and drinking them while wearing long evening gloves. The time was about 1925.

Was eating or drinking while wearing gloves proper then, and is it now? And if not, how and when does a lady remove her gloves in order not to make a spectacle of herself? I gather that she does properly wear gloves while dancing.

GENTLE READER: The only place where it seems to be traditional for ladies to eat or drink with gloved hands is in costume dramas. In real life, it was always considered crude, not to mention yucky, but in every period film, television show, play and opera, it is evidently intended to add a touch of what passes for "class." Miss Manners pities the laborers who were taxed with cleaning those gloves afterward.

You are correct that gloves are worn during dancing, but they had to be removed before touching any refreshments. This was a good argument against drinking when dancing.

It would serve Miss Manners right if, after obeying her strict command to remove your gloves, you handed them to her. You might reasonably point out that ball dresses unaccountably lack pockets, and are cunningly constructed so that gloves placed on them when the wearer is seated slip off the lap, thus requiring the wearer's unfortunate dinner partner to crawl under the table to fetch them.

If you cannot cram your gloves into your tiny evening bag, where we hope there is no makeup on the loose, you must hold them with your free hand when eating or drinking while you are standing. At dinner, she suggests surreptitiously sitting on them, but please don't tell anyone she said so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would it be inappropriate to have a wedding reception three years after the wedding?

GENTLE READER: In what possible sense would this be a wedding reception? There is no wedding attached to it, even remotely. Unfortunately, Miss Manners can guess the intent. So, she warns, will your guests.

Couldn't you wait two years and give a party for your fifth anniversary? Or, better yet, go ahead and throw a party now, but make it a party to please your guests, not to honor yourselves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At my father-in-law's recent wake, there was a guest book. I assumed its purpose was to give the family a record of those who attended, but my wife explained that it had the additional purpose of providing the list so that thank-you notes could be sent.

This surprised me. Presumably everyone came to show respect for the deceased, sympathy to the family, or both. My wife and her sisters stood in a receiving line and personally thanked all who attended for their kind words. Is this not enough?

GENTLE READER: Actually, yes. But the amateur etiquette world is divided between those who believe that the bereaved should be excused from writing thanks for anything on the grounds that they have suffered enough, and those who believe, as your wife does, that it is necessary to write thanks to everyone who attended the funeral.

They are both wrong. Attendance at the funeral is done, as you say, out of respect and compassion, and need not require subsequent thanks. But anyone who takes the trouble to write a condolence letter, send flowers, bring food or perform other services deserves to be formally thanked.

Rather than overtaxing the emotional strength of the family, tasks done on behalf of the deceased tend to sustain them. Miss Manners has observed that it is when there is nothing more to be done that the reality of the loss often hits with full force. At that time, it is good to have shown those who care that their care is appreciated.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)