DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter-law washes sheets and towels every day. We do that washing once a week, primarily to save time and money.

Her rationale is that if hotels do it daily, it must be the proper thing to do. What is proper for guests as well as for your immediate family?

GENTLE READER: Ordinarily, Miss Manners would caution you against learning manners from commercial establishments. Even the best hotels and restaurants operate under different circumstances from private households. She trusts that you don't announce checkout time to your guests, although many hosts wish they could.

Only the most elaborate households, with full-time laundresses, make daily changes. Hotels do, but then, they also change the people who sleep in them more often than you probably do.

However, many hotels have now started asking their guests to let them know if they require that service. It would be unseemly for you to do it in the same fashion, leaving a printed request that your guests help you save the environment, but, if you feel it necessary, you could stick with your once-a-week (or once every new guest) routine and yet say, "There are fresh linens in the hall closet if you want them."

As your daughter-in-law is willing to do the washing, one cannot fault her for indulging her fastidiousness. However, she has no business declaring that it is the proper thing to do.

Miss Manners does not make bed checks.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This has happened twice to us (a married couple), and the last episode has me truly frustrated. We were invited to a potluck-style "celebration of friends and family" and attended, bringing a homemade offering, drink and a custom gift for the hostess.

The event was poorly planned, several hours passed before dinner was announced, and though we politely waited for the guests to attend their children first, we were unable to get into the queue because standing guests crowded around the table while eating. By the time we did find space at the serving table, there were no dishes left.

We decided it best to leave and find dinner at a local restaurant. The hostess complained because we were leaving early. How does one respond?

GENTLE READER: You people don't have sharp elbows, Miss Manners surmises. But surely you could have made your way through by saying with a smile, "Excuse me, please, I'm trying to get a plate."

And you could have gotten out the door by saying how terribly sorry you were to have to tear yourself away, without mentioning why. A pitiful look would have suggested illness, and, after all, it is true that your stomach was bothering you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it improper to drink soup right from the bowl, as opposed to using a spoon? This is a rather controversial question in our house.

GENTLE READER: Then Miss Manners hopes to make everyone happy with the answer.

Yes, it is improper to drink soup from a bowl. However, it is permitted to drink soup from a two-handled soup cup.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a popular televised British period drama, the ladies were shown at a ball accepting cups of punch and drinking them while wearing long evening gloves. The time was about 1925.

Was eating or drinking while wearing gloves proper then, and is it now? And if not, how and when does a lady remove her gloves in order not to make a spectacle of herself? I gather that she does properly wear gloves while dancing.

GENTLE READER: The only place where it seems to be traditional for ladies to eat or drink with gloved hands is in costume dramas. In real life, it was always considered crude, not to mention yucky, but in every period film, television show, play and opera, it is evidently intended to add a touch of what passes for "class." Miss Manners pities the laborers who were taxed with cleaning those gloves afterward.

You are correct that gloves are worn during dancing, but they had to be removed before touching any refreshments. This was a good argument against drinking when dancing.

It would serve Miss Manners right if, after obeying her strict command to remove your gloves, you handed them to her. You might reasonably point out that ball dresses unaccountably lack pockets, and are cunningly constructed so that gloves placed on them when the wearer is seated slip off the lap, thus requiring the wearer's unfortunate dinner partner to crawl under the table to fetch them.

If you cannot cram your gloves into your tiny evening bag, where we hope there is no makeup on the loose, you must hold them with your free hand when eating or drinking while you are standing. At dinner, she suggests surreptitiously sitting on them, but please don't tell anyone she said so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would it be inappropriate to have a wedding reception three years after the wedding?

GENTLE READER: In what possible sense would this be a wedding reception? There is no wedding attached to it, even remotely. Unfortunately, Miss Manners can guess the intent. So, she warns, will your guests.

Couldn't you wait two years and give a party for your fifth anniversary? Or, better yet, go ahead and throw a party now, but make it a party to please your guests, not to honor yourselves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At my father-in-law's recent wake, there was a guest book. I assumed its purpose was to give the family a record of those who attended, but my wife explained that it had the additional purpose of providing the list so that thank-you notes could be sent.

This surprised me. Presumably everyone came to show respect for the deceased, sympathy to the family, or both. My wife and her sisters stood in a receiving line and personally thanked all who attended for their kind words. Is this not enough?

GENTLE READER: Actually, yes. But the amateur etiquette world is divided between those who believe that the bereaved should be excused from writing thanks for anything on the grounds that they have suffered enough, and those who believe, as your wife does, that it is necessary to write thanks to everyone who attended the funeral.

They are both wrong. Attendance at the funeral is done, as you say, out of respect and compassion, and need not require subsequent thanks. But anyone who takes the trouble to write a condolence letter, send flowers, bring food or perform other services deserves to be formally thanked.

Rather than overtaxing the emotional strength of the family, tasks done on behalf of the deceased tend to sustain them. Miss Manners has observed that it is when there is nothing more to be done that the reality of the loss often hits with full force. At that time, it is good to have shown those who care that their care is appreciated.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Has there ever been an instance of refused tips from a provider of service? I believe I have one such in captivity!

The pharmacy I use provides optional free delivery of medications. The nice young man who brings my meds refuses my tip, explaining that he has a great job that allows him to drive around and listen to music all day ... and I think he's implying that that's enough of a blessed life for him.

I believe he deserves a tip. My building isn't easy to access, and once he finds a parking space he must walk down a long sidewalk and then take an elevator to the eighth floor.

Not only does he deserve a tip, but I am genuinely appreciative of his assistance. I suppose "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink," as this results in a refusal each time he delivers, every month. Should I just stop offering and swallow my feelings?

GENTLE READER: Your feelings? What about the feelings of the person you want to reward?

It is indeed rare for anyone to refuse a tip nowadays, but historically, pride made the American working class disdain such handouts.

Miss Manners realizes that there are modern working situations in which the opportunity to be tipped is counted as part of the basic pay, which is correspondingly low. This has led to distasteful behavior on both sides of the tip. Trolling for tips, in the form of conspicuous "tip jars" or queries of "Do you want change from that?" is commonplace. And because tips are nominally voluntary, there are people who underpay or even skip them.

But money is not the only way to show appreciation. You could both respect and reward this proud young gentleman by writing an effusive letter about his exemplary service to his employer.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a couple enters a restaurant, is it the man's responsibility to locate the restrooms?

GENTLE READER: If he is in need of one, yes. The lady is not going to scout around for him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I play nickel/dime poker twice a month at our clubhouse with other seniors. One player likes to snap each card with a loud pop as he deals, which is annoying and makes my hearing aid crackle.

He also licks his fingers before he begins each deal and sometimes coughs into his hands before he deals, which is disgusting and unhygienic. Is there a polite way to call this to his attention without making too much of a fuss?

GENTLE READER: Probably not. You could, of course, appeal politely to his good nature. But there are those who believe that dashing poker manners require a bit of flash when not maintaining the poker face, so Miss Manners would suggest blaming your hearing aid when making the request.

It might be better to suggest that snap and spit are marking the cards, so that you recognize the ace of diamonds from its tired corner or wet spot. But then again, it might be safer to turn down your hearing aid and bring hand sanitizer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)