DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a popular televised British period drama, the ladies were shown at a ball accepting cups of punch and drinking them while wearing long evening gloves. The time was about 1925.

Was eating or drinking while wearing gloves proper then, and is it now? And if not, how and when does a lady remove her gloves in order not to make a spectacle of herself? I gather that she does properly wear gloves while dancing.

GENTLE READER: The only place where it seems to be traditional for ladies to eat or drink with gloved hands is in costume dramas. In real life, it was always considered crude, not to mention yucky, but in every period film, television show, play and opera, it is evidently intended to add a touch of what passes for "class." Miss Manners pities the laborers who were taxed with cleaning those gloves afterward.

You are correct that gloves are worn during dancing, but they had to be removed before touching any refreshments. This was a good argument against drinking when dancing.

It would serve Miss Manners right if, after obeying her strict command to remove your gloves, you handed them to her. You might reasonably point out that ball dresses unaccountably lack pockets, and are cunningly constructed so that gloves placed on them when the wearer is seated slip off the lap, thus requiring the wearer's unfortunate dinner partner to crawl under the table to fetch them.

If you cannot cram your gloves into your tiny evening bag, where we hope there is no makeup on the loose, you must hold them with your free hand when eating or drinking while you are standing. At dinner, she suggests surreptitiously sitting on them, but please don't tell anyone she said so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would it be inappropriate to have a wedding reception three years after the wedding?

GENTLE READER: In what possible sense would this be a wedding reception? There is no wedding attached to it, even remotely. Unfortunately, Miss Manners can guess the intent. So, she warns, will your guests.

Couldn't you wait two years and give a party for your fifth anniversary? Or, better yet, go ahead and throw a party now, but make it a party to please your guests, not to honor yourselves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At my father-in-law's recent wake, there was a guest book. I assumed its purpose was to give the family a record of those who attended, but my wife explained that it had the additional purpose of providing the list so that thank-you notes could be sent.

This surprised me. Presumably everyone came to show respect for the deceased, sympathy to the family, or both. My wife and her sisters stood in a receiving line and personally thanked all who attended for their kind words. Is this not enough?

GENTLE READER: Actually, yes. But the amateur etiquette world is divided between those who believe that the bereaved should be excused from writing thanks for anything on the grounds that they have suffered enough, and those who believe, as your wife does, that it is necessary to write thanks to everyone who attended the funeral.

They are both wrong. Attendance at the funeral is done, as you say, out of respect and compassion, and need not require subsequent thanks. But anyone who takes the trouble to write a condolence letter, send flowers, bring food or perform other services deserves to be formally thanked.

Rather than overtaxing the emotional strength of the family, tasks done on behalf of the deceased tend to sustain them. Miss Manners has observed that it is when there is nothing more to be done that the reality of the loss often hits with full force. At that time, it is good to have shown those who care that their care is appreciated.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Has there ever been an instance of refused tips from a provider of service? I believe I have one such in captivity!

The pharmacy I use provides optional free delivery of medications. The nice young man who brings my meds refuses my tip, explaining that he has a great job that allows him to drive around and listen to music all day ... and I think he's implying that that's enough of a blessed life for him.

I believe he deserves a tip. My building isn't easy to access, and once he finds a parking space he must walk down a long sidewalk and then take an elevator to the eighth floor.

Not only does he deserve a tip, but I am genuinely appreciative of his assistance. I suppose "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink," as this results in a refusal each time he delivers, every month. Should I just stop offering and swallow my feelings?

GENTLE READER: Your feelings? What about the feelings of the person you want to reward?

It is indeed rare for anyone to refuse a tip nowadays, but historically, pride made the American working class disdain such handouts.

Miss Manners realizes that there are modern working situations in which the opportunity to be tipped is counted as part of the basic pay, which is correspondingly low. This has led to distasteful behavior on both sides of the tip. Trolling for tips, in the form of conspicuous "tip jars" or queries of "Do you want change from that?" is commonplace. And because tips are nominally voluntary, there are people who underpay or even skip them.

But money is not the only way to show appreciation. You could both respect and reward this proud young gentleman by writing an effusive letter about his exemplary service to his employer.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a couple enters a restaurant, is it the man's responsibility to locate the restrooms?

GENTLE READER: If he is in need of one, yes. The lady is not going to scout around for him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I play nickel/dime poker twice a month at our clubhouse with other seniors. One player likes to snap each card with a loud pop as he deals, which is annoying and makes my hearing aid crackle.

He also licks his fingers before he begins each deal and sometimes coughs into his hands before he deals, which is disgusting and unhygienic. Is there a polite way to call this to his attention without making too much of a fuss?

GENTLE READER: Probably not. You could, of course, appeal politely to his good nature. But there are those who believe that dashing poker manners require a bit of flash when not maintaining the poker face, so Miss Manners would suggest blaming your hearing aid when making the request.

It might be better to suggest that snap and spit are marking the cards, so that you recognize the ace of diamonds from its tired corner or wet spot. But then again, it might be safer to turn down your hearing aid and bring hand sanitizer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it the shape of the sleeves or the fluffiness of the skirt that separates a wedding dress from a princess's or a debutante's?

GENTLE READER: Sleeves? You have seen sleeves on wedding or debutante dresses in the last decade?

Since white strapless dresses became the standard for both debutantes and brides, Miss Manners fails to see any difference between them. Or much charm, for that matter. She at least hopes that young ladies who participate in both rituals do not expect their parents to spring for two such costumes.

A debutante is probably attending a ball (as opposed to the tasteful "small dance" of yesteryear), and so a ball dress is fitting. However, some modesty was expected of an innocent young lady on her first appearance in adult society. Ha.

Proper bridal dresses may be fluffy or not, above and below, but they are supposed to be somewhat subdued as a show of respect for the seriousness of the occasion and, when the ceremony is religious, for a house of worship. Unless they are at least temporarily covered, dresses that start at the top (one hopes) of the bosom make it clear that it is the party, not the ceremony, that the bride considers the most important part of the occasion.

Besides, they make her look naked in those head shots of the couple.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After several months of being confined to hospitals and rehab facilities, I'm confused about proper behavior of patients when there are two strangers living together.

How to keep some sense of privacy? Guests, medical procedures, sleep interruptions can be stressful during an illness.

GENTLE READER: Yes, and you should be entitled to sick leave from etiquette, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. If it did, your roommate would also be free to drive you crazy. Miss Manners imagines that you probably already have a good idea of what that can be like.

The situation requires what might be called compassionate inattentiveness. That means that while you should be alert to any emergency affecting your roommate, you should be oblivious to all conversation, medical or social, that is not directed to you. Any information you overhear should be considered unheard, to the extent of your showing signs of having heard it for the first time if your roommate chooses to repeat it to you later.

As for conversation that is over-directed to you, your own illness can be cited to protect you from unwanted chatter: "I'm so sorry, but I need to rest now."

If the sleep interruptions are from avoidable noise, such as television or telephone calls, you should negotiate politely with your roommate about the proper hours -- preferably in the presence of a hospital authority, such as a nurse, to whom you can, if necessary, confidentially report violations.

Unfortunately, this does not help you with inadvertent noises, such as groans and snoring. Nor does it help you with inconsiderate roommates, which is why people who are able to spring for outrageously priced single rooms do so. The most you can do then is to tell your doctor -- out of earshot of your roommate -- that you are suffering from lack of sleep and hope that another accommodation is available.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)