DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why, upon marriage, were Camilla Parker Bowles and Catherine Middleton styled the Duchess of Cornwall and the Duchess of Cambridge, rather than "Princess Camilla" or "Princess Catherine"?

GENTLE READER: You would have to ask the British queen, who bestowed those titles. The general belief is that the public would have resented a new Princess of Wales after the death of the previous one. And perhaps it would not have been politic to give the latest member of the family a higher title than that lady's stepmother-in-law.

But under no circumstances would they have been "Princess Camilla" or "Princess Catherine." And although the late Princess of Wales was widely referred to as "Princess Diana," that was incorrect; correctly, she was Diana, Princess of Wales.

This is because the British system makes a distinction between birth and marriage as a way of acquiring titles. With the exception of a queen consort, the title precedes the given name only when inherited. Thus, the late Princess of Wales was, before her marriage, Lady Diana, as her father was an earl. But of course that is a title of nobility, not royalty, and a courtesy title at that. Under the primogeniture system, the children of a living noble have only courtesy titles because they are commoners.

Got that? Glad you live in a republic, so you don't have to know these things?

Oh, wait, Miss Manners realizes that you probably do, because you've been watching "Downton Abbey."

The mother in that series, born an American, is Cora, Countess of Grantham, or Cora Crawley, the family surname, or Lady Grantham, but never "Lady Cora." Her daughters, however, all have "Lady" before their first names because their father is an earl. But remember: That is a courtesy title, and they are commoners. So they could, if the series lasts long enough, stand for election to the House of Commons.

No, that is not a spoiler. Miss Manners has no idea what is happening to these characters. She tuned out when she saw them wearing their gloves to dinner in their own house.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We've all been told "it's not polite to stare." But with the recent explosion of tattoos and body art on anybody and everybody, I'm wondering if that's still the case.

Since most of the painted ladies (and men) have put lots of money into their backs, arms, calves, ankles, etc., is it now rude not to stare? If I felt that strongly about something that I would invest money and endure significant pain to display it on my body, I'd feel bad if people didn't spend time examining me closely.

GENTLE READER: Your reasoning troubles Miss Manners. If you had put huge amounts of money and endured great pain to have a hip replacement, would that make it polite for people to stare at that area of your body?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation seven days before a wedding. With it was a request for money to help pay for the honeymoon in Bali. I barely know the person.

GENTLE READER: And you are not moved to want to send the couple on an expensive trip? How can you be so hard-hearted?

Miss Manners can only hope that this is because you have worthier outlets for philanthropy.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've been eating out for more than half a century and can't recall a single occasion when my lap napkin prevented a spill onto my pants. All it ever did was fall on the floor.

From your position of prominence, could you not make a plea for rationality? So many times a napkin could have saved me from getting spaghetti, wine or grease on my shirt front, necktie or suit.

Shouldn't manners make sense instead of being a stupid formality that prevents you from embarrassing yourself? GENTLE READER: Rationality in etiquette? Are you out of your mind?

Well, no, Miss Manners admits that there is some, although not nearly as much as people think. The reasons tend to be invented retroactively to justify long-standing customs. And if etiquette had been arrived at through rational thought, thinking people in all cultures, at all periods of history, would behave alike (presuming they were polite).

What we are really dealing with is folk custom, and eating rituals are among the most basic of them, as any anthropologist can tell you. So it is all the more strange that many Americans, not just you, have not progressed beyond the bib stage. (The napkin is not intended to protect the lap from falling food, but to be available when needed to blot the mouth.) Miss Manners supposes it has to do with the demise of the nightly family meal.

You are suggesting that we give up and admit that we are incapable of getting food into our mouths without getting it all over ourselves. With all due sympathy to your plight, Miss Manners is unwilling to make that concession -- and to lose the company of people whose appetites are adversely affected by looking at your food stains.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who constantly bragged about what a wonderful marriage she had. After 30 years of marriage, her husband ran off with a gal 20 years younger. She, of course, was devastated and we all supported her.

Now it has been three years, and she is in a new relationship. Whenever a group of us are together, all of us married except her, she belittles our marriages and puts down marriage.

We are getting a bit tired of this. We listened and were supportive the first couple of years and put up with the comments due to her grief. Now we want her to stop. How to respond when she does this next time we all see her?

GENTLE READER: Each of you should respond, every time, by saying, "Next time we hope you'll be as lucky as we are."

It is not just because this is a kind thing to say that Miss Manners recommends it. It is also because the rehearsed chorus will alert your friend that there has been talk about her repeated disparagement of marriage, and it is time to stop.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the rule of thumb with men's suit coats that have the maker's cloth tag tacked on the sleeve of a coat? Keep it on or take it off?

GENTLE READER: Is the gentleman merely modeling the suit, with hopes of reselling it? If not, Miss Manners cannot imagine why he would display the manufacturer's name on his sleeve.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am old enough to recall when guests came first. Drop-ins might have been unexpected, but never unwanted or unwelcome. The family made accommodations as if they had been invited -- even if guests got most of the meal or the children of the household ate peanut butter sandwiches.

Nowadays the family's schedule comes first, and drop-ins might not even be invited in for a brief chat and coffee. Calling first does not mean they will be welcome either.

Is this a sign of the rudeness that is so pervasive in society?

GENTLE READER: At first, Miss Manners thought you must have meant to write that you recalled when guests "called" first. It seemed unlikely that you would be old enough to predate the telephone, the invention that made asking-before-appearing possible.

Certainly, people should show great consideration for their guests. But guests are also obliged to show consideration. Popping up unexpectedly and eating the children's dinner does not meet that standard.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For meetings, I periodically place a to-go order with a local restaurant for 10 to 20 people. The owner of the restaurant asked for a tip.

Is this standard practice? I have not tipped for carry-out unless delivered.

GENTLE READER: It is not the custom to insult the owner of a business by offering him a tip. Unfortunately, Miss Manners understands that it has indeed become a frequent practice of owners to request being insulted.

As with other requests for handouts, one need not comply. If you feel an explanation is necessary, you could say, "Of course I tip employees, who make so little, but aren't you the owner?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The other day I ran into an acquaintance, the mother of one of my daughter's former classmates. We exchanged pleasantries and I asked what was new with her daughter. She then went on for several minutes, telling me about her daughter's difficult mental health problems.

I tried to respond positively and supportively, saying something about, "How difficult, but I'm glad she's doing so much better." Then she asked me about my daughter, who is doing extremely well.

Miss Manners, how should one respond in this situation? Do I downplay my daughter's success and happiness? Am I expected to share some unpleasant aspect of my daughter's life so as not to sound as if I am bragging, or make this woman feel worse about her own situation? Or do I just state the facts -- where my daughter lives, what she does, marital status -- without editorial comments, as I wish she had, without burdening me with the tale of her daughter's unhappy circumstances.

GENTLE READER: You say you would not have whined, but Miss Manners hopes that you also would not have bragged even if the other mother had done so. So yes, just give whatever straightforward news of your daughter that you would have given anyway.

The important thing to remember is that the daughters are not rivals but presumably friends, or at least acquaintances who would show some concern about each other. Therefore, it is not just your own sympathy you should convey, but the statement that you know that your daughter, too, will be concerned to hear of her former classmate's troubles and will wish her well.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)