DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one politely get guests to not bring food to a party?

My husband and I give a Super Bowl party every year that is attended by perhaps 30 people. We provide plenty of food, including an array of cold and hot appetizers, a buffet dinner and desserts. I am generally acknowledged to be a good cook.

But many (even most) guests insist on bringing food, even though I've asked them not to. It started with a couple of people bringing an appetizer or dessert, and then others saw them and felt bad that they hadn't brought something, and so brought something the next year. It just mushroomed.

When I'm asked what food a guest should bring, I always say to please not bring any food, but then I'm told that since others will bring food, of course this guest wants to, too.

Several years ago, I included a statement on the invitations that read, "Please do not bring food to the party. We are happy to provide plenty of snacks and a buffet dinner." I knew etiquette said I shouldn't make the statement, but I didn't know what else to do.

This mostly worked, except for a couple of people who ignored my request, stating that they had to bring something, that was how they were raised -- they couldn't come to a party empty-handed. Then, of course, others saw that some had brought food and brought food themselves the next year -- and back it grew.

I have heard that the proper way to handle this is to take the plate of food, thank the giver, and then simply not serve it at the party. This has proved impossible to do -- by the nature of the party everyone pretty much arrives at the same time. While my husband and I are busy greeting new arrivals and taking their coats and getting them drinks, some earlier arrivals are digging the food they brought out of their carryalls and helpfully placing it on the buffet table.

It hardly seems polite to remove food from the buffet table after it's been put there and some guests have helped themselves to it, and I don't feel I can allow the food from some guests to be served and not that brought by others.

My husband says I should go with the flow and just plan that guests will bring food. I really don't want to do this -- planning and preparing the menu for the party is something I enjoy very much.

Do I need to gracefully accept the food brought by others and just put up with it, or is there something I can do to put an end to this? I know this makes me seem really ungrateful, but I do resent that I'm not allowed to plan and execute the party the way I'd like it to be.

GENTLE READER: This has become a major problem for good hosts, with the encouragement of bad hosts who demand that their guests bring food.

Miss Manners can offer only a small ploy to help you. That is to use a smaller buffet table, on which there is no room for visiting platters, and to leave an empty space for them in the kitchen. Then you can direct your stubborn guests there, saying, "Thank you -- that will come in handy if people are still hungry after dinner."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you do when friends, co-workers, employees and neighbors insist on your hugging their children? Especially when you don't know said children, and they don't want to hug you, any more than you want to hug them. It's usually a thank-you for a donation to whatever group they are participating in.

GENTLE READER: Here is another contribution you can make to such a child: Say directly to him or her, "Why don't we shake hands instead?"

Miss Manners counts this as a double contribution. You not only spare the two of you a misapplied gesture, but you also teach the child of huggy parents that civilized people have a dignified way of expressing good will.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We sent a baby gift to new parents. They have not responded, but that may be my fault. I failed to enclose a card before my husband mailed it from his business address.

Is it rude if I ask if the gift was received? I certainly would let the parents know that I was remiss in not including a card. These parents are family members to whom we are close.

GENTLE READER: You have created the polite person's nightmare. Miss Manners, who is condemned to keep scolding those who don't thank, despairs when she finds innocent people classed among them. Yet many a time she has heard from the recipient of a present who is helpless because the giver is unknown.

Forgetting to enclose a card, as you did, doesn't often happen. What commonly causes the problem is the card that is tucked into the ribbons on a package left at a wedding or other mass event. It slips out. Later, the would-be thanker tries to think who might have left it, but is prevented from asking around because it would be a serious embarrassment to anyone who did not leave a present.

You have only to write a letter of apology to the new parents, wishing them well and confessing your error. However, those other folks who cause such problems have got to learn that it is wrong to bring presents to a wedding (they should be sent to the home, before or after the wedding), and if they do it anyway, or bring presents to another event, to put the card inside the package.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it impolite to text on a cellphone while you are having dinner with someone? My daughter says it is appropriate, but I find it completely rude. What is your opinion?

GENTLE READER: Of course it is impolite. Using anything -- electronic or not -- to ignore one's fellow diners is rude.

But Miss Manners sees a worse problem here, in that you seem to believe that etiquette is a matter of opinion, and that everyone has an equal say about what it should be.

Wrong. Your daughter should listen to you, and you should listen to Miss Manners, who is not stating her opinion, but making a pronouncement.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to announce via social networking your acceptance to a (highly competitive) college? How can I tell people my accomplishments while still being humble?

GENTLE READER: A good lesson to learn now. Why wait until you get to Highly Competitive U., where everyone is as qualified as you (or whose parents donated a building), to understand how unpleasant bragging is?

But wait. Miss Manners isn't trying to squelch you. On the contrary, she congratulates you and will offer you a brief course in humble bragging.

Jumping up and down, literally or figuratively, should be done only in the privacy of your home. To everyone but your parents, it would look like gloating.

So don't make an announcement on your social network. Instead, work it in with something mundane. "I'll be working at Yogurt 'n' You this summer -- stop by and say hello -- before going off to Highly Competitive in August," you could post.

(Note: If you're going to Europe this summer, you'll have to find something else.)

Do not, repeat not, go around asking your classmates where they are going. If they ask you, you can admit to it, but add something mildly self-deprecating, such as, "I sure hope they don't find out they made a mistake."

Perhaps you think that's far-fetched. Miss Manners once witnessed freshman orientation at such a college, where the dean, to be funny, said: "One of you shouldn't be here. I'm sorry, but your letter of acceptance was sent by mistake. Please see me afterward. You know who you are."

There was a dreadful silence where the laughter should have been. It appeared as if half the class would have to be carried out on stretchers.

As we know, humility is fleeting. But the appearance of it, which the world appreciates as modesty, can be maintained. That is the secret to humble bragging: People are infinitely more impressed by discovering for themselves the achievements of others than they are by being told them by the achiever.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend ordered her boyfriend a pizza for his birthday and had it delivered to his office. But he had left for an off-site meeting, so his co-workers notified him and he offered them to have a slice.

Do you think this was rude for them to take a piece, even if offered, before the boyfriend got any of it?

GENTLE READER: What did your friend think would happen to a pizza sent to an office? That the gentleman would devour it at his desk, while his slavering colleagues envied his having such a generous and thoughtful lady in his life?

And if he were away when it arrived, would she believe that the pizza should have sat on his desk, first emitting aromas and then turning cold, so it could thrill him upon his return?

Miss Manners notices that you are careful not to blame him for what you imagine is a transgression of manners, and indeed, his offer was a graceful one. There was nothing wrong with others accepting this offer. The error was in sending the pizza to the office.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)