DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I enjoy meeting new people, friends of friends and fellow attendees at various events. We are easygoing, genuinely interested in others and adventurous, so we receive many invitations to treks and events that we cannot attend, which we politely decline.

Usually, people get the picture pretty quickly and they turn into solid acquaintances whom we have great, albeit thin, relationships with. This is a good problem to have, and we feel good about these relationships.

However, this has put off a few of these acquaintances, once in a public and pointed diatribe about how we are terrible friends. I know this friend is not wrong, but clearly didn't see our relationship the same way we did.

How do we set the expectations so that these dear people know we value them and like to run into them/meet up at events of common interest, but can't possibly nurture a friendship with them?

As an event or gathering winds up, there are always conversations about repeating the adventure, or at least hanging out again soon. I don't want to end on a sour note by declining friendships or dismissing the very real connections that have been made, but am at a loss for what to say to not build up the expectation that we should immediately pursue a deep friendship.

I feel that Facebook has exacerbated the problem. We don't run a big-tent social life, inviting everyone to everything (we tried it a while back and it became unmanageable, as our friends barely got along and we weren't able to have the deep friendships we need), so I get the feeling that when pictures of a dinner out or a camping weekend are posted, it appears that we are ignoring acquaintances.

Note that we don't expect them to be perfect friends, we don't make demands of acquaintances, and when any of them hit hard times we are there to help with moves, breakups and other important steps in their lives. If they ask if we can do something, we are clear with a yes or a no.

We feel great about the best friends we have (a dozen or so) and nurture them through nearly daily conversations and frequent adventures together. There are plenty of great models for friendships, but too few about how to be a good acquaintance.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, Facebook has done huge damage to the etiquette rule against flaunting social events in sight of people who were not invited.

Especially as your events are small, couldn't you send the pictures only to the participants? Do you really need to tell the rest of the world what a good time you are having?

It is not that Miss Manners disagrees with your distinction between close friends and acquaintances. You would be vastly overextended if you did not set limitations. The polite way to do so is to say: "We seem to be ridiculously overcommitted these days, but do let's keep in touch. We always enjoy running in to you."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can my 15-year-old granddaughter wear a short cocktail dress to a black-tie wedding?

GENTLE READER: Can you stop her?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm getting married soon, and we are asking for cash as our gift. We are registered at two places for those who are old-fashioned. We have a sweet poem that is nice for asking for cash. We just don't know how to tell people we are also registered but would prefer cash.

We would like to put the poem first, then say we're registered for those who don't want to give cash. Please help. :)

GENTLE READER: In a word: No. Miss Manners has stated time and time again that she does not give instruction on how to exploit one's guests.

She is not pausing over your letter to congratulate you on being the millionth Gentle Reader to ask anyway. It is that touch of putting your extortion hopes into a poem that haunts her. You have not favored her with a glance at it, so she can only guess that it is:

"Roses are red

"Violets are blue,

"To pay our expenses

"We have targeted you."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For 35 years we have celebrated Thanksgiving and Easter with close friends and their families. For some reason, starting last Easter, they don't want to share holidays with us. They don't go to anyone else's house. Actually, that would be easier to take.

I am very hurt by this. I have no idea what has happened. I feel we are owed an explanation. If a man said this to a long-term girlfriend, she would assume he doesn't want to see her anymore.

A recent email just said they are eating with their daughter and son-in-law at their retirement-home restaurant and that it would be a "different dinner for us all."

I don't know what that means, so I didn't respond. We still see them regularly and they act normally, so this is a puzzle. I know I should take the high road and just ignore this. But as time goes on, I get more and more hurt and angry, and I fear that I can't just put it behind me and I might cry when I am with them.

Is there any way that I can convey how hurt I am and find out if there is something that we have done (unclean kitchen?) that I can apologize for? If they totally cut us off, it would make more sense. But in this case, it is a very specific event. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: You should let it go and have a jolly Thanksgiving, perhaps with other friends. And you should continue, on the other days of the year, to enjoy the friendships you have always had.

Mostly, Miss Manners suggests that you stop comparing friendships to romances. Friendships are not exclusive, and it is therefore not disloyal to make other commitments. These people have not dropped you. They, or their daughter and son-in-law, could have wanted to change for any number of reasons not having to do with you.

But if your kitchen is unclean, for heaven's sake, clean it anyway.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 62-year-old woman and was in a large university hospital visiting a friend who was being moved into hospice care. There were several people waiting for an elevator on that floor.

I saw a woman about 30 years of age quietly weeping. I so wanted to put my arm around her, but I didn't. I couldn't even find a dry tissue in my purse to offer her. Should I have put my arm around her and said something? Not one of the many people waiting or in the elevator said anything to her.

GENTLE READER: Many years ago, one of the leading proponents of the theory that hugs are always a comfort, even from strangers, said publicly that he was once in a hotel elevator with Miss Manners and thought she would benefit from a hug.

Fortunately, he refrained. The least that mild-mannered Miss Manners would have done if a strange man had grabbed her in an elevator would have been to brain him with her purse.

Obviously, you appeared to be less threatening, but it is never a good idea to startle a stranger like that. Offering the tissue would have been kind, and just saying, "Can I get you anything?" would have shown compassion in a distant enough way that would not intrude on the lady's grief.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of the family wrote on his card (which included a generous wedding gift), "No thank-you note requested." This man is my father's business partner, and as someone whom I have known since I was very young, it seemed inappropriate for me not to acknowledge his gift, even at his request.

After weeks of mulling over the appropriate response, I opted to send a short but sweet email instead of a paper thank-you card I sent to everyone else. Despite having made my decision, I still feel uncomfortable disregarding his request. What would you recommend that I do in the future, should such a situation arise?

GENTLE READER: No doubt your father's partner saw this as added generosity on his part -- to excuse you from an onerous duty. But you were right to recoil from his suggestion, because it would have forced you to be rude.

How is that possible (Miss Manners imagines you wondering), when you would only be complying with his suggestion? If he doesn't care about receiving thanks, why should you bother giving them?

The answer is that otherwise, he will have made you into an ingrate.

It is the essence of letters of thanks that the writers must seem to be writing spontaneously out of gratitude that they feel and can't help expressing. This is why obvious form letters -- ones that begin "Thank you for the ..." or, worse, pre-printed ones -- are unsatisfactory. So by agreeing not to write, you would be admitting that you were not actually grateful and were relieved to be free of the chore of pretending that you were. Your benefactor may declare this not to be rude, but you and Miss Manners know that it would be.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)