DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are the rules for showing cleavage?

GENTLE READER: We have to draw the line somewhere, don't we? And by "where," Miss Manners is referring to geographical places, as well as anatomical ones.

That means at the office, no cleavage; on the nude beach, whatever you've got. Maybe even on the regular beach these days.

For evening, she holds to the Victorian standard. No, wait, it was a lot lower than you think.

But it was -- ah, selective. Ball gowns were cut amazingly low, but they had sleeves. The idea was to show one thing at a time, although Miss Manners knows that there should be a better way to put that. Let her just say that cleavage should not be displayed when the dress is down-to-here in the back, or up-to-there anywhere in the skirt.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A grade school acquaintance sent me an email requesting contact information for a member of my family. I am aware that the family member, who lives in the same region as the acquaintance, does not wish to associate with the acquaintance and, not unreasonably, fears being hounded by frequent unwelcome requests to share and reconnect.

Is it best to simply ignore the email? What would be an appropriate and kind response?

GENTLE READER: Kinder than "He doesn't want anything to do with you"?

But not as kind as, "Well, here's his email, his cellphone number, his Twitter account, and the password to his protected information on Facebook -- and I happen to know that he's home now"?

At some point, this person is going to realize that he is not getting the information he wants. But Miss Manners understands that you would prefer not to be the bouncer, and yet not to betray your relative.

You need only forward the email and reply to the acquaintance that you have done so. There is no need to admit that you prefaced the forwarded message with, "I know you don't want to see him, so I'm not giving him your address."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are planning our daughter's wedding and finalizing the formal wedding invitation. She and her fiance have decided that the year of their church wedding ceremony should not be included on the invitation. They are not inclined to spell out the year, and have told us it is not required.

I have never received a wedding invitation without the year included and would like to know the proper etiquette guidelines.

GENTLE READER: It upsets the natural order of things when the children want to do things properly, and the parents have never been exposed to such propriety, but Miss Manners must tell you that your children are correct.

It seems odd that the year should suddenly be appearing on invitations -- along with other incorrect new touches -- because it would be ridiculous to invite people to an event a year away.

Another innovation, the save-the-date notice, takes care of the problem of people who plan so far ahead that they are able to use their frequent flier points. Miss Manners considers those useful, as long as everyone understands that they do not require a commitment, or even a response, from the guest, and yet do commit the host to issuing invitations when the time comes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After seeing so many men keeping their jackets buttoned when standing, sitting to chat, forecasting weather, playing a musical instrument, lecturing a class, or sitting at dinner, and others leaving them completely unbuttoned in these situations, I have searched for your say. You once opined that buttoning a vest's bottom button is rebellious.

Should a conductor in black tie leave his jacket unbuttoned? Unbutton it to play piano? Keep it buttoned sitting at dinner? Does a vest make a difference? I wonder about a cummerbund.

GENTLE READER: All that fuss, just because Edward VII overindulged!

As a result of a fat monarch's inability to button the bottom button of his weskit or his jacket, here we are, a century later, with even trim gentlemen forced to do the same. Miss Manners would have thought that the London tailors who came up with this solution would have been better employed making their king a suit that fit him. Or at least consenting to move his buttons.

There is no use rebelling: From Edwardian times on, proper tailors have been making suits that hang right only with that last button unfastened, and that may require the jacket to be entirely unbuttoned when the gentleman is seated. Yet controversy still rages about whether the cummerbund or weskit that is worn with a dinner jacket allows, or even requires, the jacket to be buttoned when its wearer is standing.

However, a gentleman who is a musician should be immune from such unseemly debates. He ought to be in full evening dress -- white tie as opposed to black tie -- where the swallowtail coat hangs open over the pique waistcoat. Conductors are seen from the back, where the tails are fetching, or at least amusing. Pianists can throw the tails back over the piano bench with a flourish. Once a gentleman who was dressed to take Miss Manners to a ball had so much fun doing that, that he could hardly be persuaded to leave the piano bench and go to the ball.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always believed that you should let those exiting go first, as in the case of an elevator. I am a male and was in the process of exiting the small copy room at the office. The doorway is big enough only for one person at a time.

A female was racing into the room and practically pushed me out of the way. I made a comment that she should let people exit before pushing into the room. She replied with an expected ladies-first comment.

Who is right? Should she have waited for me to exit or should I have backed up to allow her in?

GENTLE READER: Ah, yes, nothing says "ladylike" as much as pushing people aside and demanding precedence.

Your colleague is as wrong in theory as she is in practice. "Ladies first" is a social system that does not apply in the working world. But in any case, a lady or anyone else trying to enter a room should defer to someone who is halfway through the door. Yet Miss Manners must remind you that not doing so is no excuse for pushing back verbally.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been told that one must never wear pearls after 5:00 p.m. I have a lovely string of pearls that I'd love to wear for an evening out. Is that really incorrect?

GENTLE READER: Oh, those poor innocent pearls, grounded when the fun starts, while their flashier sisters, the major gemstones, are out whooping it up.

Miss Manners is pleased to tell you that you have been seriously misinformed. Pearls can always be trusted to be proper, so they are allowed out at any time of day or night.

It is diamonds, rubies, sapphires and emeralds that have time restrictions. They should not show themselves in daylight, unless they are respectably set in engagement or wedding rings. But then, they probably don't care, because they are nursing hangovers from the nightly revels.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a luncheon where the keynote address was given before the main meal was served. A salad was pre-set on the table for each guest. One guest began eating her salad, but another guest chastised her for doing so, indicating that she should wait until the honored guest had finished speaking.

There was confusion as to whether it was proper to begin eating while the keynote speaker was giving his address. There were no speeches during the main course, but there was a speaking program as dessert and coffee were served. For whatever reason, no one hesitated to eat the dessert during this part of the program. What is the proper etiquette in this situation?

GENTLE READER: Fortunately, there is no rule against listening with your mouth full -- only against talking in that state. If there were, there could be no such thing as a dinner party.

Besides, only so much time has been allotted for that sort of luncheon, and no speaker should have to try to charm an audience that is staring hungrily at food.

Miss Manners does think it would be helpful for the person chairing the event to suggest that it was all right to begin eating. And it would be even more helpful if the guests did not chastise one another.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner, Jonathan, often goes by the nickname Jon. When I introduce him as such, people presume he's a John, and when they hear his last name, they tease him for being named after a particular English explorer, and question the nature of his relationship with Pocahontas.

How do we introduce him such that we encourage people to use his nickname but ensure that no lame jokes follow?

GENTLE READER: If you discover a way of preventing people from joking about other people's names, please let Miss Manners know. All jokes about people's names are lame, and you may be sure the targets have heard them countless times before.

In this particular case, possible protection might be achieved by using your partner's full given name when introducing him to strangers. Maybe not; those jokers are relentless. Just tell him not to smile when he says, "Pocahontas? Never heard of her."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)