DEAR MISS MANNERS: Alas, once again I have been the victim of the cellphone.

After years and years of not seeing a couple, I was pleased to have them to dinner recently. I spent a day or two getting the meal prepared so that I would not interrupt the flow of conversation as I served the four different courses.

When I issued the definitive invitation, I asked them, if they would kindly place their cellphones in the "off" position while they were in my house. I am glad I did not ask them to refrain from expectorating on the floor. They simply ignored me.

Early in the evening, their son called them, and without rising from the table, they sat there and chatted with him, passing the phone back and forth, and telling him that I sent my regards (which I did not). Then the husband proceeded to slip the cellphone out of his pocket at least 10 times during the remainder of the meal to read something -- I know not what, since we were not privy to the communications he was sent.

I did not say anything to them, since a good host does want his guests to feel at ease. I courteously gave them a couple of things they had enjoyed eating to take home.

Now what do I do? I am still trying to rid myself of the rancor of this experience.

First of all, I realize that these two people have very little consideration for me and my feelings, and of course, even less for the other guest at the table with them. Second, I realize that I really am pretty boring and that my conversation at the table is not enough to keep these two acquaintances' attention. Third, I really should not have invited them to dinner, and fourth, I will not invite them again, nor accept their invitations, since they really do not think a whole lot of me.

But what about other people? Must I always specify when I invite people not to bring their cellphones and not to use them, and then when they pull them out, ask them to step outside to use them?

Someone who interrupts conversation to speak with someone on a cellphone, or spends the evening checking messages, really irritates me. Most people would not try to smoke or clean a pipe at the table in a private home if asked not to do so. Am I being too subtle?

GENTLE READER: You are not a victim of the cellphone. You are the victim of rude people, whom you have sensibly ejected from your life. And you are gloomily assuming that this form of rudeness is so pervasive that it is likely to be practiced by others whom you initially think well enough of to invite to dinner.

Miss Manners hopes not. In any case, it is not flattering to guests to announce etiquette rules to them in advance, as if they would not otherwise know how to behave. And collecting their telephones from them is not exactly gracious.

She suggests waiting for a violation, at which point you can rise and get the violator's attention to say, "Please take that in the other room. We wouldn't want to annoy you by holding conversation while you are busy."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just received an invitation to a child's 1-year-old birthday party. While I was pleased to be invited, on the invitation it advised he is registered at a well-known toy store.

Am I missing something?

I can understand for weddings, but for birthdays it just seems tacky to me. (Especially for a 1-year-old who really has no idea of what is going on, and will probably be just as happy playing with the wrapping paper and box as what's inside.) Is this the New Age yuppie era?

GENTLE READER: No, it was the succeeding Gimme era that thought of farming out its shopping lists. Miss Manners supposes that the child's parents, in choosing items that they might otherwise want to buy him, are thinking of his education: They are teaching him that if you want something, tell others to buy it for you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm getting married soon and have begun receiving gifts via mail or parcel delivery. I will write proper thank-you notes, but we won't get back from the honeymoon until (in some cases) more than a month after receiving the gift.

I've been sending emails to people to thank them, mostly to let them know their gift or check arrived, but I also will send handwritten thank-yous.

Am I going overboard? What's the accepted interval before one should expect a thank-you? I don't want people to think me rude for not thanking them, but I don't want them to think me rude for using email, either. I also don't want them to think their gift was misrouted.

GENTLE READER: Why are you making double work for yourself?

And why does Miss Manners believe that with the best intentions in the world, you are never going to do it? Because you will return from your wedding trip with all sorts of things to do in your new life, and the mere thought of all those letters to write will exhaust you. Oh well, you will tell yourself, you already wrote these people. There are more urgent things to do.

But if you actually get so far as to sit down with a piece of paper, you will ask yourself what more you can say, as they know you received these wonderful presents.

Ah, you could tell them about your trip. But it sounds stupid to say you had a wonderful time on your honeymoon, as if you had expected not to, and anyway, this is supposed to be a thank-you letter, not a travelogue. Is it enough to tack on a "thanks again for ..."?

There is no need to put yourself through all this when you can dash off the handwritten letters as the presents come in, almost as fast as you could write those emails. But it is true, Miss Manners admits, that you would have to factor in the time you spend looking for a stamp.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At the end of a date, a young man suggested (repeatedly) that we go back to my house for a drink. (My house was much closer than his.)

Is it unreasonable to say "yes" to such a request and still expect him to go home after an hour or two? He had never been invited to my house before, nor I to his.

Was it rude of me to let him know that he was about to miss the last train? Was it rude of him to invite himself over?

I'm guessing that it would be best never to let him get near my house in the first place. I enjoyed chatting with him over a drink, but it didn't seem worth enduring the awkward moment of kicking him out.

GENTLE READER: General rule: Do not say yes to self-invited guests who only inspire you to wonder how you will get rid of them. (This rule does not apply to close relatives.)

It also seems to Miss Manners that there could be more than a curfew problem if you accepted this reverse-invitation, as she gathers you did not. That he needed to be reminded that his last train home was imminent should have answered any doubt you might have had about his intention to go home at all, let alone early.

The usual way to demur is to say, "I've had a lovely evening, but I'm too tired" or, if you want to conclude the association, simply, "I'm afraid I have a headache."

But the train excuse was ostensibly helpful, so it was not rude. Self-invitations, however, even with the purest of intentions, are questionable. Not taking no for an answer is clearly rude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Before I had my last baby, I purchased some baby gear from an acquaintance. I wrote her a check for a substantial amount of money. She also gave me some items for free that she felt she could not sell.

Now, a bit over a year later, she contacted me to say she's unexpectedly having another baby and demanded her things back as if she had lent them to me. I'm done with the items and not planning to have more children, so if she had made a polite request, I would have happily given them to her. I have a lot of sympathy for her predicament, but her attitude of entitlement is offensive.

How can I respond to this? We have several mutual friends, and I don't want to create discord in my social circle.

GENTLE READER: Since it has been more than a year, perhaps this lady has forgotten that some of the things were sold to you, not given. Still, in either case, they had become yours, and the lady should have asked for them as a favor.

Miss Manners gathers that you only want to make that point, not to recoup the money. Then you can say, graciously, "Which things do you need back? There were two batches -- one that you sold me (and here you can even name the price) and another batch that you kindly gave me." After pausing to let that sink in, you should add, "Never mind, I'm happy to give you back everything you want."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)