DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have found a disturbing trend in the media and in real-life encounters -- that people who do not live independently from their parents are to be highly scorned.

I am 30 years old and have yet to move out of my parents' home. I was forced to make a career change due to personal reasons, and I will be graduating from a career college in only a few months, with high hopes of getting hired in my field. I feel as though people are heaping scorn upon my parents, as well, for not kicking me out as soon as I was of age.

Many articles and people say that living outside of their parents' homes is extremely difficult for young people, yet I still find myself on the receiving end of "You're HOW old and still living with your parents?!"

I have bitten my tongue against the urge to reply, "How old were you when your parents decided that you were an obligation that they could finally dispose of?"

Obviously this would not be a good response, but I'm at a loss as to how to handle the scathing comments gracefully. This is especially difficult since my parents have been nothing but supportive of my career challenges and have never made me feel like a burden.

GENTLE READER: The people who say this are HOW old?

Miss Manners asks because the generation that considers relatives to be natural enemies is aging. They grew up denouncing their parents' values, styles of living and psyches; they left home as soon as possible and resented the expectation of telephone calls and holiday visits; and they predicted antagonism from children -- their own as well as others' -- at every stage: Babies would ruin your life, teenagers would hate you, young adults would go off and never be heard from again, or, worse, come home.

That other cultures value and seek to prolong family ties does not discourage such believers from declaring generational enmity to be normal human behavior.

But things are changing. You are far from the only young adult living with his parents. And while doing so is always explained in terms of economic hardship and maternal laundry service, those are not the only reasons.

It seems that another generation of parents has reared children who become fond of them. Miss Manners keeps hearing of, and even reading about, college students who keep in frequent touch with their parents, and graduates who are frankly happy to return home, in preference to living in solitude or with yet more roommates.

So you should be hearing fewer such remarks. That aging generation is beginning to realize that if a time comes when they are no longer able to live on their own, it is their children who will decide where to place them.

In the meantime, Miss Manners suggests replying: "Yes, I'm very lucky. Are you able to see much of your parents?" Or, if their parents are not likely to be alive, "of your children."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Regarding a husband and wife planning an anniversary, is there one or the other who usually does all the planning?

GENTLE READER: If they cannot settle that peaceably by themselves, Miss Manners supposes that they will not have to worry about celebrating many anniversaries.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was brought up by a mother and grandmother who overvalued table manners as an indication of a person's character and general worth as a human being. I pride myself on not having such foolish priorities, and yet ...

I am the grandmother of three wonderful young women who all hold their knives and forks incorrectly when cutting their meat, and I'm afraid it drives me crazy.

Do you think I should just get over it, or can you suggest a way I might correct them without embarrassing them and/or myself?

GENTLE READER: Don't you think you owe your mother and grandmother a tardy apology? Perhaps what they meant was not that people who eat haphazardly are valueless as human beings. Perhaps what they meant was only that such people are yucky to watch. As you have discovered.

However, Miss Manners notices that you also owe your forebears thanks for having provided you with a tactful way of instructing your granddaughters. If you give them an amusing picture of yourself in rebellion against what you thought of as shallow concerns, you will head off their saying the same. Then you can tell them that oddly enough, it did turn out to be true that people, even high-minded people, are put off by poor table manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I want to not invite six people to whom a "save the date" notification was sent. How can I do this in a tactful way?

GENTLE READER: Cancel the event.

You can then re-plan it for a different time with another guest list. But Miss Manners considers any other solution to be the equivalent of saying on the telephone, "Thanks for holding," and then hanging up.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a recent outing to my local supermarket, an individual who must have been in quite a hurry slipped in behind me at the checkout line. Though I had placed only a few of my items on the counter, she began to place hers at the end of the belt, leaving me only a few inches to continue adding my own.

In her haste to unload her groceries, she must have pushed her carriage and it hit the back of my legs. I turned to look at her and she apologized. I acknowledged her apology, and, after having finished placing my items, moved up to the card reader to swipe my debit card.

I felt a presence behind me, and there she was, allowing me no privacy to enter my PIN, making it necessary for me to place my hands over the device to ensure it could not be read. What does one do in this situation?

I had no desire to make a scene, but wish I could have thought of something to say that was kind and to the point to let this individual know that she was repeatedly violating my personal space.

GENTLE READER: It would be more effective to let this individual know that she is repeatedly violating her own interests.

Miss Manners suggests halting your transaction to turn and say pleasantly, "I'll be able to oblige you by doing this faster if you will allow me the room I need." If you say it clearly, the people in line behind the offender will turn their impatience on her.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I disagree when it comes to the ban on families giving bridal or baby showers. In my day, it was the bridesmaids who gave the shower, but today bridesmaids have extra expenses -- engagement parties, dress, shoes, hair, makeup, gift and hotel room. Same goes for a baby shower -- usually it's your friends, but they have families of their own.

With today's economy, it's very hard to budget that expense, and some friends live out of state. In most families, parents can finance the showers.

GENTLE READER: Really? Why does Miss Manners suspect that you have a popular but unengaged daughter, and that you might change your mind when you are faced with financing an entire wedding? Could it be because so many of the people who take issue with Miss Manners are seeing only their own side, and not that of others, to whom they cheerfully assign whatever they wish to escape?

The funny thing is that Miss Manners also tries to rescue bridesmaids and other friends who feel -- or worse, are told -- that they must give parties they can ill afford. But she does not accept the premise by which you merely reassign the expense: the unfortunately widespread belief that lavish showers are an essential part of wedding festivities.

Bridal showers, and for that matter, baby showers, are supposed to be informal gatherings of the honoree's close friends, who give charming little (repeat: little) presents befitting the circumstances-to-be. For the honoree's parents to give showers, whether or not they can afford to do so, not only looks vulgar because of the focus on presents, but also destroys the premise.

Those monster showers given today have become a burden on both hosts and guests, another in a series of events designed to collect whatever goods the honorees have announced that they want.

Miss Manners' antidote is not, like yours, to stick someone else with the bill. It is to return the shower to its proper place as an optional, lighthearted gathering of intimate friends.

Bridesmaids who decide that they want to give such a party would first figure out what they can afford, as indeed any host should. A tea or dessert party in someone's home would not only be inexpensive but, to Miss Manners' mind, far more delightful than anything held in a commercial establishment, however pretentious.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to an out-of-state job transfer, I am unable to spend as much time with my grandchildren as I would like. My ex-husband's new wife, who I suspect would rather spend less time with my grandchildren, texts photos of my grandchildren to me. I am not entirely sure of her motivation. How should I respond?

GENTLE READER: The motivation? You mean because it couldn't possibly be that she thought you would like to see pictures of your grandchildren?

Miss Manners gathers that you are looking for a way to construe this as a vicious act to which you can make a withering reply. You will have to do that on your own. In the meantime, please thank the lady. No dispassionate person could construe this as being an insult.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)