DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend recently had a baby, and every time I visit her, she asks, "Do you want to change the baby's diapers?"

I can't imagine why she keeps offering this, and frankly, I have no interest in doing so. It's not like this mom is overwhelmed and hinting for help; she has in-home child care assistance.

What is the best response to decline her "offer"?

GENTLE READER: Are you sure you want to decline such an honor? Here your friend is offering you the chance to be of service to the most important person in the universe, and you intend to pass it up?

Very well. Miss Manners suggests, "No, thank you. But how kind of you to offer."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About four years ago, my husband had to resign from his ministry position because of inappropriate behavior in a past parish that became a legal matter. After his resignation from the church -- at which there had been no problem -- we remained in the community, but began attending another church.

In these past years, we have continued to be connected with some of our former church members closely and others not so closely. But the people remain close to my heart. It was hard to leave that congregation where we had been for seven happy years.

Many of the young people we worked with have been getting married. Only a handful have invited us to their weddings. It brings sadness to me to not be invited. I still care about these young people and their parents.

I would like to send a wedding gift, but wonder if it is inappropriate to send a gift when not invited to the wedding. I simply want to express my congratulations along with a message of continued care.

GENTLE READER: That would be lovely if Miss Manners were not worried about that "message of continued care." Your present and congratulations alone say that. Adding the message you propose suggests that while you haven't forgotten to care, they have.

It's a subtle nuance. But then, people do pick up on such nuances. You surely noticed that Miss Manners is the first person to become newly aware of your husband's history without asking what his inappropriate behavior was.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My story and question are as follows: I recently moved to another state after meeting a gentleman on the Internet. We had a three-month courtship where we took turns driving back and forth. I then moved, and the relationship dissolved -- definitely not a match!

I now (several months later) have met another gentleman in the area of whom I'm very fond. I'm meeting his friends and family. When they ask me a question such as, "So, what brought you from North Carolina to Virginia?" I don't want to say a flopped Internet relationship. What would be the appropriate thing to say in response to this type of question?

GENTLE READER: "Why, it must have been fate."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I told my mother-in-law that we are expecting our first child, her first grandchild. She lives out of state, so we have made an effort to try to make her feel included in the whole process, but lately she has become overbearing. We get two to three emails a day of "recommendations for the new baby."

I have tried to politely inform her that we have done our research and feel like we are prepared, but she doesn't seem to get the gentle hints. She has even gone so far as telling us to plan for many visits so she can "help" us.

I understand this is her first grandchild and that she is excited, but how can I get her to back off without pushing her away?

GENTLE READER: Backing off does seem like a good idea, but Miss Manners believes that you would be better off doing it yourself, rather than suggesting it to your mother-in-law. The time will come, sooner or later, when you will be grateful for a little help.

You should understand that it is hard on today's grandparents to discover that the way they cared for their babies -- for example, having them sleep on their stomachs in cribs with bumpers and slide-down sides -- is now considered not just outdated but lethal. And it's the miraculously surviving babies who are scorning them for that.

You can, of course, merely thank your mother-in-law for her advice and then not follow it. But it would be kinder to her and ultimately more useful to you (because the lady will be part of her grandchild's life) to share your research.

Please drop that we-already-know-everything tone when explaining what you learned from your friends, your doctor and the Internet. Not only is it rude, but it will come back to haunt you when you are coping with the real complexities of child-rearing -- and when, as has so often happened, the experts reverse themselves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I understand that one may tip a soup bowl away from one. May one tip a cereal bowl in either direction?

GENTLE READER: No, but if you eat breakfast alone with the shades down, Miss Manners will not tattle on you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband has a good friend whose grandmother just passed away. When I suggested that he go to the services, he acted surprised and didn't think that it was appropriate because he had never met the grandmother.

I told him that he was there to support this friend and his father (whom he has met several times).

I suggested that he go only to the services, not the burial or wake. He wasn't sure and asked me to get a second opinion. What is appropriate in this situation?

GENTLE READER: Between you, you have come up with the two chief reasons for attending a funeral: to pay respects to the deceased and to console the bereaved. But either one is a sufficient reason.

Miss Manners can also think of a third reason: to accompany one's spouse to a funeral that he really should attend.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a question regarding the etiquette of a married woman giving jewelry to a friend (male, also married). Specifically, I would like to give my friend a lovely vintage tuxedo set, with cuff links and shirt studs, for his birthday.

Another friend told me that cuff links are an inappropriate gift, and that they are considered so intimate that a man should receive them only from his wife or as a family heirloom.

Would it be unseemly for me to give my friend this set? My husband would probably be giving him a separate gift, but if it would make it more appropriate, I can present the set as a gift from both of us. Or is my other friend right, and there's no way for me to correctly give this type of item to any man who is not my husband?

Also, I realize that I have described the cuff links and studs as jewelry. Would they actually be considered accessories? It's not an important distinction, but I am curious.

GENTLE READER: As the least suspicious person in the world, Miss Manners assumes that you said to your husband: "I'm sick of seeing Orville wearing those stupid plastic things in his dress shirts when we all go out. His birthday is coming up, and I'm going to get him a decent set."

It's the next part that she has trouble imagining -- your prediction that your husband would then get him a separate present. Is there really a husband who would not be delighted to be relieved of the chore of shopping for a friend when he can simply share the credit for his wife's graciousness?

If the present is not genuinely and openly from you both, the friend who said it would look unseemly has a point. Even then, it would be potentially embarrassing if the jewelry (which it is if there are precious metals involved) is obviously more valuable than what has been previously exchanged in this friendship. Can't you think of something else to give him? Such as a good book?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a bachelor, I take most of my meals in restaurants, and I have always thought that the proper way to eat bread is to break off a bite-sized piece, butter it and pop it into one's mouth.

Yet I don't recall ever seeing anyone (except me) do this. Most people break a generous piece from the loaf, butter it and consume it in four or five bites. Is my information incorrect or simply outdated?

GENTLE READER: There is no need for Miss Manners to condemn anyone here, when a small amount of give-and-take will put you and your fellow diners on the same plate, so to speak.

The rule allows two or three bites, so you need only break off a piece that lets you take one or two more, and they should take one or two fewer.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like something nice to say to a friend who is retiring.

GENTLE READER: Go right ahead. "Congratulations" and "I hope I'll see more of you" come to Miss Manners' mind. "What are you going to do with yourself?" does not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)