DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you make of the practice of old high school/college classmates reconnecting with someone only when a major life event is taking place?

A friend and I became acquainted while we were college classmates and maintained a friendship over the years. Seven years ago, other things began to take precedence over us keeping in touch, I guess. She moved away and I remained.

Flash-forward to present day: I got a call from my ex-husband, saying that she had come across his name/profile on LinkedIn and wanted his help in passing her contact info along to me (she obviously no longer had mine).

I knew immediately that she was either getting married or engaged, or was having a baby. I don't know how I knew this, but it turns out my intuition was well placed.

When we finally connected, she was all chatty -- "Girlll, it has been ages since we've talked! You are the only one I remembered from the Glee Club!" She then went on to tell me that she wanted my address so she could send me a wedding invitation.

Now mind you, she was in my hometown last year, but obviously didn't feel motivated enough to reach out to me then -- until now, when she's getting married.

I just think it is so interesting when people feign concern for another person, when clearly there is another agenda. For me, this has occurred on more than one occasion.

In a reversal of the situation, when I was compiling my wedding guest list, I did not feel compelled to reach back and invite people who I had not been in contact with in over 10, 15 years. I felt it appropriate to invite only friends/family who I had remained in contact with.

To me, it would have been phony to reconnect with long-lost people only for the purpose of engaging them in the "special moment," especially if I truly had not been motivated to keep up with them in other, less glamorous life moments.

Am I getting bent way out of shape? What is the best way to react to this type of overture should it happen again?

For the record, I played along and did attend her birthday celebration, which was taking place in my hometown during the same weekend as her wedding shower. I declined the RSVP to her wedding, however.

GENTLE READER: Isn't half the Internet taken up with people trying to reconnect with their old classmates -- or at least trying to discover that they turned out badly?

And isn't it possible that a similar impulse -- well, the nostalgic one, rather than the vindictive one -- moves people to include old friends at important events?

As you did not have such feelings, you were right to decline the wedding invitation. Miss Manners is only trying to assuage your cynicism.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What should you do with an engagement ring after a divorce? Should you sell it, keep it, etc.? It was already agreed for the ex-wife to keep the ring and not return it to the ex-husband.

GENTLE READER: There must be some formula for this, weighing a former wife's feelings about the husband and about the ring. For example, if she hates him but loves it, throwing it in his face, or in the river, would provide short-term satisfaction and long-term regret. In any case, Miss Manners recognizes that the ring is hers, and she gets to decide what to do with it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am having trouble with my sister, Caroline, and my fiancee, Emily. Caroline is my twin, and she is married and has a 9-month-old baby girl.

Caroline has done nothing to endear herself to Emily. Emily has tried to be friends, and Caroline rebuffs every attempt. She has declined dinner and party invitations, and has not been any help in the wedding planning at all. We had asked her to be a bridesmaid, which makes Emily think that Caroline should be more helpful and enthusiastic.

Even worse, my Emily wanted the wedding to be adults only, but Caroline simply told her that the baby was part of the family and would be coming. This has upset Emily greatly -- not just the part about bringing the baby, but also the rude way it was done.

Caroline has now responded to a bachelorette party invitation by first saying she would come for one day, and now saying that it is too far to drive. She says she "may" meet them at a winery, but we all know that is a lie.

Emily wants me to say something. I actually understand why Caroline wouldn't want to go to the bachelorette party -- she does not know anyone else there and would be uncomfortable. She also has a baby.

I think Emily may be a little oversensitive about this. Also, I didn't go to my brother-in-law's weekend bachelor party (partly because I didn't know anyone, partly because of work, and partly because I didn't want to make anyone feel like they had to be on their best behavior).

As for the baby at the wedding -- she is my niece, and I don't see what the big deal is in having her. All the baby will do is be a part of the photos and then sit in a high chair at the dinner. Yes, Caroline may leave early with the baby, but it doesn't hurt my feelings at all.

Naturally, Emily thinks I should be supporting her more. Who is right? Who is wrong? Do I have to be in the middle, or should Emily call Caroline and tell her how she feels?

GENTLE READER: You are in the middle, and you will be living there ever after if you don't settle this now.

The worst thing you could do would be to take sides. These are not combatants; they are, or soon will be, your family. The successful diplomat leaves everyone thinking that he sympathizes with her.

Therefore, you do not tell Caroline that she should be participating more in the wedding, that she should understand that her baby is not welcome, or anything of the sort. Rather, you say: "Emily wants so much to be friends with you, which would also mean a lot to me, and she is afraid that she might have inadvertently offended you. I don't think she understands how busy you are with the baby. We wish Zinnia were a bit older so that she could be a flower girl, but of course we want her at the wedding."

And how do you explain this to Emily? You do not tell her that she has to compromise. Rather, you say: "You know I will always be supportive of you, in every way. I'm sorry Caroline is being standoffish and snippy, but I think we can bring her around. It may be that she is just frazzled with the baby, so letting her bring her would help. Besides, Zinnia will be your niece, and I know you feel as I do that family is important. But let's not make an issue about the bachelorette party, because Caroline could throw it in my face that I didn't go to Josh's. If I'd had you to advise me then, I would have behaved better."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When did it become usual to omit the titles Miss, Ms., Mrs. or Mr. in mail addresses? Most of the cards I receive are addressed simply with my first and last name.

This is done not just by young people, but also by older people, even some my age, and I am 85. Is this commonplace among people who are not courtesy-minded, or is it part of the growing lack of class and refinement in our society?

GENTLE READER: It began with a lack of refinement on the part of recipients of letters. This was an unfortunate consequence of the well-intended change allowing married ladies flexibility in styling their formal names.

The trouble started two or three centuries ago, when it became standard to use the husband's full name when addressing the wife, as in Mrs. Clarence Huckleberry. Miss Manners was amazed at how long it took for those ladies to notice the consequences: successive wives of the same person taking the same name, no sensible way to be addressed properly at work, and so on.

Then Ms. came back into use, as it had been for the previous centuries as an abbreviation for "Mistress," the once-respectable honorific that went with first names regardless of marital status. That was an especially timely revival, as more brides were keeping their original names.

But this time, it arrived as an option, offering freedom, at last, from the rigidity of a single system.

And what did everyone do with this newly granted freedom? Ladies who used Ms. for themselves started offending their grandmothers by denying them the formal names they had always used, which was especially hurtful in the case of widows. And they became the targets of those who spurned what they thought of as a newly minted, awkward title.

Accusations were hurled: "They think my husband owns me!" "I'm proud of having my husband's name, and how dare they deny it to me?" All very tedious.

The situation was compounded by the difficulty of remembering everyone's personal choice. Miss Manners still hears from those who are indignant at not being addressed as they wish, and those who are bewildered at being vilified for a simple mistake. We are at the ridiculous state where it is possible to insult people simply by sending them invitations or letters of thanks.

Many victims of this just got fed up and stopped using any courtesy titles. Miss Manners agrees that this is a crude solution to a problem that would not exist if people only gave one another the benefit of the doubt and showed some tolerance and flexibility.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a homemaker, I do not have a business card to hand out. Is it proper to ask to exchange phone numbers or emails with strangers and to let them know you would like to become more acquainted?

I am quite friendly and would like to possibly make new friends of people I meet in a store, at a dance, on a trip, etc. Once I asked another woman in a restaurant if she would like some company while dining. We had a pleasant time together.

Is that proper, and could I have asked her for a phone number? My grown children seem to make friends of strangers in situations like these.

GENTLE READER: It's not improper if you don't scare the stranger. There are enough scams around to make people wary of giving out such information.

Miss Manners suggests that you volunteer yours instead. You need only jot down your number or email and say, "I've enjoyed talking to you and would be delighted if you got in touch."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)