DEAR MISS MANNERS: When did it become usual to omit the titles Miss, Ms., Mrs. or Mr. in mail addresses? Most of the cards I receive are addressed simply with my first and last name.

This is done not just by young people, but also by older people, even some my age, and I am 85. Is this commonplace among people who are not courtesy-minded, or is it part of the growing lack of class and refinement in our society?

GENTLE READER: It began with a lack of refinement on the part of recipients of letters. This was an unfortunate consequence of the well-intended change allowing married ladies flexibility in styling their formal names.

The trouble started two or three centuries ago, when it became standard to use the husband's full name when addressing the wife, as in Mrs. Clarence Huckleberry. Miss Manners was amazed at how long it took for those ladies to notice the consequences: successive wives of the same person taking the same name, no sensible way to be addressed properly at work, and so on.

Then Ms. came back into use, as it had been for the previous centuries as an abbreviation for "Mistress," the once-respectable honorific that went with first names regardless of marital status. That was an especially timely revival, as more brides were keeping their original names.

But this time, it arrived as an option, offering freedom, at last, from the rigidity of a single system.

And what did everyone do with this newly granted freedom? Ladies who used Ms. for themselves started offending their grandmothers by denying them the formal names they had always used, which was especially hurtful in the case of widows. And they became the targets of those who spurned what they thought of as a newly minted, awkward title.

Accusations were hurled: "They think my husband owns me!" "I'm proud of having my husband's name, and how dare they deny it to me?" All very tedious.

The situation was compounded by the difficulty of remembering everyone's personal choice. Miss Manners still hears from those who are indignant at not being addressed as they wish, and those who are bewildered at being vilified for a simple mistake. We are at the ridiculous state where it is possible to insult people simply by sending them invitations or letters of thanks.

Many victims of this just got fed up and stopped using any courtesy titles. Miss Manners agrees that this is a crude solution to a problem that would not exist if people only gave one another the benefit of the doubt and showed some tolerance and flexibility.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a homemaker, I do not have a business card to hand out. Is it proper to ask to exchange phone numbers or emails with strangers and to let them know you would like to become more acquainted?

I am quite friendly and would like to possibly make new friends of people I meet in a store, at a dance, on a trip, etc. Once I asked another woman in a restaurant if she would like some company while dining. We had a pleasant time together.

Is that proper, and could I have asked her for a phone number? My grown children seem to make friends of strangers in situations like these.

GENTLE READER: It's not improper if you don't scare the stranger. There are enough scams around to make people wary of giving out such information.

Miss Manners suggests that you volunteer yours instead. You need only jot down your number or email and say, "I've enjoyed talking to you and would be delighted if you got in touch."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband prides himself on having good manners and teaching our children good manners.

The one thing I have a problem with is that I come from a very open and welcoming family. When my nephew asked if he could come visit on Saturday, of course I said, "Sure, it would be great to have you come over."

As he was leaving his house, he phoned to inform me that he was bringing some friends with him. I know this is not the most polite thing to do, especially since they were arriving at dinnertime before heading out to dance at a club.

So at 5:30 p.m., my nephew and five of his friends, all about 19 to 22 years of age, arrived at my house. My mother and sister were over visiting, so we headed out to the store to get wings and pizza, which my mother paid for.

While we were out, I received a text from my husband saying that he was furious that my nephew had invited his friends over. I understand this.

However, when we arrived home, and my nephew showed up with his friends, my husband left the house. My mother and sister asked where he was, and I said he slipped out to the store to pick something up.

When my husband arrived back, he did not come and join us; he sat upstairs with a drink and snacks and ignored everyone, including my mother and sister.

I understand he was not happy with the situation -- but enough to be rude? As well, he is not speaking to me and is still furious with me.

How do I address this? Should I just accept that he is right? I don't think that two wrongs make a right, but maybe I'm wrong here. Should he have been more polite even though he was not happy with the situation?

GENTLE READER: But you said he prides himself on having good manners. So why isn't he ashamed of himself?

Petulance is a violation of etiquette, as are ignoring guests and taking out bad moods on innocent parties.

Yes, Miss Manners is well aware that he will claim that your nephew was rude to bring friends. But guess what? "He started it" is not an acceptable defense for being rude. It is indeed the essence of good manners to behave well when one does not feel like doing so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I currently live on a college campus, and therefore I spend almost all my time eating at campus locations. At these locations, they provide, in baskets, paper napkins and disposable forks on each table. I have become known among my friends for a habit in which, when asked to pass "a napkin" or "a fork," I pass the entire basket and let them choose. I was taught that this is only polite, but my friends see it as a curious idiosyncrasy. Who is correct?

GENTLE READER: Not only are you right, but you could get into just as much trouble doing the wrong thing. In a crowd that makes fun of you for a trivial gesture that happens to be correct, Miss Manners doesn't doubt that if you lowered your standards to theirs, one day someone would say, "Eewww -- I can't eat with that fork after you touched it."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My tolerance and patience are being exceeded. At 55 years old, I have been determined to be disabled due to severe injury to my left leg. My disability impairs only my ability to walk or run. I hold a doctorate and a few M.S. degrees in technical fields, and retired from industry as a North American manager for a multinational chemical company.

I have friends and family who are totally unable to mind their own business. I am sick of being called and told that I should get rid of all my possessions, sell my home, etc. I own a vintage 1930s brick home; the house is furnished in period furniture, and the contents include Oriental rugs, fine English china, cut crystal, etc.

These individuals, all of whom seem to believe they are at least 10 times smarter than me, haven't gotten around to addressing the issue of where I will live after selling the house. The next time I get a "put up a for-sale sign" comment, my response will be: "Absolutely! I will put out the sign tomorrow morning! And immediately after closing, I'll move in with you! So please start upgrading your home and a bathroom immediately to accommodate me and my pets."

It is truly uncanny how these individuals manage to find time to worry about my affairs when they can't manage their own. For a couple of relatives, I am sorely tempted to tell them: "My attorney has instructions to send everything to auction, so you need not be concerned. All proceeds will be used to support my pets that outlive me."

If you can offer additional insights, this would be helpful to me and others facing the same scenario.

GENTLE READER: The standard answer that Miss Manners suggests to acquaintances and strangers who offer unsolicited advice is, "How kind of you to take an interest in my private affairs."

But these are relatives and friends, and they have demonstrated that they recognize no boundaries when it comes to offering wisdom-free advice. They might be smug enough to take that statement literally, as a compliment on their compassion.

Rather than contest the boundary issue, she considers it legitimate to take advantage of the intimacy they have established to reply -- well, exactly the way you have thought of doing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister's family stayed in my home for the last family wedding. While here, they experienced car trouble and fixed their vehicle in my drive. After they left, I discovered a pile of discarded car parts on the other side of my house where it could be seen from the street.

Needless to say, I was horrified. What is the proper way to address this issue with my sister?

GENTLE READER: Mail them to her. But only if you are really, really angry, and she has a past history of leaving trash on your property -- after she reached adulthood, that is.

Miss Manners is guessing that the frustration caused by unexpected trouble left them so flustered that they forgot to deal with the mess. She would prefer that you overlooked it. But if you cannot, then call to ask if they managed to get home safely without the parts of their car you found on your lawn.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)