DEAR MISS MANNERS: My tolerance and patience are being exceeded. At 55 years old, I have been determined to be disabled due to severe injury to my left leg. My disability impairs only my ability to walk or run. I hold a doctorate and a few M.S. degrees in technical fields, and retired from industry as a North American manager for a multinational chemical company.

I have friends and family who are totally unable to mind their own business. I am sick of being called and told that I should get rid of all my possessions, sell my home, etc. I own a vintage 1930s brick home; the house is furnished in period furniture, and the contents include Oriental rugs, fine English china, cut crystal, etc.

These individuals, all of whom seem to believe they are at least 10 times smarter than me, haven't gotten around to addressing the issue of where I will live after selling the house. The next time I get a "put up a for-sale sign" comment, my response will be: "Absolutely! I will put out the sign tomorrow morning! And immediately after closing, I'll move in with you! So please start upgrading your home and a bathroom immediately to accommodate me and my pets."

It is truly uncanny how these individuals manage to find time to worry about my affairs when they can't manage their own. For a couple of relatives, I am sorely tempted to tell them: "My attorney has instructions to send everything to auction, so you need not be concerned. All proceeds will be used to support my pets that outlive me."

If you can offer additional insights, this would be helpful to me and others facing the same scenario.

GENTLE READER: The standard answer that Miss Manners suggests to acquaintances and strangers who offer unsolicited advice is, "How kind of you to take an interest in my private affairs."

But these are relatives and friends, and they have demonstrated that they recognize no boundaries when it comes to offering wisdom-free advice. They might be smug enough to take that statement literally, as a compliment on their compassion.

Rather than contest the boundary issue, she considers it legitimate to take advantage of the intimacy they have established to reply -- well, exactly the way you have thought of doing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister's family stayed in my home for the last family wedding. While here, they experienced car trouble and fixed their vehicle in my drive. After they left, I discovered a pile of discarded car parts on the other side of my house where it could be seen from the street.

Needless to say, I was horrified. What is the proper way to address this issue with my sister?

GENTLE READER: Mail them to her. But only if you are really, really angry, and she has a past history of leaving trash on your property -- after she reached adulthood, that is.

Miss Manners is guessing that the frustration caused by unexpected trouble left them so flustered that they forgot to deal with the mess. She would prefer that you overlooked it. But if you cannot, then call to ask if they managed to get home safely without the parts of their car you found on your lawn.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have learned that my grandmother is dying of cancer. She is very dear to me, and her passing will be a major event in my life. Therefore, I would like to honor her by going into formal mourning.

However, I know that mourning etiquette is somewhat complicated, and it differs depending on one's relation to the deceased, so I thought I would ask your expertise.

How long would it be seemly for me to be in mourning? What would be the appropriate clothes/colors for me to wear? Should I also avoid social events and parties for the duration?

I think this will be a real comfort to me when the time comes.

GENTLE READER: Mourning symbols can indeed be comforting, as gestures of piety toward the deceased. They are also useful in signaling others that the mourner is in a delicate emotional state. And this is exactly why they should not be paraded at parties.

Miss Manners assumes that the complicated mourning etiquette to which you refer is the precisely mandated Victorian version, which became so elaborate and ostentatious as to be watered down and then overthrown by subsequent generations.

For a granddaughter, it specified six months in plain black crepe, followed by two or three months of half-mourning in black silk with jet ornaments, followed by one to three months when touches of lavender could be added. A grandson could get away with less time, wearing a black suit with black buttons, a black tie and a black watch chain.

But if all this looked overdone then, it would look ridiculous now. And it would only encourage more people to urge you to "work through your grief." Sober clothes, usually black but sometimes white in summer, with the option of a black armband, and absence from social life other than for ceremonies, constitute dignified modern mourning.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law is getting married for the third time and to a man my husband, her son, does not care for. We bought them a small gift from my mother, father and ourselves as a group. We also bought them a card. Since my husband does not care for his mother's future husband, how should we sign the card? Do you congratulate them and grin?

GENTLE READER: What else were you thinking of writing on the card? "Here's hoping this is not as big a mistake as we know it is"?

Miss Manners is confident that your mother-in-law knows that her son is not rejoicing over this wedding. But she is going ahead with the marriage anyway. A poisoned card is not the way to wish her well, which is what you should be doing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best answer when someone asks you where you graduated from college and you haven't, but really don't want to answer in a defensive way?

GENTLE READER: "I didn't."

Miss Manners hopes you are not disappointed that she didn't come up with a witty way of saying, "I'm just as smart as you, maybe smarter, even though you went to college and I didn't." That would be defensive.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My best friend and my older sister and I, whose birthdays are only days apart, decided to celebrate together, meaning that a number of the people invited were not in my particular inner circle of friends, but mere acquaintances I know fairly well. During the festivities, my best friend's cousin's new fiancee decided to stop the ongoings and proceeded to announce their engagement, "seeing as almost everyone is here anyway."

I was infuriated. It seems to me that at almost every wedding or other major event, someone makes an announcement, stealing the attention away from the people whose celebration it is. I was equally as upset when, at my sister's wedding, a couple made the point of announcing that it was their wedding anniversary and requested their wedding song and a dance.

Is it just me? I mean, it seems incredibly rude. If you want to celebrate your wedding anniversary, throw your own party. Same goes for your engagement -- have an engagement party, and the attention will be all yours.

One should know better than to do something like that. I may sound bitter and petty, but I rarely spend time with my friends (seeing as I live in another town now), so I want to spend these moments free from the selfishness of others. I guess I'm as selfish as they are. Am I wrong to be upset?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps you had better explain what you mean by others "stopping the ongoings."

Were the three of you blowing out your birthday candles when that young lady cried, "Stop! I just got engaged"? Were your sister and her bridegroom opening the dancing, only to have the other couple instruct the band that as it was their anniversary, their song should be played first?

If not, Miss Manners is puzzled at your fury. Surely the guests at these events did not abandon their interest in the stated occasions. But -- surely -- this does not require focusing unrelieved attention on the principals.

Indeed, it would be selfish to expect guests to refrain from the usual socializing that such events allow. As this brings together relatives and friends who may not often see one another, the exchange of news is bound to take place.

Indeed, there are people who feel honored when others share their birthdays or anniversaries with them, and are themselves the ones to announce such facts. Miss Manners does not require you to do this, but she does want you to stop feeling that you must hoard your guests' attention.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Here in Washington, D.C., I've noticed that it seems to be the custom to stand when bigwigs (Cabinet members, ambassadors) enter the room. But I've always been taught that Americans don't have royalty, and don't need to stand or bow to anyone. Could you resolve this question?

GENTLE READER: Do you not see the difference between up and down? Standing up is a sign of respect; bowing down is a sign of subservience. Miss Manners is shocked when Americans bow or curtsy to foreign royalty, but she does not bristle, as you do, over a mere show of respect.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)