DEAR MISS MANNERS: When people are whispering in hearing distance and you hear your name mentioned, is it acceptable to ask what it is they are talking about?

GENTLE READER: You really should not acknowledge eavesdropping, even on people who are rudely whispering in your presence. But Miss Manners would think it reasonable for you to inquire, "Did you call me? I heard my name."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At my friend's birthday party sleepover, a few of her other close friends were also invited, which is good because we are all good friends.

We were talking about the boys we like, and I told my friends, thinking they would keep my secret. I like a boy who goes to the school they go to, which I used to attend.

I am going back next year from the current school I attend. One of my friends who was at the party told me that one of the girls told this boy that I like him and that he doesn't like me.

I am so sad, and I don't know how to go about asking my friend about this.

GENTLE READER: Don't. Not unless you want her to run back to the gentleman in question and say, "She's all upset that I told you."

But don't be upset. All you have to do, when you are back in that school, is to refrain from showing any special interest in him. It is embarrassing enough to a teenage boy to be told by a third party that someone "likes" him -- and you may be sure embarrassment colored his response. But it is positively galling to find that it doesn't seem to be true.

This leaves him wondering: Did she get over me that easily? Was she disillusioned when she saw me up close at school? Is it possible that the whole thing was a hoax and all the girls are laughing at me?"

With all that churning in his mind, you may be sure he is thinking of you. What will come of that, Miss Manners cannot say.

But what should come of the experience for you is the knowledge that if you can't keep your own secrets, you cannot expect others to keep them, either. And anything said in a group might as well be put on the Internet. You are lucky it wasn't.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The other night my husband and I invited another couple out for dinner. When the waitress came to take our order, my husband looked to the wife of the other couple to order first.

I say he should have looked to me, his wife, to order first, as I am the older and I am his wife. He says because we invited them, we defer to them.

I've never heard of that. I think he should defer to me, his wife! We are still fighting about this.

GENTLE READER: And is this increasing his desire to do honor to you?

If it did, Miss Manners fears that it would only incite you to greater rage. That is because the best thing he could do for you would be to protect you from being rude. Polite people defer to their guests, so female guests take precedence over the hostess.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to greet a public figure, say a politician, whom you generally regard as, to put it politely, someone whose intelligence is lacking?

I love my job -- I get to advocate for people with cancer -- but often my place of employment is visited by men and women who hold office but whose views I find absolutely abhorrent, namely those who hold bigoted views on gay men and women.

In the past, I have just hidden in my office until whoever is gone, but I know I cannot get away with this forever. I'm not required to work with them, merely be introduced and exchange a few words.

What is the least amount of civility I am allowed to offer without seeming rude? I don't want to put my colleagues in an awkward spot, and I don't want to offend the visitors, despite their offenses toward others, but I don't wish to be false. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: If this person were a mass murderer, you could refuse to shake hands and stalk off indignantly. For someone you describe as a garden-variety politician lacking in intelligence, Miss Manners considers that to be overkill as well as rude and -- because you would have insulted a visitor to your office -- bad for your career and your cause.

Unless the visitor's staff has done disastrous advance work, there will be enough people who push to greet him or her to make it seem as if you are politely hanging back to give them the chance. If you cannot avoid an introduction, you need say only, "How do you do," remembering not to lift the tone at the end, because it is not a question.

Some might notice the lack of adulation. Others will test your patience by assuming that everyone is fawning, and replying, "Thank you," or even "I appreciate your support." You should not answer back, but withdraw in dignity, with the comfort of knowing that you acted correctly, and perhaps demonstrated to your colleagues why you question the distinguished visitor's intelligence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a recent visit, my father was extremely unpleasant and made many nasty comments. When I spoke to him the next day, I received this "apology":

"If I was a jerk yesterday, I apologize, but at my age I'm entitled to be a jerk."

Is it me, or is that just an excuse and not a true apology?

GENTLE READER: It is not exactly soaked in remorse, is it? Nor should it fill you with confidence about his behavior in the future.

All the same, you owe your father respect. But you also owe him protection. Therefore, Miss Manners advises sitting down with him and suggesting, in a kindly way, that if he truly feels that he is no longer able to control his impulses, as he presumably did in the past, it may be time for you to take measures, such as handling his financial affairs, to avoid his suffering the consequences.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had to have my cat put down recently. Although she was quite old, her illness came on suddenly, and I was very distressed when the vet said there was nothing he could do. She wasn't in pain, so he kindly left me with her and said to take as long as I wanted to say goodbye.

After just a few minutes, an assistant at the office came into the room to get something. Someone had evidently told her of my situation, so she decided this was the time to explain to me how hard it was for her when she lost her own cat a couple of years before.

Miss Manners, I was spending a few last moments with my own beloved friend and companion. I guess she meant well, but her comments seemed so strange and inappropriate, and certainly nothing I wanted to hear right then. I was too fuddled to think of a polite way to get her to leave and just muttered answers, semi-surly ones, I'm afraid, until she finally went away. I think she was offended. It all just made a terrible situation worse.

What could I have said? Is there any way to politely express the wish, "Go away and leave me alone, you self-absorbed, insensitive ninny"? Is there some comment I could make to the vet, perhaps, that wouldn't blow it out of proportion but would communicate that being approached that way at such a time was not at all helpful?

GENTLE READER: As she works for a veterinarian, the young lady is probably used to snarling. But that does not excuse you. At least not to Miss Manners, although I would hope that those in the office have learned to make allowances in this situation.

All you needed to say was, "Please excuse us." If you must report her, please be gentle in suggesting only that private spaces should be provided that the staff need not enter.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A young friend of mine, age 26, asked me today if I would be a bridesmaid in her wedding. Of course, she honored me with her request.

However, I am 56 and feel that I would be so out of place. I do not wear anything close to what is considered contemporary for bridesmaids -- no short dresses, and I bare no arms. I would not want her to have to fit my mode of dress to be a part of her wedding party.

Is 56 too old to be a bridesmaid, especially for someone as young as this bride?

GENTLE READER: Bridesmaids are supposed to be chosen for their closeness to the bride, not their chorus line looks, and your friend, despite her age, is apparently mature enough to understand that.

You might mention your reservations about the clothing, but Miss Manners has faith that the lady in question is more interested in friendship than in costuming.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What does one do with the milk left in the bottom of the cereal bowl? I always drink it. One day I shocked someone who said it was bad manners. Wasting the milk doesn't seem right, either. Please advise.

GENTLE READER: Two pieces of advice (choose one):

(1) Use a spoon. (2) Eat breakfast alone with the shades down and don't tell anyone.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)