DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepson will be married this spring, his first and her second marriage. His fiancee has chosen to wear his mother's wedding dress.

My husband will be walking my stepson's fiancee down the aisle. I'm uncomfortable about seeing this wedding dress reincarnated on the arm of my husband. (Interesting that his ex-wife kept the dress for 40 years.) Am I out of line?

GENTLE READER: You know you are. You must be exposed to the usual wedding prattle of "It's all about the bride," a selfishness-promoting concept Miss Manners loathes. But surely it did not make you think, "No, it's all about me."

Still, the situation bothers you, so it might be useful to think about why. Do you suppose that the dress will transport your husband back into feeling that he has his beloved first bride on his arm? That seems doubtful, but in any case, the reality, in the form of the lady he divorced, will be right there to shatter the fantasy.

Anyway, he might be oblivious to it all. Every time Miss Manners has asked any gentleman who attended a wedding what the bride wore, the only answer forthcoming was, "I'm pretty sure it was a white dress."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best course of action when a friend request is denied on a social network -- particularly when that person is someone with whom one had long wished to reconnect?

I recently came across a friend online who was very dear to me in middle school -- more than two decades ago -- and was very excited. We'd fallen out of touch in college. However, I noticed later that she apparently had denied my request. I was hurt that she apparently did not share my desire to reconnect, but made no further efforts. (I assume she knew who I was, as my profile has a photo and, while I now go by my married name, my first name is not common.)

If this were another person, I would just brush it off, but this is someone whose rejection I find rather baffling and saddening. Is there any polite way at all to address the matter, or do I need to just let it go?

GENTLE READER: Is it possible that your friend remembers the time you kissed her beau or returned her sweater without realizing that you'd snagged it?

But Miss Manners believes it also possible that the lady is limiting her Facebook commitment in time spent or the number of correspondents acquired. Or that she did fail to recognize you with your changed name and grown-up photograph.

There are many other forms of communication still open, such as the telephone, email and even actual letters. Try another means before you feel snubbed enough to let it go.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband does not feel it is proper for him to compliment my cooking when we have dinner guests. However, he will compliment my cooking if it is just the two of us. What do you say?

GENTLE READER: About your cooking?

If Miss Manners were your guest and your husband complimented you on a meal she was eating: "Yes, it's wonderful; I was just going to mention that."

It is to avoid the appearance of prompting the guests that your husband wisely refrains from saying anything. You should compliment him on that -- in private.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My oldest son started university this year at one of the top schools in the country -- which also happens to be on the other side of the country. I have lost count of the number of people who, after initiating a conversation in which they ask after him, wanting to know where he is studying, have remarked, "Wow, that's about as far away from home as he could get!"

I feel pretty sure that my son decided upon this school because it represented the opportunity of a lifetime; however, after so many responses of this ilk, even I am beginning to wonder.

Only time will tell, I guess, but in the meantime do you have any suggestions for how I might respond? I have tried to be gracious and not defensive, but I'm beginning to lose my sense of humor about this.

GENTLE READER: There is no call to take this personally. Americans automatically assume that children can't bear to be with their parents, which has always struck Miss Manners as both peculiar and distasteful. Worse, there are now parents who -- perhaps to head off this unflattering assumption -- declare how happy they are to have empty nests.

Refuting the charge would indeed sound weak. Rather, you should show that the notion that your son's educational motive was to escape you is so far from true that you don't even understand the charge. With just a touch of sadness, you could say: "Yes, we both realized that is a disadvantage. But after all, it's the best school for what he wants to do."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was told that at a nice restaurant, a man should place his date's napkin on her lap. Is this proper?

GENTLE READER: Not if she is of legal age and capable of doing it for herself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently invited two old friends of mine to dinner so they could meet each other. I thought they would have a lot in common, and they do. They hit it off famously. Since the dinner, I have found out they have gotten together -- sans moi -- and I feel just the slightest twinge of jealousy.

In the past, I have heard other friends worry about this happening when they introduced friends to friends, and I always thought it was a silly concern, believing there was enough love to go around for everyone. Now that I am experiencing it, it doesn't feel so good.

My question, oh wise one, is whether I should have been included at a subsequent meeting (at least the initial one) they had after the dinner to recognize my connection to them both, or not?

GENTLE READER: If you are talking about a guest who gave a subsequent dinner party and included the new acquaintance but not you, Miss Manners would agree. But that part about hitting it off famously makes her suspect that a romance was intended and might be achieved.

Perhaps not, though, if they have to entertain you first. Give them a bit of time and privacy, and they may thank you all the more.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How strict is the rule that a gentleman never tells, and how categorically does it apply?

Naturally, it's gauche to discuss your sex life with strangers and casual acquaintances. But can one have a (sexual) confidante?

Here's my situation: I'm a newly single 30-year-old man after a six-year slog. I'm enjoying dating around, and I'm doing my best to approach my new relationships with respect and maturity.

My friend M---- and I were never close when we lived in the same city, but we've developed a stronger friendship over Facebook. We chat, we flirt, we joke about how it would be fun if we lived in the same city. (We're 600 miles apart, in different countries.)

She's also my sexual confidante. We talk -- graphically -- about our sex lives, encourage each other when we're feeling low, help each other avoid people who don't make us happy, and also talk a lot about our desires and how they may or may not be fulfilled by our current sexual partners. It's generally graphic and unfiltered, and also with sufficient personal identifying information that we don't protect the anonymity of our partners between us.

I don't really discuss my sex life explicitly with my close male friends, except perhaps to occasionally gloat that I'm happy with how it's going.

Am I violating a rule of etiquette by talking in detail with M----? If so, please elaborate. She's the sole person with whom I really run my mouth.

In general, how does etiquette apply differently to keeping a confidante?

GENTLE READER: In general, etiquette has an absolute rule against gossiping. Absolutely no one obeys it.

Therefore, the idea is not to get caught, especially on matters that violate the privacy or dignity of others, and most especially in intimate situations that presuppose mutual trust.

So how likely is it that your confidences will be revealed and hurt others?

Miss Manners supposes that you feel reassured that your friend lives 600 miles away in a different country, so she is not likely to see the same people you do, and that she confides in you, so it is in her interest to keep your trust.

But does she have other confidantes? And is she under the common delusion that nobody in public crowds is listening or would recognize names? How much of this did you put on Facebook, under the delusion that it will be kept private?

Miss Manners can't answer these questions, and neither can you. She can only tell you that if nothing leaks out, you can congratulate yourself on having a loyal confidante. If it does get out, you can consider yourself a cad.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I address a letter to The Honorable James Smith and Mrs. James Smith? Do I address the letter as The Honorable and Mrs. James Smith?

GENTLE READER: Not quite. Honorable he may be, but Miss Manners reminds you that he still needs a name. And you need three lines:

The Honorable

John Smith

and Mrs. Smith.

So you don't need "Mr." and you don't need to repeat "James." The form easily accommodates a lady who uses a different name. If she were the one who is, or was, a high government official, it would be:

The Honorable

Bettina Smith

and Mr. James Smith.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)