DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love doing most everything with my wife, but there are times I want to do things by myself. I can't even go fishing with my dad because she has to be always there. It gets so bad that I am unable to do anything without her there, which leads to not being able to do things with family members, hence my dad, friends, etc.

I know she loves doing the same things that I do, and that's great, but come on! How do I confront her to say enough is enough: I'm going to do this without you?

GENTLE READER: The essential thing that Miss Manners cannot do for you is to convince your wife that you love her and value her company even though you do not always want to act in tandem. "Enough is enough" is definitely not the proper approach.

The early stages of love, where the couple cannot bear to be apart for a minute, are so exciting that there is a temptation to extend this beyond its natural course. In the mid-20th century, this was known as "togetherness," a concept that led to a lot of marital strife. Shutting out the world and expecting to derive all satisfactions from one other person is not, in the long run, as charming as it sounds. Long-established couples who hang onto each other when out socially, complaining when they are separated even at the dinner table, appear more distrustful than doting.

Miss Manners is reminded of the foreshadowing of marital disaster in the version of "Ondine" by Jean Giraudoux: The besotted water-sprite Ondine rhapsodizes about inseparability, while Hans, the equally besotted but all-too-human knight-errant, pleads that sometimes he would just like to visit his horse. (True, he also admits that the horse is the most important -- and the most sensitive -- party of the knight-errant.)

It should be relatively easy for you to begin by pleading that your father occasionally wants one-on-one time with you. You would be well-advised to avoid making these be expeditions that are of particular appeal to your wife. You should also be encouraging her to see her family and friends on her own, while you, now and then, do the same.

Meanwhile, Miss Manners trusts that you will be showing your wife that she has your love and your loyalty, even if sometimes you do want to visit your horse.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Does one have to acknowledge apology gifts if one has no plans to accept the apology?

An ex-employee who burnt some bridges on the way out sent me a gift to apologize for his actions. His peace offering was not due to any newfound contrition, but because he wants to use me as a reference.

GENTLE READER: You cannot have it both ways -- accepting the peace offering and not thanking him -- not going further, in fact, and making peace.

If you do not wish to do this, Miss Manners insists that you send back the present with a stiff note saying that you cannot accept it. He is not likely to ask you for a reference after that.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: We had my husband's brother to our home for a meal, and when his brother finished his salad, he quickly lifted the bowl up to his mouth to drink the remaining salad dressing.

I was grossed out. I told my husband after that I was not at all pleased. He said just about everyone does it, but usually when no one else is around.

How do you tell someone that this action was distasteful to you? I hope he never does it in a restaurant.

GENTLE READER: What was in the salad dressing?

Never mind. What should have contained more vinegar was your response to your husband. You might suggest to him a few other activities that just about everyone does when no one else is around (although Miss Manners seriously doubts that drinking salad dressing is one of them).

Are these actions acceptable -- or some of them even legal -- when done in front of others? And were there not others present at the incident in question?

It may be easier to triumph over your husband than to reform a guest. If your brother-in-law attempts it again, you could say, "Wait, I'll get you a teacup for that."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: New technology brings new challenges. Does one have a reasonable expectation of privacy while communicating online with a family member?

A young relative and I video chatted when I was recovering from a cold. Had it not been my beloved niece calling, I would not have answered a video call in that condition.

At some point during the conversation, I realized that my niece was snapping pictures of me using her computer's camera and was posting them on Facebook. I asked her not to do that, partly because I felt ill and it showed.

She seemed genuinely perplexed as to why I would object, so I tried to explain that she took the pictures without my knowledge during a private conversation and that the "gotcha" pictures she posted on her page were potentially viewable by my own friends and colleagues.

It was not a family or social event where I would expect to be in pictures; it was a personal conversation. Besides, I take special care to monitor my online presence, since it is a vital tool in today's business and social worlds.

In my opinion, notification and permission are required. Just as one should inform a caller that she is on speakerphone and others are in the room -- or that the conversation is being recorded -- one should know when a conversation might include an unwanted photo session. I realize that by mutual agreement, this may not be necessary amongst her young friends.

My example involves a casual call with a dear family member, and I certainly don't wish to dampen her familial enthusiasm. However, there must be a way to use technology respectfully and responsibly.

On the other hand, perhaps I need to get with it and be prepared for my close-up at all times?

GENTLE READER: It is not just technology that changes, Miss Manners observes. We now have a generation to whom the concept of privacy is bewildering. So, to a great extent, is the distinction between presenting oneself in public, as opposed to just slopping around.

You will have to explain these concepts to your young relative, not only for your protection, but for hers. One by one, this generation is making the painful discovery that not everyone, in the wide world to which they expose themselves, finds them endearing.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My best friend is getting married, and I couldn't be happier for her. This past weekend she had an engagement party at the home she shares with her mother. My husband and I arrived early to help set up and stayed late to help clean, and we had a wonderful time.

I may have had too wonderful a time. The next morning I realized I had a little bit too much to drink at the party. I knew I wasn't falling all over the place but I may have been guilty of long-winded storytelling.

When I asked my husband his opinion on how I behaved toward the latter end of the party, he confirmed my suspicions, adding that I "downed that last glass of wine" as I was leaving. No other social infractions occurred, but I am so embarrassed. I called to apologize to my best friend and she chuckled and thanked us for our help, kindly glossing over my faux pas.

I still feel foolish. Should I send a note of apology to her mother? She was on the receiving end of a long-winded story or two and may have witnessed the wine guzzling as I exited.

GENTLE READER: Ah, yes, the classic Day-After Dilemma.

Do you pretend that nothing unusual happened, and risk having observers presume that this is your normal behavior? Or do you apologize, and risk alerting those who failed to notice? (We will not go into the question of why your husband didn't offer you the comfort of saying, "It wasn't so bad -- I'm sure nobody really noticed.")

Miss Manners recommends writing the mother to say what a lovely party it was and how happy you are for your friend. Omit any statement of having enjoyed yourself, which could bring on the thought of yes, you certainly did.

You may be sure that if the mother noticed this, she mentioned it to her daughter, who has already shown herself to be gracious enough to dismiss it and to explain that it is atypical for you. Your having behaved well the next day by thanking your hostess should act in your favor.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was recently contacted by my former sister-in-law via a social network. I met and married her brother in college (over 35 years ago) when she was just a little girl.

I've been divorced for years, but heard (through the grapevine) that her brother passed away several years back. They never tried to contact my son with this info.

Is it appropriate for me to ask what happened to my ex-husband, my son's father? What if he had some type of illness that my son could inherit?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but it is something of a rebuff to make that your only concern to someone who has indicated that you still matter to her. Miss Manners presumes that the family was under instructions not to be in touch, even to the extreme extent of not letting your son know of his father's death. Expressions of appreciation for her approach and condolences for her loss should create an opening for you and your son to make the many other inquiries that he, at least, must have.

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