DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are football fans, but we do not watch the Thanksgiving football games, choosing instead to talk with all of the family members gathered for the holiday.

My aunt and uncle who live nearby feel that watching football is part of the tradition. Last Thanksgiving, while I was getting ready to set the meal on the table, they sent my mother in to ask if they could turn on the game. (None of the other guests asked.)

I said that I would rather not, since we had family we had not seen in over a year who had traveled a great distance to be here, and I wanted to talk with them without the television. Also, I have a toddler whom I do not allow to watch television.

We have a small house and only one television (which is in the living room, where we would be eating. It is the only room large enough to accommodate large family gatherings.) If we had another room where they could have watched without disturbing the rest of us, I would have said yes.

I could see that my aunt and uncle were clearly annoyed and anxious, to the point where they began asking my mom in our native language (I guess forgetting that I also understand it) if they could go over to her house to watch the game. This upset my husband and me greatly.

This year, I hoped that my aunt would host Thanksgiving. First, I thought it would only be fair, since I hosted last year. Second, she and my uncle could have the television on all day and I would not say a word. (It is their house, after all.) However, my aunt asked me to host again, saying that she cannot host this year.

I really do not want to have the same problem this year, especially since my uncle angered my husband and me earlier this year when he called our decision to not let our toddler watch television "idiotic" and "nonsense." This whole TV issue is becoming a charged one, and I don't want it to interfere with this holiday.

What should I do? Just turn the television on (to satisfy them but annoy my husband and myself)? Do what I did last year and accept the consequences? I hope that you can provide a third, more peaceful, option.

GENTLE READER: That would be issuing fair warning. "Auntie, dear," Miss Manners suggests that you say, "you are good to put up with our prejudices about television. I know you don't share them, but if you are willing to come to us anyway, we are delighted to have you."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Someone who constantly buts in "I know" when you're having a discussion on just about any topic.

GENTLE READER: If Miss Manners were to ?nish your sentence, she would say "... should be paired with someone who has the conversational quirk of repeatedly saying, "You know."

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife has been getting more active with our ?rst-grade son's PTO. At a committee meeting at a member's house, the woman hosting the event, in making idle chit-chat, asked my wife how many kids we have.

Three, she answers, giving the ages: 13, 6, and 2. (We're both 37, so admittedly, we were young when our oldest daughter was born.)

The woman, a well-heeled stay-at-home mother in our slightly bohemian neighborhood, pauses and then says, "May I ask a personal question? Are all three by the same man?"

Uh, yeah...

My wife relayed the story to me when she got home. At ?rst we we're both slightly amused, but as we've chewed on it for a day or so, we couldn't help but be deeply offended by the question, no matter what the motivation for asking it may have been.

How do we let her know that we thought the question was rude without acting like confrontational jerks?

GENTLE READER: It is a bit late now for a comeback, Miss Manners is afraid. Any protest would indicate that you did not ?nd the question so outrageously rude as to be ridiculous, and the offender could say that she meant that perhaps there had been an earlier marriage.

At the time, however, Miss Manners would have been tempted to look at her wide-eyed and said: "I don't know. How can one tell?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a proper length of time to stay or a proper way to exit as the guest at a small dinner gathering (say, three to eight people)? We've attended seated (one course plus dessert) dinners that have gone on for nearly four hours -- long after dessert is done. We sincerely appreciate the hospitality and are always gracious guests, but are we obligated to stay until the host excuses us?

Also, what about for invites for an early dinner, say, 5 p.m. on a Sunday? At 7:30 p.m., "It's getting late" doesn't seem appropriate, but are we obligated to spend the entire evening?

GENTLE READER: No, and standing up saying, "We've had such a lovely time, thank you for a wonderful evening" works at any hour.

It may help to remember that even the warmest hosts are not insulted if their guests do not stay forever.

Miss Manners must also remind hosts to do their part, not by dismissing their guests, but by getting them away from the table. The custom of having the hostess suggest that the ladies withdraw, ostensibly to leave the gentlemen to their port and ribald jokes, but really to allow the ladies to use the bathroom, was rightly abolished on the grounds of equality. Instead, the hosts must suggest that everyone return to the living room for coffee.

Personally, Miss Manners thinks it would have been more just to allow everyone a chance at the bathroom. At any rate, getting up allows them to down one round of coffee and go home.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work for a financial services company. We are not on Wall Street and don't adhere to the strict dress codes you would expect there; in fact, we have a somewhat casual dress code.

Because I'm in a position where I regularly interact with the CEO (who almost always wears ties and often suits) and other executives, and because I could possibly be in front of the media on any given day, I tend to dress more formally than many people here. I love getting dressed up, enjoy wearing jewelry and usually choose to wear dresses or suits.

On a recent day, when I was wearing a suit jacket, my supervisor commented about my clothes, saying something like, "My, you're awfully dressed up today."

I found his comment to be odd, in part because I was taught not to comment on anyone's clothes unless you're giving a compliment. His comment also prompted me to pause and wonder if I'm dressing up too much and possibly making him uncomfortable. He generally wears what I would call fairly casual clothes, unless he has specific meetings that call for a necktie, etc.

Is it rude of me to dress up in a way that's often more formal than the clothes worn by my boss? Is it simply not the smartest thing to do?

GENTLE READER: It amazes Miss Manners that there is, in general, less tolerance for every day formality than for the lack of it. Gentlemen who show up properly dressed for any but the most casual of occasions are inevitably ordered to remove their ties and jackets.

There is indeed such a thing as overdressing, but that is when one ignores the conventions of the situation: the equivalent of ignoring the conventions by underdressing.

As you have explained, you are dressed to do your job, which requires meeting with formally dressed executives and representing the company to the media. You could explain that to your supervisor, or you could simply say good-naturedly, "This IS my casual look; you should see my dressed-up look."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone does something for me I say "thank you" to them, and I have noted some younger people respond by saying "no problem."

Is the response "no problem" an appropriate response to my "thank you"? I personally find the term "no problem" to be negative and inappropriate.

What is an appropriate response for me when someone responds to my "thank you" with "no problem"?

GENTLE READER: It does not require an answer, but it does require an adjustment.

It is true that the traditional resonse to "thank you" is, in English, "you're welcome." In some languages, it is an equally traditional declaration that there was nothing for which to thank -- a version of "no problem," which slipped into common American discourse a decade or so ago.

Mind you, Miss Manners is not crazy about this sort of messing around with the conventions. Once people stop using polite expressions automatically, they start analyzing them and, often as not, attributing unpleasant motivations. And although "no problem" grates on her as well as you, she knows it is not ill meant.

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