DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just got engaged, purposely have not told coworkers and don't wear my (gorgeous) engagement ring to work. Why? I do not want NOSEY coworkers getting into my personal business. I work with a group of jealous, immature, bitter women who revel in gossiping about and tearing other people down because their lives are so miserable (failed marriages, unhappy households, financial troubles, problems with children, professional jealousy, etc.) and as such, do not share in your happiness.

Secondly, as I plan the wedding, I do not want my every move to be scrutinized and don't want INTENTIONAL interferences inflicted upon me by my malicious, narcissistic, envious, spiteful, childish boss (who sadistically delights in causing misery to others and has made attempts before to interfere with my personal plans out of pure jealousy).

In a nutshell, she is boss from Hell! There are some good things about her, but the bad far outweighs the good.

And finally, I do not plan to invite the boss (the thought of her being of part of my day makes me violently ill) but will invite only two people who I am close to from my immediate office (and are confidants of the boss).

I won't reveal my wedding until maybe two to three months before the actual wedding date to avoid as much as possible the foreseeable drama that will follow (nosiness, fake friendliness from some seeking an invite, cold-shoulder from those that won't be).

How do I handle nosey coworkers without going ballistic or telling them "to stay out of my business!!!!!!"? And am I committing suicide by not inviting my boss?

GENTLE READER: Being astute at picking up subtexts, Miss Manners senses that you do not find the ladies at your work place to be congenial. Just a guess.

Well, you are otherwise in luck, because you need not confide your wedding plans nor invite them to the wedding. Even if you had warmed up to them as far as indifference, you would be justified in omitting them. A wedding belongs in one's private, not professional life, and should be discussed and enjoyed with your friends (even if also they happen to work alongside you) and relatives.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an issue with my daughter's boyfriend, age 30, not saying hello when he enters my home. The other day he just walked in and stood there until someone (not me) greeted him.

He also has the habit of NOT saying goodbye when he leaves. I've asked him more than once to please say goodbye when he leaves (I have not mentioned about saying hello), so I know he is going or is gone. He occasionally says goodbye now but never hello.

GENTLE READER: You are not allowed to bring up your daughter's beau, which is just as well, since you do not seem to be making a success of it.

However, you are allowed to egg her on to do so. Miss Manners wishes you luck.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Facebook is out of control. There are way too many people in this world trying to be your friend when you don't necessarily want them to be.

What is the appropriate way to let someone know that you don't want to be their friend on Facebook?

It's easy if you don't even know the person and they are trying to link up with you because of a mutual friend. I just ignore them. But when it is someone you do know and perhaps know very well but haven't seen or spoken to in, let's say, 20 years, what is the proper tact with that one?

GENTLE READER: Send your long-lost friend a postcard -- an actual post card, with a stamp and a handwritten message, saying it was nice to hear from him. On Facebook, nothing. Oh, and no return address on the card.

Miss Manners trusts that this will be profoundly confusing to the recipient. You have not snubbed him, but you seem to have taken his offer of friendship literally, when he only wanted to rack up numbers, make you peek at his life and perhaps peek at yours.

Why (he will wonder) have you answered in such an archaic way, instead of just clicking? Surely you do not expect him to make a similar effort?

You may leave him with that mystery and make no further effort.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The food court in my office building is often visited by teenagers at the nearby high school during lunch. Generally, the behavior of this particular demographic is deplorable. They are often loud and obnoxious, butting in line, crowding entrance ways, etc.

Last week, I witnessed two students blatantly stealing soda from the fountain using small condiment cups provided by the vendor. Unfortunately, the proprietor did not notice, as they were busy responding to the lunch rush.

At first I stood in their way to deter them from their inappropriate actions, but when they continued with their actions, and were laughing and joking about getting away with it, I turned to them and said, "You should pay for what you have taken. Shall I inform the owner?"

They were shocked at being held accountable for their actions, said no and abruptly went and sat down with their friends.

I know that you consider it rude to intercede when others are acting inappropriately, but if children are not learning manners from their parents, shouldn't they be confronted with the consequences of their actions?

GENTLE READER: Stealing, even such petty stealing as this, is a violation of morals rather than manners, and Miss Manners never told you that you couldn't attempt to halt a crime.

However, there are risks in making a citizen's arrest, as it were. Miss Manners attributes your success in issuing a warning that made the wrongdoers slink away to -- she presumes -- a gentle tone. Anything harsher could easily have brought on a conspicuously rude retaliation.

But you did let them get away with what they already had. If you want to do your duty to uphold the law, you should alert the owner or manager of the food court and let him handle it.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 40 years old, and by a series of unfortunate events and three broken engagements in the past two decades, still a single woman. This is not necessarily a status that I celebrate.

I am accepting of it for now, but I would like people to understand that I do not come to this place in my life by choice. The common misconceptions are that I am either much too picky or that I somehow enjoy being a free, single woman. Neither is true. Only my close friends understand how painful it is for me to be alone at this stage of my life.

At weddings, I just dread having to dodge yet another "throwing of the bouquet" tradition, where it seems everyone at the reception thinks it's fun to shove any single female, including toddlers, out on the dance floor to battle for that "prize."

At what point do they realize that I don't want to bring attention to the fact that I'm single? The tragedy and embarrassment of it for me has long outlived the original ceremonial spirit of this youthful custom.

GENTLE READER: That you find this custom silly and dislike being pushed into it, Miss Manners can understand. But that is the only thing you have stated that she does understand.

Why should you be embarrassed to be single? But since you are embarrassed, why do you object to people thinking that you enjoy your life? And why would you not want it known that you are single when attending a social event where there might be eligible gentlemen?

However, Miss Manners' job is to answer the question. If you are pushed forward, take the hand of one of those toddlers --whose presence incidentally shows that no one but you takes this seriously -- and help her catch the bouquet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For my daughter's birthday, we take her to the state fair and let her select what she wants to eat and what she wants to do (to some extent), and a close friend or two to enjoy the day with.

My husband and I feel that letting her do something special that she enjoys celebrates her birthday better than a party and avoids the traditional birthday-party problems.

However, my parents and my husband's parents are appalled by the idea. They say it's not "special" enough for our daughter, and that the point of a party is so they can partake in celebrating.

We have invited them to participate in our birthday plans, but the idea of walking around the fair is unappealing to them and they refuse to come. They insist that we throw a big bash for our daughter so they can indulge her with presents and attention.

Is there a way to break off this standoff? Should we throw a party for our daughter so her grandparents can have their wishes? Or is it enough that we celebrate her birthday in a way that we, and our daughter, enjoy?

GENTLE READER: Have you expressed your delight that the grandparents want to do something special for your daughter?

Of course you should not dream of depriving her of the annual treat she enjoys with you. But what should prevent the grandparents from giving her another celebration?

Miss Manners trusts that they have the will and the energy to cope with those traditional birthday-party problems -- such as choosing between overcrowding and hurting those left out, nagging guests to respond, figuring out what will amuse everyone and so on.

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