DEAR MISS MANNERS: You probably won't even consider this letter, but I don't mind. I started this school year with great optimism, hoping to avoid any drama, and it seems to have backfired on me.

I love science. The year before I made sure that those were the only kinds of classes that I was going to get and I did get my classes only to end up falling for the teacher teaching one of my classes, Biology 2.

He's six years older than me, and he seems to be the ideal man for any girl. I fall in deeper as the days go by but I understand that there can be nothing between us, that it is impossible because he and I have our separate lives and goals, we are going in opposite directions. I know that what I feel is fake, I know that it's a crush, but I doubt it because crushes don't last a whole year and when I am with him I'm really happy.

Is it really OK for me to feel this way about my teacher? I would like to have your opinion.

GENTLE READER: Nevertheless, you are correct that this letter is one that Miss Manners should not consider. From the etiquette point of view, how you feel is your business as long as you behave yourself.

But heck, lovelorn advisers often presume to dispense etiquette advice. No doubt Miss Manners' advice to the lovelorn will be of the same quality.

You cannot, of course, embarrass your teacher -- and probably endanger his job -- by flirting with him. But as you love science, it would seem reasonable of you to become a biologist. If you work really hard at it and win the Nobel Prize and return to campus to tell this teacher that you owe it all to him, Miss Manners promises that he will find you irresistible. Presuming that by that time, he has not acquired a wife and six children.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I frequently eat at restaurants. It is common for waiters -- or even the manager -- to ask during or after the meal whether we like the food. Sometimes, when the food is not good, I say so. What usually follows is an overblown show of concern that I find disingenuous and unproductive. Eager to avoid this sort of scene, I often lie and say "everything is fine," even when it isn't.

This works well, but my wife and I are expecting our first daughter soon, and I don't like the idea of casually lying in front of her once she is old enough to understand.

What is a polite, truthful way of answering the question "How do you like the food?" without instigating an overblown response?

GENTLE READER: "It is satisfactory, thank you."

Presumably this is truthful, because you are eating the food, and if it were unsatisfactory, you should have sent it back. Such a tepid comment will expose the question for what it is -- brazen fishing for compliments.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son got married two years ago, and please keep in mind that my daughter-in-law and I have never had a falling out. We've stayed at their house overnight and were treated wonderfully. We get along fine because I do not want to be a meddling mother-in-law.

However, I've got some situations that I do not know how to handle.

1-First, tell me, am I wrong for believing that the bride should acknowledge her groom's side of the family with a thank you note for gifts, rather than making the groom write the thank you? The way they handled it, she wrote the thank-yous to her side of the family and my son wrote the notes to his side. Is this the acceptable way now?

2-Does that also hold true like on Mother's Day? Only my son acknowledges me on Mother's Day with a phone call, but the both of them acknowledge her mother and both her grandmothers each year by taking them out to brunch or hosting a brunch at their home. Even though we live in another state, I felt slighted again this year on Mother's Day when all I received was a phone call from my son, no card, nothing. I was brought up to respect both our mothers on Mother's Day with at least a card, and it was always the wife's duty to keep the list and remember to buy the cards or whatever.

3-Would I be out of line by sending a thank-you note to my son thanking him for the phone call? I love my son dearly, and it's not that I expect a gift, but I don't think it's very nice to call me up and tell me what they are doing for the other mothers and all I get is a "Happy Mother's Day."

4-I really need some answers because I feel that when they start having a family, I will be slighted again where the children are concerned.

GENTLE READER: Unless you heed Miss Manners' advice, you will indeed receive more slights. That is because you are manufacturing them yourself, and she is advising you to stop.

The premise on which you base your grievances -- that a wife assumes all social duties because the husband is the sole wage-earner -- has long been defunct. Couples sensibly decide for themselves who does what, and dividing correspondence by family is both common and sensible. You wouldn't care to have Mother's Day acknowledged by a card from your daughter-in-law and ignored by your son.

So if you expect more than a telephone call, you should deal with him. And not by a thank you letter if you intend that as a reprimand.

Try saying "Your Mother's Day excursions sound so delightful that I'd love to join you some time. Would it be convenient for me to visit at that time? Or if it turns out that I'm not able to, I'll settle for a card."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were recently in an automobile accident. How should I answer when people ask, "Who was at fault?" I feel it is none of their business.

GENTLE READER: And yet Miss Manners warns you that telling them so would not only be rude, but would convince them that you are unrepentant reckless drivers.

You might say, "Oh, we're not going to dwell on that. We are not litigious people." This would be equally true if you do not intend suing others and if you hope they do not intend suing you.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a university student living in a semi-detached house with several other students. The couple living in the other half of the house have two small children, who they allow to play on our driveway and lawn constantly (which isn't a big deal).

However, their 6-year-old has developed a habit of coming up to our front door (which is glass and looks directly into our living room) and asking us to play with her. Yesterday, she went so far as to open it, stick her head into our house, and ask me what I was doing. She did this several times within an hour.

The parents are aware of their daughter's behavior and seem to be under the impression that since we're students, this is somehow appropriate. Clearly, the little girl means no harm, but it would be nice to be able to sit in our living room after she comes home from school without being interrupted several times.

I know that correcting the manners of others is rude, but how can we handle the situation in a way that is polite and kind to the little girl but that might discourage this behavior?

GENTLE READER: A little girl of Miss Manners' acquaintance, who actually lived in university quarters -- her parents were the resident faculty -- used to speak yearningly of the day she would have homework. It seemed an odd wish until one understood how she spent her afternoons.

Upon returning from kindergarten, she would approach whichever students were hanging around. As she was rather a pet of theirs, they would play with her for a short time. When they got bored, they would excuse themselves, each always saying, "I have to go do my homework."

So the little girl came to believe that homework was something even more entertaining than playing. Not a bad lesson.

You should tell your little neighbor (and you will have to do this more than once, so you should also tell her parents) that you like her very much, but you rarely have time to play because you all have a tremendous amount of homework. Because you have a glass door, you will also have to explain that sometimes homework requires talking things over or just thinking, and no, the football game in the background does not interfere with your concentration.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it not redundant to say "Please RSVP" since the French "please" is already extant in the acronym? Should not one just say "RSVP to (contact)"?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but considering how cavalierly (which is to say rudely) people treat invitations nowadays, Miss Manners can hardly blame the hosts for pleading. She would not be surprised to see them on their knees saying, "Pretty please."

You should know that there are people who claim not to understand the entire phrase. For clarity, and also for patriotic reasons, Miss Manners prefers using "Please respond to..." or, in the case of formal invitations, "The favor of a reply is requested."

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