DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always been taught that finances and expenses are topics that should not be inquired about, due to their obviously sensitive nature, especially in an economy like ours.

The problem I am facing is that I dog-sit for people in my college community (professors, landlords, etc.) and know that I will, in all likelihood, have to continue dog sitting when I graduate this spring with a BA in fashion, even if I can find a job.

While this doesn't bother me (sometimes I like dogs better than people), I face the question, "How much would you like to be paid?" I understand it's a very necessary question, but I never know what to say. I don't have a set price, and I'm willing to work around the budgets of people I know and like. I am never certain of any clients' finances, and I refuse to inquire.

I suppose I am stuck between setting a price and changing it for some, which may appear like I'm doing charity, or leaving payment open, where it might get around that I charge differently for different people, which would be just as bad, if not worse. I suppose it comes down to my looking for a polite and tactful way to ease into the subject of finances without offending, being underpaid or appearing greedy.

GENTLE READER: So there you are, with an etiquette stand-off because you can't ask your clients about their financial situations, and you also can't name a price, because it depends on what they can afford.

But meanwhile, the dogs are jumping about nervously near the front door, desperate to get out. Miss Manners will make haste.

Fix a price and name it. If a client seems to falter, you can adjust it by adding, "but Wordsworth here qualifies for a scholarship" and naming a lower price.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My birthday is coming up next month. I love having parties every year, but this year I'm a little stressed out: I got my invitations about a month ago because I saw them and absolutely loved them. I told one of my friends that isn't as close to me as many of my other friends because I was pretty sure I was going to invite her.

Now that I need to start sending out invitations, I'm not so sure I want to invite her anymore. I don't want her feel left out or for her to think I'm mean, and I especially don't want not inviting her to be a sin. Now whether or not to invite her is always on my mind. Should I invite her? Is it a sin if I don't?

GENTLE READER: If it's your 14th birthday, your mother would tell you that once you announced the party to a prospective guest, you were obliged to invite her. How could she not feel left out if you told her about the party and then left her out?

If you are older, Miss Manners should not have to remind you that the rule is still in effect.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Will you come to my rescue and share with me a wise and prudent response to the "wisdom" that comes sometimes from the mouths of mere babes?

Such as when I pick my 4-year-old up from day care, and one of her little classmates observes, quite loudly and openly, "You have a big belly."

What can you say in response to that, without setting another bad example yourself? I don't quite feel right instructing the offender in proper social behavior, and I want to set a good example for my child of being comfortable with my body image.

GENTLE READER: One lesson at a time, please. How would you demonstrate that you are proud of your body while also chastising the person who drew attention to it?

Miss Manners suggests that you confuse the classmate by saying, "Thank you." Thus, the offense will pass unnoticed by your daughter until later, when you explain to her that it is rude to comment about other people's appearances. Any discussion you want to have about your pride in your belly should be saved for still later.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was always taught that when eating, to close the lips over the fork or spoon. Lately I have noticed several TV ads that have happy people eating some delightful dish that has been advertised, and drawing the food from their teeth with a big smile on their faces and their teeth bared. For some reason, this makes me shudder! What is the proper (mannerly) way to do this?

GENTLE READER: With the television set off. You were taught properly, and if there are to be revisions in manners, Miss Manners promises you that they will not be announced through behavior demonstrated in television advertisements.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can we convince a family who live on an adjacent street to park there -- in front of their own home? Our quiet little street has a limited amount of parking around our cul de sac. Many of us need to park in front of our houses because of disabilities. The people who "hog" our street with their cars have to climb several steps to enter their house from the front street level, so they prefer to park on our street and walk a few steps through the alley to their back entrance. That means we have to sometimes park in front of their house, especially late at night, and then walk on their street to another street and then turn onto our street. These offensive folk would only have to walk up steps and they are home.

Not only do they prevent us from parking, but they block our guests, tradesmen, landscape and other workmen who have heavy equipment or large items to deliver. And they will leave a car parked in one spot for weeks at a time.

GENTLE READER: When asking for a courtesy, it is best to put words like "hog" out of your mind and your vocabulary. You understand, Miss Manners trusts, that these are public streets, and you have no legal claim to the space.

Since there seem to be several people on your street who are inconvenienced, perhaps you could arrange a small gathering where you could all become better acquainted with your neighbors. Food, drink, pleasant chit-chat, and only then "By the way, I wonder if you could find parking nearer to your house..."

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work for a very large U.S.-based corporation where I was involved in a discussion involving plans for a luncheon. An individual involved with the planning had selected one of the most expensive restaurants in the city.

I politely objected. I suggested that given the unfortunate economic situation we are experiencing in our country, it was inappropriate to have such a "lavish" event hosted by such a well-known corporation.

My thoughts are based primarily on issues of politeness rather than public relations. Would you be so kind to provide your thoughts on this matter?

GENTLE READER: The distinction you make, between politeness and public relations, is an interesting one. Miss Manners fears that you may mean that the former is being considerate of others, while the latter is merely giving that appearance.

In a perfect world, the two would be the same. In an imperfect world, politeness is not always the result of pure good-heartedness, but shares the incentive of wanting to make a good appearance.

The important difference here is that etiquette also believes in adhering to standards for their own sake, without regard to whether that impresses others. Notably, it believes in modesty and restrained good taste, concepts that public relations might easily dismiss as being counterproductive to getting people's attention and demonstrating one's power and wealth.

But this happens to be a time when the public has reason to embrace those concepts. A bad economic situation makes ostentation look callous, rather than enviably successful. It doesn't even look genuine now that everyone has seen so many lavish spenders caught in bankruptcy or fraud.

Notice that Miss Manners is making the case in terms of public relations, not etiquette, as you asked and had a right to expect. She just figured that saying that ostentation --for example, spending more on each lunch than your low-ranking employees might spend for the week's groceries-- is always in bad taste would not impress your colleagues. That it would anger those employees and make the general public suspicious is an argument they might understand.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who throws home parties quite regularly in which different products are sold. Along with the invitation, she asks me to bring a dish for her guests. She also asks this of me for her children's birthday parties.

I can't help but feel like this is a bit tacky, since in going to either kind of party, you are expected to purchase something (this seems to be an unspoken etiquette "do"). After all, guests who are invited to a wedding would never be expected to bring a dish to pass. Am I feeling overly offended?

GENTLE READER: No, but you are overly optimistic. In fact, the idea of guests-as-caterers has spread to some weddings, and the idea of guests as customers and donors is everywhere. Miss Manners asks you not to call this "unspoken etiquette" when the proper term would be "unspeakable."

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