DEAR MISS MANNERS: You see a lot of cleavage in all sorts of settings these days, and most of it has been exposed proudly and purposely, so I'm used to trying to ignore such things. I'm sure it is none of my business to point out unwise clothing choices, even if I find it the overexposure embarrassing or offensive.

If there's a chance that person is unaware that he/she's unintentionally exposed a private part of his/her body, it's another matter and makes me feel that I should do something to help if I can.

Yesterday, I stopped to get gas and while standing next to my car, looked over at a young woman who was squatting beside her car putting air into her tire. Her back was to me. She was wearing medical scrubs, which had slipped down to a really embarrassing position, exposing part of her lower back and derriere. It was pretty clear she wasn't wearing underwear.

I thought, "No one wants to see that kind of cleavage," but noticed several other customers had noticed and were amused at the view. I thought about saying something to her so she could pull up her pants and stop the show, but what? She knew she left the house without underwear and the breezy cool day should have signaled her that she had way too much exposed. I suppose there was a chance she didn't know, but just as a good a chance that she knew and didn't really care.

I thought about strolling over to block the view of her back from the other customers, but didn't want to call any more attention to her. I ended up looking away and doing nothing. I felt bad about it.

I have girls this age and would hate to think of strangers ogling them that way. We used to see similar examples of all kinds of cleavage overexposure on a regular basis at a college where I worked. Students would gather between classes right outside our windows. Girls in low-waisted jeans would sit on a brick ledge and boys would gather on the sidewalk in back of them to take in the view.

Most of those girls really didn't care. I know this because some of the female faculty tried to talk with them discreetly and were rudely dismissed until they finally gave up trying. What should I have done in these situations?

GENTLE READER: Do, please, hold onto that realization that you cannot go around policing the dress code. It would be rude, as well as what you have already discovered -- futile.

If you promise Miss Manners to confine yourself to cases where you have good reason to assume that the revelations are unintentional, she will allow you to whisper, "I don't know if you realize that you have an audience."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When escorting a lady down the aisle, as in a wedding, which is the correct position of the man's right forearm? Is it horizontal across the front or down near the right side? I did the former. Was I correct? A cupcake and a glass of punch is riding on your answer.

GENTLE READER: You are correct, but Miss Manners begs you to let go of the lady before you get overly triumphant and slosh punch on her nice dress.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been very fortunate to have been given a lovely, very full set of family silver, which I would like to put to good use. After some research, I have identified all the different pieces, and I seem to have a dozen pickle forks but no oyster forks.

Miss Manners, forgive my ignorance, what does one use a pickle fork to eat? Do people actually only eat pickles with them? Was there a time when people ate more pickles than they do now?

I associate pickles with outdoor barbeques, not a dinner with silver. My whole family (including the relative who gifted me the silver) is at a loss. Would it be terribly gauche of me to use a pickle fork as an oyster fork instead, so as to get more use out of it?

GENTLE READER: You mean you don't give pickle parties? Well, for goodness' sake, what do you do for fun?

Neither did your ancestors, Miss Manners is guessing. It is true that pickles used to come to the table, rather than being kept outdoors, but not because people sat around making their lips puckered. Pickle forks were used to spear pickles from a pickle dish, unless pickle tongs were being used to spear pickles from a pickle castor.

You could indeed use the three-tined ones as oyster forks, or, if yours have two tines, you could use them as butter picks. Miss Manners is the only person who would notice the substitution, and she promises not to tell.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I volunteer for an organization that helps unemployed women re-enter the workplace. Every year, we hold a silent auction event that raises more than half of the organization's annual budget, and I approach businesses to donate goods or services toward the silent auction. I initially approach the owner or manager by e-mail with a follow-up telephone call and then another follow-up e-mail -- all very clear on why I am contacting them and thanking them in advance for their consideration.

It is amazing to me how many -- the vast majority -- of these businesses do not respond at all! A simple "No, thank you" or "We are unable to participate at this time" would be sufficient. I understand that they may receive many such requests, but to ignore them is frustrating and rude.

Don't they understand that I am a potential customer of their business and the bad impression that this behavior leaves? I thought that, with the difficult economy, businesses would improve their customer service and basic manners. What gives?

GENTLE READER: Far be it from Miss Manners to countenance any failure to respond -- to invitations, presents, favors and other such kindly offers.

But admirable people who are involved with charities tend to forget that an offer to contribute is not really an offer -- it is a solicitation. In such a case, silence is a response. It should be accepted gracefully -- without the sly insinuation that you might become their customer in return for donations -- if for no other reason than that you may want to try them again.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: For some time now, I have been wondering how you respond to the question "Where are you from?" if you are not really from one place. I am half American and half Arab. I was born in the Arab country, but I have lived both there and America, and English is my native language.

If I am living in America and someone asks me where I am from, giving the other country will make it seem as though I am a foreigner when I'm not. And if I am in the Arab country, saying that is where I am from always causes people to ask me why I don't speak Arabic.

In the future, I am planning on living in a state other than the one I have previously lived, so if I stay there for a significant amount of time -- say, 10 years -- is it correct to say I am from this new state? Or is where you are from referring to your hometown? I am quite confused about this.

GENTLE READER: That is because you are trying so earnestly to answer a question that is probably offhand, although occasionally impertinent. The problem is not that you have mixed ancestry and have lived in several places -- most of the American population has -- but because you are not looking at why you were asked.

Here is a Miss Manners rule: Don't pay close attention to opening questions from new acquaintances. They are only trying to get the conversation started. Most of them, that is. She will get to the others afterward.

Depending on what you would enjoy discussing, you might name the country where you were born and say that although you live here, you've just been on an interesting trip back there; or you could name the state where you've been living and say that you are sad or happy to leave it; or you could say you're moving to the new state and say why. If none of these approaches appeals to you, you could respond, "I've moved around a lot. Where are you from?"

It is only if there are persistent follow-up questions in an attempt to lead the conversation in a nosy direction that the inquiry should be considered offensive. "No, where are you really from?" is a tip-off, with its insinuation that the true ethnic or national identity is being hidden and the outrageous suggestion that it must be disclosed to a new acquaintance.

The answer to that is a conversation stopper ("I'm sorry you don't believe me") and the signal that it is time to start a conversation with someone else.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a polite way to tell my boss that "thx" instead of "thank you" or even "thanks" at the end of an e-mail kind of defeats the purpose? Thx.

GENTLE READER: Yr wlcm. And it is going to get worse as written English twitters away. Miss Manners is sorry to have to tell you that you are bound by the rule against criticizing others, and the likely consequences of criticizing your boss.

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