DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I enjoy the close friendship of another couple with whom we frequently socialize. Our social interactions range from expensive restaurant dinners to simple, little-or-no-cost coffee-and-cake get-togethers at each others' homes or family park outings with our children. Traditionally, each couple pays their own way at events that cost money. Whoever initiates the event generally has given the other a brief heads-up, such as "Do you want to take our kids to this concert? It costs $10 for adults, $5 for children," or "Should we try XYZ Restaurant? It's a little on the pricey side but supposed to be very good."

The primary purpose of our get-togethers is usually the enjoyment of each others' company, with the event or meal a fun secondary consideration. Sometimes, we all socialize with other couples, and at these get-togethers, the primary purpose may or may not be the event instead of the company.

Recently, the husband of this other couple lost his job. Since then, my husband and I have proposed only get-togethers of the variety that cost little or no money, making no mention of money at all. However, I fear the time will soon come when other couples may suggest pricier get-togethers where the pricey event will be the primary purpose.

In such a situation, is it kinder to invite our friends with the job loss, or refrain from inviting them? If we do invite them, is it kinder to give them a brief heads-up regarding the cost of the event, as we traditionally have done, or to make no mention of money at all?

GENTLE READER: The unemployed have the time and the frame of mind to brood. And Miss Manners assures you that the first time they hear of being left out of an excursion by the crowd that used to invite them, they will think they have been callously dropped.

You are tactful to suggest get-togethers that are free or cheap, although you ought also to continue your custom of mentioning any cost. Now, more than ever, they need to know. With other invitations, you should trust them to decide for themselves, rather than making it obvious that their reduced circumstances have altered the way you think of them, however kindly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I frequently receive forwarded e-mails from family and friends that are verifiably fictitious. The e-mails implore the reader to "send this to everyone you know" or that "ABC company will donate 32 cents for every forwarded e-mail toward the care of Jane Doe who is 10 years old and needs an operation."

Would it be rude to reply to the sender and inform them that these charitable requests are just a hoax or let them continue to clutter up everyone's e-mail boxes?

GENTLE READER: Not to mention being fleeced themselves. Can Miss Manners trust you to do this without mentioning or implying that they are suckers? "I've heard that this is a scam -- you might check it out," is more tactful.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: With the use of online chatting and social networks like Facebook, some people feel comfortable sharing their current state of mind on away messages or status messages. For instance, a friend of mine had the following message up: "The misery just doesn't end. Yet another bad week." Another friend had this message up: "Good to know I've found the person I might be ready to settle down with."

When I asked the first friend why she was having a bad week, she said that "things" have been happening lately. I tried to get a little more information from her, but realized she wasn't really providing me with any, so I backed off and just told her I hope things would get better.

She later mentioned in the online conversation that I was not a good "conversationalist." Am I supposed to beg people for information from now on?

As for my friend who thought announcing a soon-to-be fiancee was an appropriate thing to do on Facebook, I tried asking him about his status as well. His response was that he would prefer to keep things on the "down low" for now and that his status message was not an invitation for people to pry into his business.

Am I going crazy here, or are people really sending mixed signals? It seems to me that some people purposely try to get you to ask them questions, but when you do, they brush you off or act like YOU are the one prying into their business, even when they opened the door in the first place. Why is it so hard to be a good friend these days? Help!

GENTLE READER: Your friends are turning into virtual friends. That is, they want to advertise their every move and feeling to a presumably rapt and admiring audience but do not want to participate in the give and take of actual friendship.

The model for this, as Miss Manners is not the first to observe, is the celebrity. They "do" publicity through trusted chroniclers -- in this case themselves -- but are huffy about their "privacy" when they manage to attract someone's interest, which must be seldom enough.

So to continue your admirable concern for friends, Miss Manners is afraid you must note whether their confidences are being made to you as a friend or the wide world of virtual so-called friends who are not expected to show interest. Or you could make new friends with people who value real friendship.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a minor, pleasant piece of business to conclude at the home of a friend and neighbor, and while my hosts were out of the room for a moment, their dog urinated on the carpet in front of me. I said nothing. Should I have alerted them or assumed that they would discover it on their own?

GENTLE READER: And realize who did it?

Miss Manners admires your restraint in not tattling on the culprit, even at serious risk to your own reputation.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I employ five people in a small manufacturing setting. I encourage my employees to be friendly and have no problem with them talking during work or listening to the radio with their ear buds.

During the course of the day, I have occasional questions regarding the work flow or job completion. I will walk into the manufacturing area, and if I determine that the conversation is of a personal nature, I will politely stop the conversation and ask the business question at hand.

One of my employees has complained that I am being rude and ill mannered when I stop their conversation. She feels that I should allow them to complete their personal chatter and when they are finished, I can speak to them.

My feeling is that this is my time and I pay the salary. I think I am being very generous with allowing them to chatter about personal things during the day. But, when I have business to conduct, all should come to a stop and the business should be taken care of.

Am I being ill mannered to expect that the work day is to come first? Let me know your thoughts.

GENTLE READER: Your employees have gone from friendly to cheeky, is what Miss Manners thinks. That is the danger of slipping from a professional demeanor into one where people feel there is no hierarchy, and that their leisure should be respected.

Professional manners require attending to business when there is work to be done and not keeping the boss waiting. The sooner you explain that to your employees, the better. And never mind whether they grouse about it -- you are supposed to be their boss, not their buddy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Am I mistaken? Aren't a cocktail party and a dinner party two different things?

I have been blessed recently with invitations to two different friends' homes for formal dinners. They usually ask us to come at a certain time. When my husband and I arrive (on time), our hosts display a tray of cheese, chips, dip, crudities, etc., along with an offer of wine (or sometimes mixed drinks). After at least an hour and a half of these munchies, dinner is announced, and a full formal sit-down dinner with several courses then progresses. By then, I am not hungry, it is usually at least well after 8:30 at night, and while I am enjoying their company, I really don't want to eat everything that is presented before me in all of their courses. I then go home to retire and am very uncomfortable from all of the rich, plentiful food, and sleep is difficult.

Why would a hostess fill us up with cheese, chips and dips, when there is a fabulous dinner cooking in the kitchen? When I issue an invitation for a dinner at a certain time (usually 6:30 or 7 p.m.), that is what time dinner is served. Are my dinner invitations too abrupt?

GENTLE READER: They are certainly compelling if you can count on all your guests showing up at the time they were invited, in which case Miss Manners congratulates you. Many hosts find that they need a long cocktail hour just to get everyone there.

But since you know there is a meal coming, why don't you stay away from the cheese?

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