DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the mother of an 8-year-old boy with Asperger's syndrome. He's extremely intelligent and highly emotional.

Second grade presented him with significantly greater expectations in the classroom, which he greeted with significantly more disruptive behavior. His father and I and the school intervened quickly and were, we believed, working collaboratively to help him learn appropriate behavior within the constraints of the public school system.

I'll spare you the details; what matters is that each day was pretty unpredictable and stressful for him, his teacher and his classmates. His teacher was an experienced professional (20-plus years in the school) who had taught our older child two years before. Apparently, she reached her tipping point, because out of the blue one day, the principal informed us that she was changing our son's classroom placement in order to give him "a new beginning." He managed the transition pretty well, though he was very sad about leaving behind the friends he had made in his original class.

I simply cannot find it within me to greet her civilly when I see her in the hallways. I cannot even bring myself to make eye contact with her. My son has moved on, emotionally, but what he doesn't know is that she just gave up on him; she decided she couldn't tolerate the disruptions he caused in her classroom and asked for him to be transferred. (I know this from a conversation with his present teacher.)

Even realizing that such a teacher makes a bad match for my special-needs child has not helped me to forgive her. I know also that I am modeling a bad example for my son, which adds to my distress (except that he is oblivious to nonverbal social cues, so unless I were to instruct him not to speak to her, which I'd never do, I can nearly rationalize my own bad behavior). My son is not a monster; he has a medical disability, and it kills me that her decision signals to every other teacher in the school that she views him as ungovernable.

I assume my anger will dissipate with time, but in the meanwhile, I want to behave better. Can you make some suggestions for the next time I encounter her at school?

GENTLE READER: Look her in the eye. Greet her civilly. And if it doesn't choke you, tell her that you appreciate her having tried to deal with what you acknowledge is a difficult situation.

Since you are appealing to Miss Manners, she assumes that you know she will not justify behaving, as you admit, badly. But it may help you to know that behaving graciously is the best thing you can do for your son.

It isn't only the example, although you should not count on his total oblivion to your distress. He has evidently not been branded as ungovernable, because another class was found for him. You do not want to saddle him with the burden of being part of a package deal with an ungovernable mother.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am being swamped with e-mail messages from acquaintances who want me to forward pictures, videos, poems and such to others. Often the senders demand "I want this back!" as proof that I have read the message. Many times these messages are in the form of a chain letter, promising me good luck if I forward them and bad luck if I do not.

I do not have time for this, and it is becoming very annoying. At first, I dutifully forwarded the messages, then sent a short e-mail note to the senders saying that I enjoyed hearing from them. This resulted in more and more of these chain-letter messages.

Lately, I simply delete them but continue on occasion to send them brief "thinking of you" e-mails with no reference to the lengthy chain letters, hoping that they will get the hint -- but every day I receive six or seven of these messages.

Is there anything else I can do to discourage them without being rude? I would like to maintain contact with them, but not like this.

GENTLE READER: Remember when we used to blame the Post Office for everything we hadn't done? Well now, fortunately, we have even more plausible explanations:

My server was down.

My computer crashed.

I accidentally deleted my mail.

I've switched servers.

My spam filter must have caught it.

The Truth Squad needn't come after Miss Manners claiming that she is encouraging lies. Rather, she suggests that you make one of these problems happen. Trashing your hard drive is perhaps too drastic, but you could reset your spam filter or set up a different mail box for the offenders.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm the only person I know who wears formal hats semi-regularly. I try to keep them unobtrusive, so as not to attract more attention than the mere presence of a hat usually does, but I recently broke my own rule and bought a hat out of sheer love at first sight: a big, fluffy thing the proprietress called "Nordic Princess" and that lives up to the name.

While I'll be content to enjoy merely owning such a hat, it would be nice to wear it if the occasion arose. But when I consider local winters (sometimes a bit icy, nothing more) and the general rarity of hats, I can't picture any occasion (short of a costume party or moving to Alaska) where my new hat would not be both improper and slightly ridiculous.

Am I being too cautious? Where would such a hat belong, besides my closet? How do I assess the suitability of a hat when I must consider that, no matter how formal the occasion, I may be the only person wearing one at all? (On that note, I've read that a lady does not wear a hat in the evening; is it improper for me to wear one to an afternoon wedding with a dinner reception?)

GENTLE READER: It never fails to amaze Miss Manners that at a time when ladies wear daytime clothes that routinely expose more than their ankles, hats are considered shocking. She suggests that you learn to enjoy that, as she does.

Not having had the pleasure of seeing the Nordic Princess, she cannot tell whether it is intended for what ought to be considered everyday wear, even though it isn't. If it is wildly outrageous, then it should be worn at festive daytime events (weddings, graduations, serious luncheons) if you remember to take it off when the sun goes down.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had some of my friends from high school, three girls and a boy, come over to my house for the evening to hang out and have fun. Once the pizza arrived, I put it down on the table and went to take my pre-meal insulin.

My mom realized that there were not enough chairs at the table before I had a chance to get them, so she asked my male friend to help her get one from the closet.

He later said to me, via a text message, so as to not let my mother hear, "Your mom called me over to bring a chair. How impolite is that?"

Although I understand that he was the guest, he was the only male, other than my father, who was upstairs, and myself, who was busy taking insulin, that would be able to assist. Who is in the wrong in this situation?

GENTLE READER: The male guest, for criticizing your mother, and any of the female guests who observed the need for more chairs and did not jump up to help.

Miss Manners first thought that the complaint would be about your mother's singling out a male for the job, which would have been petty enough. But apparently your friend thinks that any guest should be excused from simple courtesy.

It is true that nowadays, it is appallingly commonplace for guests to be ordered to work, bringing food and cleaning up. But for an older hostess to request trivial assistance, in the absence of the host, from a high school student should have been considering flattering.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the etiquette of yawning?

GENTLE READER: It is very simple: Don't.

That is not helpful, is it? Only people on airplanes with clogged ears and desperate hosts yawn on purpose.

Other involuntary actions, which Miss Manners does not care to name, are considered merely gross on the part of the, ah, performer. But yawning is considered an insulting sign of boredom. Therefore one should not only cover it with the palm, but attempt to turn it into a cough or a grotesque smile. Others are supposed to pretend not to notice, but if the yawner is caught, the polite thing to say is, "I'm afraid I was up late last night. Please do go on with what you were saying. I find it fascinating."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Unfortunately, I am currently unattached and would not want to attend a wedding with a lady I was not serious with. It's just too romantic an occasion. Is it OK to attend a wedding without a date?

GENTLE READER: Are you suggesting enjoying the wedding for its own sake and then mixing with the other guests?

Radical as that may seem, it is the correct attitude to take -- and one, Miss Manners notes, which was often its own reward. Before everyone complained about never being able to meet anyone eligible, weddings were considered a major venue for doing so. And being free to become acquainted with a bridesmaid or the bridegroom's cousin has more romantic potential than sitting next to a casual date who is bound to be thinking whether or not she would like to be standing at an altar with you.

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