DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last night, my wife made a pointed remark that when she went on a business trip with her financial adviser, he opened the car door, and sat her in a restaurant and "acted like a gentleman."

I no longer do this for her because it just seems phony and old-fashioned, and, in a way, condescending of a woman's ability. Now, for her financial adviser to do this is understandable. After all, she is his client, not his wife. In today's world, should I do this?

GENTLE READER: Today's world where it is worthwhile to be charming to a client but silly to bother when it is only a wife?

Oh, you mean today's world where such manners do not charm but inspire defensive snarls. But you have made clear to Miss Manners, as your wife made clear to you, that this particular lady would be delighted. So please stop thinking that it is phony to please one's spouse.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know it's rude to talk about a party in front of someone who wasn't invited. I'm wondering how this rule applies to talking about a party on social-networking sites.

Some friends threw a party, of which one of their guests later posted photographs on Facebook. A man who wasn't invited (but knew everyone there) saw the pictures; he is a Facebook "friend" of the woman who posted them. Hurt that he wasn't invited, he then confronted the hosts, perhaps wondering if he had offended them somehow.

Was it rude of the woman to post the pictures? The hosts certainly didn't invite the problem, as they were very careful in making sure noninvitees did not know about the party beforehand.

GENTLE READER: Surprisingly, Miss Manners most blames the alleged victim here. To expect to be invited to every party given by a friend, and worse, to confront that person with a complaint, is exceedingly rude.

That is not to excuse the person who posted the pictures. Taking, much less posting, photographs of someone else's party (or for that matter, one's own guests) without explicit permission is a violation of hospitality. But word of the party might have gotten out anyway. Guests are not usually sworn to secrecy about where they have been, although they are expected to use discretion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am stumped as to what a "gentle reader" is. In one of your recent columns a so-called "gentle reader" was perturbed over someone joyfully announcing their daughter's engagement. I am more interested in what sets this "gentle reader" apart from the rest of us ordinary folks than why the parents were joyful. Can, or will you dare, try to enlighten me?

GENTLE READER: Dare? Surely, Gentle Reader, you do not suppose that Miss Manners would not defend her own actions.

She did not single out that reader; she addresses all her readers as Gentle Reader. True, they are not all as gentle as they might be. Her hope is to encourage them to live up to the name, rather like someone at a meeting pleading, "Ladies and gentlemen, please stop hitting one another with your chairs."

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: The demise of the formal occasion is a real tragedy. I used to keep three tuxedos "warm." Now I eagerly await the next chance.

However, many men protest because they are embarrassed by their inability to tie a bow tie and repelled by the option to use a clip-on. These protesting fellows miss the major advantage of any formal occasion, that of being in the presence of lots of beautifully turned-out women in attractive gowns of a seemingly infinite variety.

GENTLE READER: If these poor gentlemen can't tie a simple bow, who ties their shoelaces for them?

Never mind. Miss Manners believes it would be more helpful to inform such gentlemen what delicious intimacy they could foster by looking helpless and asking one of those beautifully turned-out ladies for assistance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a member of a quasi-military organization. At the end of the year, we will have a traditional military banquet, and I plan to wear gloves, as I have at other past formals.

During the dinner portion, will I be expected to remove my gloves? I have been told that the men are to remove the gloves, but no one can tell me if the same is expected of the ladies.

GENTLE READER: Yes, indeed. The rule against eating or drinking while wearing gloves applies to everyone, Miss Manners assures you. Ladies would look just as yucky in food-stained gloves as gentlemen.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend bought me a bracelet as a gift. A year later, we exchanged the bracelet at the jewelry store for an engagement ring.

Unfortunately I am not going through with the wedding. My question is, should I return the ring or is it considered a gift because it was originally a bracelet?

GENTLE READER: Nice try, but you considered it an engagement ring when you were engaged, and it has not suddenly turned back into a bracelet.

Miss Manners can only offer you the comfort that any serious jewelry given with the expectation of marriage should be returned, so you would have been returning that, anyway. She is delicately skipping over the fact that the bracelet was given before your engagement because a lady should not be accepting serious jewelry from a mere boyfriend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is proper when an invitation arrives with the words "no gifts, please" on it?

Some of my friends insist that a gift should be given anyway, and some say that a group gift is all right. One said that if a gift is given, it should be sent, not brought to the party. Do people put "no gifts" on an invitation as a sign of modesty? What should I do? I have received several invitations like this lately.

GENTLE READER: "No gifts" -- what could be more plainly stated? Miss Manners wants to believe that people put this on invitations to relieve their guests of a presumed obligation.

She has had to oppose this, while commending the intention, because one is not supposed to be thinking of one's guests in terms of presents, not even to discourage them.

But since no one seems to get it -- some thinking as you suggest, others presuming that it means that only cash donations are acceptable -- it is useless, anyway.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I did not send Christmas cards in December; however, I purchased New Year's cards, which I have not sent as of yet. When is it too late to send friends New Year's Cards?

GENTLE READER: When your friends start remembering to date their checks with the correct year or are busy addressing Valentines, whichever comes first.

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